Best Buy is Stoopid

Mkays, so I got my laptop back yesterday right? Was all excited, but I didn't go on it, I was too tired. So I log on it today.

Now

the problem with my laptop was the tons of spywhere, so they were supposed to put an anti-spywhere thing on it, and word 07 since it wasn't loading on my computer.

Well, no anti-spywhere, no word 07. There's word 03, but not 07.

I swear my dad's gonna blow that place up one day...

What made my day today:

Dad: *walks in the computer room muttering* stupid...fucking...best buy...fuckers...
Me: hey dad look, my hair's in a pony tail again!
Dad: *turns around* whoa...*shocked face*
Hammy: *comes up from behind the chair and starts batting my hair around
*we all laugh (cept hammy)*

=)

Its little things like that in life that make my day!

Oh so now I've got a deadline, Friday, if I don't stop 'cutting' some one's gonna tell my parents. Ryan told me this. At first, I was like really pissed off. Now, I'm kicking myself because this is a good thing. But, if I don't stop by Thursday I'm gonna beat ya guys too it. I'm gonna tell my mom. Why? Well cuz if you guys tell her she's gonna blame herself for being such a bad parent...and you guys know she's not.

Fuck, I might even tell her tonight. Why? I dunno it's a Tuesday I guess.

I think I realized why I'm doing this to myself. I've been trying to figure out because I don't believe depression is a disease, that's just stupid to me- sorry peaches but I lied to you when I agreed, I didn't wanna get into it. So I've got about 2 reasons:

Reason A:

Home life.

My parents have done nothing but yell and yell and yell for about 2 years now. It's not at me, its at my brother for his grades and stuff. Kinda stupid I should be feeling sad about that, but I just can't take seeing them get so disappointed in themselves and in JJ. And what really chokes me up is that JJ doesn't even seem to care and that what I try to talk to him he doesn't talk back. We always tell each other everything...now it's like there's this gap...

man I'm tearing up right now...ha

Reason B (and a stupid reason at that but hey):

Lack of love.

You ever want someone to hold you close to them? Wrap their arms completely around you and whisper in your ear it's going to be alright and kiss you? And I'm talking about a boyfriend not a parent or a friend. I long for that so much... Thing is, I don't like anyone in that way...sure I have a fair few friends that are guys (I think about 10 or so) but I don't really consider them more than my friend. They're not the one. Ya know, THE ONE? Where you wanna spend every waking moment with them? Yeah, haven't found them yet...

I feel like I have this hole inside me...call me a lame poetic weirdo, but it's like I'm missing a piece, the, the one piece. (okay so maybe that wasn't that poetic but nah nah nah nah nah).

OW

Hammy pulled my hair down and I hit my head on the back of the chair...

Anyways, I guess it's good that I'm not thinking about suicide or anything, yuck. If I killed myself my mom would die, just lay down and die, then my bro would be all messed up and then my dad would be messed up and not to mention you guys out there. I could never be that cruel, never.

Saying that, if you do tell my parents and go "ash is cutting and we all think she might want to kill herself" I'll fucking rip your head off.

and if YOU guys ever try to do it either for a first time or again and fail, the same applies. I'll make is my top priority to go to where ever you are after I hear the news.

Well that's all.