Ya Know...

Sometimes I very glad I'm not so blinded my religion that I can make smart decisions; unlike my father.

He does really make me see how fucked up our government and people are every time I get into some type of debate though.

However I do support my father with some of his beliefs, such as the fact that some type of law should be made requiring you to say the pledge of allegiance and stand and put your hand over your heart.

You live in America, standing up, putting your hand over your heart and saying our pledge is a way of showing deep respect and pride for your country. It's not like it's hard, or painful or rocket science (at least I can't find it to be any of those things).

It really sickens me on every Monday and Friday that some of the students rush to finish their homework, sleep, or just sit there staring into space when we say the pledge on the announcements.

Now, it is clear that part of the fact is that they lack a considerable amount of maturity, but I think it's also because they really don't care and that's really sad.

If you live in this country you should take pride in that and respect it. If you don't, then get out. We don't need you. Why the hell are you even here anyways?

ily.

Giving Up

I'm gonna give up anything school related this weekend.

Any homework I'm not gonna do.

I'm not gonna study for any tests.

I'm not going to do shit.

School has made me so tired, stressed, and pessimistic I'm at the point where I really want to break things, punch people, then kill myself.

I really do hate school.

Sure, I'll tell teacher and others OMG I LOVE IT. I'll get myself pumped at the end of summer vacation. Tell myself to get ready to learn some new things, get some knowledge.

But really.

I hate it.

I wish we never had school or they changed the way we can get an education.

I would rather be doing manual labor in my Dad's warehouse.

Yeah I know, what a crazy teenager. I want to do work and not look like a fat ass.

But seriously, I don't give a flat fuck if my grades drop. I'm not doing anything.

I'm tired of being stressed and negative and worrying about tests, and homework and I'm tired of just having to 'deal with it' or 'get used to it'.

I've done that with enough shit already. I can stop doing it with school for awhile.

Society needs to find a better way than having kids spend 7 hours a day on their asses with the exception of standing up and sitting down to change classes and ruining their sight by staring at a text book or overhead or chalk board all day.

I say we quit the text books and start going out into the real world at an younger age and actually learning something instead of just trying to pass a class.

Like I do with almost all of mine.

I know you can only get something out of school by making something out of it...but really, there's hardly anything you can make.

Except maybe stress, depression and negativity.

ily.

Taking The Day Off

Turns out I didn't need to fake sick, I guess my back didn't want to go to school either. Was killing me. =/

Slept most of the day.

Woke up at 12:18 and went down to get food.

Worked on the stuff to Valentines Day up my blog.

The playlist is complete.

I can't wait to post it up. =D

Should be happening sometime next week.

Dad is in a fit and mom is way stressed.

Dad's mom got really sick in Florida and refused to eat because she puked, which in turn made her so weak that she fell on the steps to their little trailer they go to for the winter there.

She's been in the hospital, and apparently she's gotten worse.

My grandpa refuses to learn how to use a cell phone, they still haven't called their doctor here in Ohio, and now we've just heard they've been giving her the wrong medication.

Mom is stressed and raging because of all the stupidity at the hospital and is pitching a bitch about Dad's parents. Dad is in a fit because his mother is in the hospital, and Mom is pitching a bitch about his parents.

JJ is crying because Dad is yelling at him over stupid shit due to the fact that he is in a fit because his mother is in the hospital, and Mom is pitching a bitch about is parents.

So now Mom is stressed and upset because Dad is yelling at her for pitching a bitch about his parents and yelling at JJ for no reason because he's in a fit over his mother being at the hospital which is making JJ cry, which pisses my Mom off and causes her a whole other person to deal with.

This in turn makes JJ pissed and crying because Dad is yelling at him and yelling at Mom, who is yelling at Dad, so now JJ is yelling at Dad for yelling at him and yelling at Mom and saying he hates his life, the world, and him.

So now Dad's pissed and hurt at JJ's words, his mother being in the hospital, and Mom pitching a bitch at his parents and now yelling at him for yelling at JJ.

