After all these years I still don't understand why you hate yourself so much...

I think you're so beautiful.

Day Off

Last week I worked all week last week 8-4:30 (except on the 4th of course) and I also worked yesterday.

Now I'm sitting around the house and it's actually stressing me out.

I'm almost like a danger to myself when I'm left to sit around and just think.

I'm scared about college. I don't even think I want to go to college. Really the only reason I think I am is because it seems that without college you go no where in life, and the fact that if you don't you're either labeled an an idiot or unmotivated.

I just can't see the point in college.

It's way too expensive and even to get a degree in something you want to do you still need to take classes that have nothing to do with the future career you want. I only see college as a business, not some form of educational help and let me tell you I haven't seen any products of interest to me.

Out of all the college e-mails I've gotten I've only actually looked at one.

Maybe I'm just afraid of college because I don't know what I want to do for a career in the first place?

I know for one thing I don't want to go to college until I know what I want to do. That's a waste of money we don't have.

I'm just hoping I'll figure out what it is I want to do before the school year is up. =/

Finally, Some Good Golf

Guess who won the father daughter golf tournament? That's right bitches. Bow down. ;p

Heads Up

Sooo what's been going on since my last post?

My brother got his surgery done on his other foot. This time it wasn't as extensive so he's been doing pretty good.

Been working at my Dad's offices and in the warehouse. Turns out the company is up for sale and my Dad might lose his job.

Yippe.

On a happier note, I went to the mall with my friends today and got some stuffs (which I'm wearing now =o) and I'm going to go visit my boyfriend Mikey! =D

JJ and I also rented The Blind Side, which we've seen, but it's worth re-watching. =)

Hope you all are having a good summer! =)

Hello Blog

It's been awhile.

Been a hectic week.

Sick since the last day of school but getting better, going to work tomorrow. Getting re-trained.

JJ has gotten what I have so he's probably not going to be getting his surgery done on Tuesday.

Golf tournament Thursday. I majorly sucked at the last 2 I was in. So embarrassing.

Been scared shitless about a lot of things now.

I'm a senior. I don't know what college I want to go to. I don't even know what I want to even DO when I'm in college. I don't even think and college would want me.

My boyfriend is very accomplished as a golfer. He has colleges looking at him already and calling. Really, really nice colleges. I'm very proud of him but sometimes I feel so small and insignificant when I'm around him- although he doesn't seem to think that.

I've been trying to think of things that I'm especially good at that make people go "Wow, look at her, she's the best!" but I can't seem to think of anything. =/

I found most if not all of the photos I took for my photography class the other day! I've been organizing and editing a few of them.

Haven't been able to see my friends yet. I've only been able to see my boyfriend and I was only allowed to because he was sick with the same thing I had. We were both just a couple of germs. =p

I feel like this summer some big things are gonna happen. I already know some of them. Not looking forward to it.

Guess that's just life, right?

Hair Pulling

I asked my Dad a question on health care today.

While I was asking it I didn't notice my Mom was walking behind me.

They started fighting and now Mom's being cranky/crying and Dad won't stop being an ass.

Reason numero uno why I hate politics and reason numero dos why I'd rather be a whore than get stuck in a shitty relationship.

Morals suck.

I can't wait until this summer where all I need to worry about is working, golf and weed.

No Homo

I told my Grammy I was bisexual and she just kinda laughed at me.

I thought I could tell her everything ya know?

*sigh*

Mom just completely denies it, and Dad would kick me out of the house if he found out. JJ knows but I dunno if he really believes be or not either.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Freshman Year Blogging?

I'm blogging almost like I was freshman year in the sense that most of my posts are somewhat depressing and I'm blogging during my computer class (this year web design last year keyboarding).

Except now I can't play my Mario Game like 2 years ago because they blocked it! >=O

Stupid school.

At least I'm not cutting myself like last year right?! Haha. Haha.

....

Yeah.

Busy, busy week this week. So much to doooo.

Dad has been gone since Monday morning cuz he's in FL. He's been having a good time, every day I've called him so far he's "had a few beers". I'm quite lucky he's a pretty happy drunk.

He's actually pretty fucking hilarious. I wish he drank more often...

Also, I found the mouse in the trap my Dad set up before he left! It was cute too D=

I scared Andy with it. =D

Testa's forum is on the health care bill.

You'd think I'd have my own opinion on it or at least know the two different sides because my Mom likes it and my Dad doesn't, but I've just been walking out of the room every time they argue now and every time they rant to me.

I really, really don't care for politics (even though I probably should) it just makes me fall asleep.

Well, I think I'll work on one of my research papers now- since I have a computer and all.

Web Design

The rare class where I get to do something I love to do, and the technology I have isn't working.

Like today: I go to use my flash drive (which I've been using since the class ever first took place) decides it needs to be formatted.

Which is just another fancy way of saying 'everything you ever loved on this little key chain needs to be deleted'.

Well, our project was to make a power point on a place we'd like to go to or are going to for Spring Brake. My ppt. was 12+ slides and all I needed to do was hyperlink the buttons so the ppt. became more like a web site.

And now I can't get into it to finish it.

Or anything else on the flash drive for that matter.

AND when I go to format it on the school's computer it says I don't have sufficient access.

Fuck this school.

I have to stay her until 5 too for an ACT testing class.

GAH!!

Free Sammich

I went to Chick-fil-A today and got a free sammich cuz I'm was wearing green.

Everybody loved my St. Patricks Day hat (except bitchy Ms.Pitts).

So far in my life friendships are shaky, a death is still in silent/hidden morning, my golf swing is fucking beastly and I have a wonderful boyfriend. =)

Going back to said 'fucking beastly' golf swing, I think while hitting golf balls with Miss. Gina B. yesterday I got the makings of a sinus infection.

I felt like I was hit by a truck. XP

Oh, did I mention I made yearbook staff? =D

Screw spring, I can't wait for summer.

Dear Teachers

Don't assign me BUSY WORK.

I have better shit to do then to waste my time on an assignment you gave me to make yourself feel more like a teacher.

The Aftermath

An hour before the funeral Dad took my flashdrive, some blank DVD's and his laptop with the video on it to Best Buy.

Even THEY couldn't get the DVD to work.

In the end we had it play on his laptop.

So everything worked out.

It was just fucking hell getting to that point. ><

Still feeling sick. =/ But will be back at school tomorrow.

I hate life. =D

ily.

Hi.

My name is Ashley.

I just spent all of my Friday working, then scanning 50+ pictures onto the computer.

Saturday I skipped eating and spent all day editing and restoring all 50+ pictures.

Then I started to work on putting them into a video.

After making it the correct length (simply by copying and pasteing the 50+ pictures and transitions over again until it reached 2 hours) my Dad told me he didn't want a certain part in anymore so I spent an hour and a half taking that part out (it took so long because the computer was starting to lag).

Then I thought all I needed to do was rip the music from the CD's my aunts gave my Dad, along with a list of my Grandma's favorite songs on the CD's.

There were 6 songs total. 4 of which weren't there because the CD's weren't in their cases when they were given to my Dad.

So then I spent another 3 hours looking for music.

Then another 2 hours putting that together.

When I'm finally done the computer decides that it doesn't want to finalize the video so I can save it to a CD.

So I restarted the computer and then opened the program back up again.

Now it's decided it just doesn't want to open the file period.

It's 3:30.

The video was for my Grandmother's funeral which is at 1 or 2 tomorrow. I can't remember anymore.

I have 2 research papers, 4 quizzes and math to catch up on Sunday and Monday which I probably won't be able to do either.

I've got a backache, headache, I'm shaking, nauseated and feeling faint from starvation and exhaustion.

I'm too fucking tired and sick to cry anymore. I'll be lucky it I can hold myself together or even get out of bed to go to the funeral.

........

I was going to rant about my emotional problems to try and get things off of my chest but then I remembered you're not my therapists so I'm just posting this smiley face instead.

=D

Yay...

ily.

It Has Been Two Weeks Of...

A worrying hell fueled with pent up rage and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness that was then spat out and released by a series of snappy comments and heavy sarcasm.

But no one could probably tell that.

Super Bowl Sunday!!

I'm making brownies! =)

ily.

Nordonia: Just Filled With Words of Wisdom

"What are you doing"
-What do you think I'm doing? Engage your brain for once and you just might figure it out.

"Mrs. Tong, I think I typed in the wrong website..."
-Good for you and thanks for sharing. Wanna cookie?

"Ashley, I didn't know you were in this lunch!"
-Really? So where the fuck was I last Tuesday when you said 'Hi!' to me in the lunch line?

"I'm tiiiired, can we take a breeeeak?"
Maybe if you didn't come to school in your fucking PJs you'd have a bit more energy.

"I didn't know how to do the math homework!"
-Well that's your own damn fault. Maybe if you would quit playing with yourself and take your phone out of your crotch to look up at the overhead every once in a while you would have known how.

"Wow. Could she walk any faster?"
-Um, could you walk any slower? Forgive me that I'm not 'gangster' enough to walk at a snails pace with a big cluster fuck of people blocking the hallway to only then walk into class late complaining that I didn't know how to do the fucking math homework.

"Ashley, what was the homework about? You don't know? Did you do it?"
-No, I actually did do it but I'm just lying to you so I look like a dumbass.

"Duuuuude, you like, almost pulled down my pants when you stepped on the bottom."
-I'm sorry, maybe if you shopped in the right section of the store or bought a fucking belt that wouldn't have happened.

Aren't I just a ray of fucking sunshine today?

Phooey.

The moon was really big and beautiful yesterday and is ever more beautiful tonight.

Other than that my weekend has been pretty shitty.

Hopefully there is another bright moon tomorrow night.

ily.

Pants On The Ground

Just because they didn't hire you to work at the strip club doesn't mean I want to see your ugly ass either.

Please pull them up!

YA LOOKIN LIKE A FOOL WID YOUR PANTS ON THE GROUND.

Oh...and I got a off brand toy race car today in Econ.

Can you say win?

=D

ily.

WOW

I haven't blogged in a long time. =x

Haven't really had the time/desire to. Plus the fact that we have 2 shitty computers in the house.

Midterm exams just got done. I hate school so much. XP

But we get to enjoy a looong weekend so I'm happy for that. =)

Now I'm off to draw some doodles to add to Andy's oodles of doodles he's posted up on facebook!

=D

ily.