So now, my brother is crying in his room and refusing to come out, Mom is in the garage smoking a pack of cigs while ranting to her mother, and Dad is down in the basement with the dog.

I on the other hand am sitting upstairs with the cat really wishing that I could have just gone to school and stayed there.

*sigh*

On better news, I came up with an epic idea for Cyrus' Valentines Day present!

It's so win.

I've gotten many "aaaaawwweee"s over it. =D

ily.

IZ SNOWING!

I took Hamilton outside this morning to see the snow and he tried to catch all the snowflakes. Silly little kitty. =p

Didn't do much today. Slept in until 12 because there wasn't anything to do.

Felt like being real juvenile after taking my history test.

With my dad.
As he watched as I got some of the answers from the online book.
And helped me look for them.
And then as we checked my score.
To see I failed it.

*head desk*

Why. Can't. I. Take. Tests. This. Year.

I mean fuck I could do well on tests (except in math) and not do most my homework until this year.

Now where the tests will bring me down like, 2 letter grades, even if I DID do the homework, I can't take.

I haven't gotten a single A on a test yet.

And I think I do so well on them and then BAM congrats, here's an F, piping hot and ready for your let down!

*sigh*

I'm still feeling juvenile...can ya tell?

Yeah...

BIG MOMENT!

We watched a movie as a family today.

We haven't done that in AGES!

We watched Indiana Jones, it was kinda lame, but I'd recommend it to people.

Studied for my English test tomorrow (HA!) and then read some of Grapes Of Wrath. It's actually a pretty good book. I understand it at least. =)

Speaking of books, started writing mine as well. Didn't get very far, only have a page but hey, it's progress right?

Dammit I bit all my finger nails off today.

Old habits die hard...

Rayy you forgot your shirt and pants at my house so I'll be bringing them to school in the morning. =)

Meh.

You ever just want to get in bed and sleep off all of your problems forever?

Yeeeeeah.

But life must go on!

So I should stop ranting about my tests and starting thinking about the music and format for my VV movie. =D

It's 11 right now...but I'm not that tired...

School...

Everyone better wear their PJ's inside out.

=p

ily.

Okay Day

It was an okay day I guess. The weather was nice.

I woke up, played a game of Mario Party 8, went online, then went to golf. I was all excited because I felt like I was going to play a good game. Fuck that feeling I think I sucked. I shot a 52. My mom and dad were all like: "Well it's only 4 strokes more than Saturday nah nah." and that's my point! I sucked from Saturday! And Saturday, I played on a Pro course, KENT STATE'S course, and I do better on that then that piece of shit Shawniee Hills?? Stupid.

I came home and just kinda laid in my bed with the blanket over my head for awhile before spending the next 4-5 hours online and stuff. I went outside on the deck and typed up more of chappie 4 but of course it's not finished yet. I've got fucking writers block now.

The humming bird flew around one of the flowers again today and after that I went inside and now I'm here. I need to clean my room before tomorrow because stupid Jackie (cleaning lady) is coming. *sigh* I guess I'll take a shower tomorrow morning before work. Which means I need to get up a half hour earlier. *double sigh*

Oh, and speaking of work, guess what.

Ya know how I said I love to work in the ware house (even though the stupid people mixed up the parts) and that I actually feel wanted more in there than the office and I love to hang out with John and Larry?? Well, SOMEBODY told John that if I have nothing to do in the ware house that I HAVE to go back and be in the offices up front. So, I just sit around feeling all guilty that I have nothing to do while the other guys are working and waiting for Kris to get annoyed and go: "Is there anything you need to do in the ware house?" Which is like, the most stupidest question in the world. Of course I don't have anything to do in the ware house, that's why I'm sitting my ass up here doing nothing!

I mean, if I had nothing to do in the ware house, or the offices up front and least talking to John and Larry in the back was somewhat productive. Not staring at the fax machine hoping it would spit out something to give to Kris or Greg, or waiting for the phone to ring so I was occupied for a few seconds.

Monday I decided to clean out the supply closet during my 'nothing time'. I took everything out and even WASHED IT OUT. But, in the end there was still nothing for me to do, because I'm saving putting everything back in for tomorrow. Don't know what the fuck I'll do Thursday though.

I don't wanna go up to my dad and be all: "Naaaaaaah do i really have to work thursdaaaaaaaay?? I really have nothing to dooooooo aaaaaaall the tiiiiiiime." Cuz

1. he'll yell at me
2. he'll yell at the people in the offices because they're not keeping me occupied
3. if you look at it i am getting paid to do nothing most of the time and my hourly payment is pretty high

Monday Larry came up front and he said that he needed me. When we were in the back of the ware house I noticed that there was nothing to ship and I looked at him and he laughed. "I thought you might want to come back here and talk because I noticed you were doing the hardest thing at a job." and i was like thinking "i wasn't doing anything..." and that must have showed on my face because he was like: "Trying to find something to do."

That was really nice of him for saving me like that.

I like Larry and John. They don't expect a lot from me, so there isn't any pressure when I'm working back there. They also made it clear that no question is a stupid question and that some of the mistakes I might make they've probably made when they first started working here.

During lunch John and I do the crossword puzzle in the Plain Dealer even though I'm not very good at them.

OH! One of the things was: A type of Japanese cartoon. And he didn't know it, and I was like: ANIME! O.O

Kris and Greg are nice people, but I dunno I just kinda get this feeling that I annoy them when I'm there. Monday Kris was like: "Take your time Ashley, let's get it right the first time."

Well,

-That totally spazzed me out because I was freaked that I really messed something up.
-Made my self confidence level shrink down even lower
-Made me feel stupid
-and made me feel pissed

I mean, HE didn't teach me some of the little scanning rule things until LAST THURSDAY, so EXCUSE ME if I DIDN'T KNOW. All they just told me was, what you scan, and what you name it and where you save it and where you know how to save it. They didn't tell me if it said this on it I scan it and then attach it to this scan and make a duplicate of this other scan, and name it this, but not to name it until they're all scanned and blah blah blah.

Yes, very confusing I know. Scanning's a bitch.

I think Kris and Greg got annoyed because I wasn't talking very loud yesterday either. They were always like: "What?" "Huh?" "Can you repeat that??" Until finally I just gave up and went right up to their desk instead of yelling across the room like that do. Although they're really only a fair few feet away...

*sigh* hopefully I'll have a better day tomorrow...

as you can see my mood still really hasn't improved...sorry guys...it's not you it's just stupid me. And I'd tell you what's wrong but I don't know what is. It's like my body jut went: "Okay! Let's feel all angry and depressed! Yeah!"

Maybe this weekend will cheer me up...

Oh yeah...party info on the side...
ily.

Glad To Get Out

I think this is why I like school.

Today: I woke up at 10:30 (even though I was planning on sleeping in till like 12...) and took a shower. My dad and brother weren't home, and my mom was sitting in the lazy boy chair. I greeted her with a: "Morning mom! Happy National Weed Day! *cough*"

She smiled and we asked how we slept and stuff then we made ourselves some bacon. Rayy called and told me she could come to the movie (yay!) so I was looking forward to that. I asked anyone else if they could come but they said they couldn't so it was just the two of us =)

Well after pouring some fruit loops in a bowl (and for our debate in math class there is a green one) dad and Jay got home. Dad went downstairs to play his army game on the PS2 and mom started yelling at JJ. Apparently at his Saturday detention yesterday (his 2nd one I might add) he didn't do any of the work his teacher asked him to do there and just sat around for 2 hours.

What he had to do was fix two math tests, where totaling the points on each test to about 20 (1 point a piece) he got about 5/20. She starts yelling and lecturing, so I go upstairs and grab my IPod. Around 1:30 I put the IPod down and got ready to go pick up Rayy and go to the movies. Mom was still yelling at JJ and trying to get him to fix the problems. While putting on a little make-up I heard JJ storm away from the table and yell at my mom: "Get away from me you fucker and go smoke a fucking cigarette!"

I think that hurt me more than it hurt my mom but I dunno. That, was a really really really times 10 mean and crule thing to say in my opinion. JJ slams his bedroom door, dad comes upstairs and asks what's wrong, my mom tells about the whole detention thing and what happened in the last hour and then storms off to the bathroom to get ready to take me to Rayys. I figure it's safe to come out, so I grab my purse and celly then head downstairs to find dad sitting in the lazy boy chair looking over the tests JJ had to fix. He asked me (like he has been now for the umpteenth time) "What do you think is wrong with him?" and (like I always reply) say "I dunno he won't talk to me."

so dad goes upstairs to talk to JJ, mom comes out, asked me where the both of them were while we were in the car. I tell her and then she starts on her ranting mode. I think she's jealous of my dad because JJ is seeming to favor him more...I dunno...from the rant it sounded that way.

Movie time (THANK THE NON-EXISTENT GOD)

Rayy and I bought popcorn and shared a coke. The theater wasn't packed, and the movie was good. It wasn't horror (like I thought) but more suspense (like I guessed). It was unpredictable so that's what made it good too. Then mom picks us up and drops Rayy off. We go to my Grammy's for awhile to show her mine and JJ's report card. I got $25 for mine and JJ got nothing cuz it was so bad. More ranting there, then on the way home and now I'm here.

I smell dinner now, Steak, yummy! I'm hungry too. Might ask my dad if I can go to the rang today after dinner but I'm not really feeling good. I think it's because I'm hungry, but the sun is making my head hurt. I wanna take a nap outside...

Ryan's not gonna be at school the whole week, so that means Peaches is going to be talking to a lot more people now instead of focusing all her energy and attention on him. I've got to admit when Ed was telling me how Peaches wanted to walk with her since Ryan wasn't there and she said "well you always could have walked with me the whole year but you didn't until now since Ryan isn't here.." then walked away, she had a point. I mean I know that they're boyfriend and girlfriend and all but that doesn't mean they have to stop hanging out with people and stuff like that.

Ugh...I gotta write more of chappie 3...I gotta redo it actually...forgot to put in some key parts...crudnuts...

Hammy says hi! (he's not actually trying to get the birds this time!)

!!!!!!!!!!!!

God dammit I hate keyboarding. Well, at least this stupid skill builder thing we have to do. I typed all these sentence's perfectly and within the time limit: Tammy's polo pony is pure breed her paper's say. They give you 1 minute and you have to type that as many times as you can. I typed mine about 6 without type-os and now for the third time it a row it wants me to type it again.

I'm quitting microtype for now...

What the hell kind of a sentence is that anyways?

We have to do until Lesson T, I'm on M.

Rawr.

My keyboarding teacher is starting to become a bit of a bitch too...

This morning the dumbass assistance principal said that only 5 people can sit at the MT just because there was too much: "debris's" on the floor. What kind of idiot calls trash debris's????

Dumbass....

And most of the trash was Amontis or however you spell that' kids name too. I don't like him much, so I don't care.

At least bad mitten was fun today. Rayy's my partner =) we're gonna kick butt! =0

I hope we're in the library for study hall today...

Yesterday Erin told me that she was so mad because Ryan told her that her writing sucks. So what did she do? She mad a Sim Ryan and killed him!

Very amusing.

So I put that small bit of convo in my buddy profile just because I find it funny.

We also created club IHPN, I Heart Porn Novels, just to annoy ryan. =P

I wonder if Peaches and him ever read my blog. I don't care really it's just a thought. They can read and post any comment they want, mean, kind,whatever.

A lot of my friends have given up on their blogs, only Rayy and Dev have kept to theirs and I'm hoping i can keep to mine!

I need to change my mood widget when I get home since this mother fucking school blocking thing won't let me...

I hate school today.