Woah Man

Cheers to me wearing the 1st non-revealing top of this year!

Pop it like it's hot! ;D

Crazy Studying

I'm finally starting to get B's on my quizzes in Govt. To study I'm making flash cards. They work very well...but they're sure are a bitch to make. Takes me hours. But at least they help...

Hope I did well on my other two tests I had today too!

I'm nervous!

=x

Also, we got Netflix, which is awesome. =)

.

Even after the long blog post spilling my heart out, the acceptance, and the night out on the town and movie night I'm still confused again as to whether or not I should have even bothered.

Two things just keep running through my head.

1. The night on the town. For whatever reason I paid for your food which I kick myself for every time. But I wanted to try my best to see if we could work again...so I did anyways. That's not what I keep running though my head though. The first thing I keep running though my head was your response as to why you wanted to start talking again. I told you it was because I didn't like the way it ended and it killed me to think that we had something so good and that it disappeared.

Your reason?

"Well the reason why I started talking to you again was cuz I saw you had no friends."

I was completely stunned by the comment. But I let my self hatred come in and let it pass, made me think that maybe I deserve it a little and told you that yes I really didn't have any other friend like you and that I truly clicked with at this point. I have a lot of acquaintances, but not really people I would invited over my house on a boring 'ole Saturday or something.

I let you live in the moment. Make you think that you're truly the only shining start in my life because I haven't had another relationship like ours.

I even hugged you when I left.

Now comes the 2nd thing that I keep replaying in my mind.

2. Your birthday party.

I thought that we were making some pretty good progress especially since I got to go to your party. The fact that it was at Ryan's bothered me the most, but I did my best to ignore it because, as I said again, I wanted to try my best to make this work at least somewhat.

I ignored the fact that I had already been replaced because I really couldn't see any reason why you wouldn't. But what really got me that night was really the final thing that happened.

We were playing charades and I got the which from left for dead. You all started saying how you were getting tired of the game and how you didn't want to guess but you knew what it was. And then that's when he said it.

Instead of a witch he called me a bitch and I can't help but feel that it was on purpose. What I also couldn't help was noticing that when he said it you had a little smile on your face and you were trying not to laugh.

But I ignored it.

And even planned a movie date.

After that we've talked....maybe a few times? And you normally just end the conversation by not saying anything anymore.

So...I can't help but feel that you really don't even care anymore. You really only cared that I knew that you didn't do it.

Don't get me wrong, in person when we hung out it almost felt like old times and I still believe you.

But I guess you've pretty much moved on and that maybe I should just give up and move on to because what's been done is done.

It just kinda makes me sad that it seemed so much easier for you.

Maybe it's because I don't have any meds or a replacement standing by.

College is coming soon and we'll both have new groups of people to hang out with anyways...

I dunno. Guess I'm still just trying to recover.

I dunno.

I don't know what to think anymore.

Sometimes

I like to think the mistakes that I make are little.

Like misreading the VV e-mail which said we're meeting at 7PM not 7AM.

But I just can't ignore the fact that I've made a hell of a lot of little mistakes in my life. And big mistakes. And that the only thing I'm good at is making mistakes.

Sometimes. I think even me being given life was a mistake.

Under The Weather and Outside It Isn't Better

Haha.

It rhymed.

Thiip.

Got hit by a bus of god knows what kind of sick. Missed a day of school. Which in the end was nice because I got to sleep in, but suckish cuz I missed seeing Mikey and also some quizzes and work too.

Yesterday I was a little better but my sinuses were way clogged and it was giving me a massive head and neck ache. BUT.

I got to hug a small, blond, German child by the name of Felix. HE IS SO FUCKING ADORABLE.

Work made my day today. Kris and Deb's relationship is a little rocky and the things they say...it's almost like a sitcom.

Watched Horton Hears A Who on Free Movies On Demand. It was cute. =)

Tomorrow is Valley Voyages at the lovely hour of 7am. Outside. In the rain.

Yippe?

BUT the presentations are now being held on the 26th? I could have sworn before it was the 28th. I'm not complaining though. I get to celebrate the anniversary of one of the greatest UPS men to ever deliver to the SWACO warehouse. =)

JJ's foot has been getting mega bad this week- someone accidentally stepped on his heel in the hall and it basically set him into a relapse. Tensions are pretty high and everyone is fucking stressed out of their minds.

Planning on getting a haircut soon. Then to call the lady down the street to do some alterations on my dress for prom.

To which I've also been thinking lately...

Prom? Walking across the stage to grab a fake diploma?

I feel like people make it all too dramatic. Prom is nice because it's a time to celebrate the fact you actually graduated but I don't see spending hundreds of dollars on a dress and hair and shoes alone. I've heard girls say their dresses were $200=$400. And that's JUST the dress. Not even the shoes. Where do they even get that kind of money?

And the whole walking across the stage thing? I don't need a ceremony just give me my fucking diploma and let me get out of here. Half the time everyone is freaking out on whether or not they're gonna trip or shake with the wrong hand. Plus it takes hours and it's not exactly the most fun thing in the world.

I guess it's just the excitement that the 4 worst years of your life are over.

But maybe I'm just being negative. Either way I'll enjoy myself.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Saturday was fun. Spent the day with my Mikey- golfing. It was really fucking cold, but it was fun (to a point =p). Then he went to work and I went over to my Grammy's to have dinner with her, my Uncle Scott and my little bro. Then I got to take a shower at her house (she has the best shower ever). We all watched a Star Trek Voyage together before I was back to Michael's again where we were having a movie night with him, Nathan, and Nathan's girlfriend Jamie.

Michael just got Netflix so we were searching for movies and arguing over which ones to watch and then...we saw it.

The Iron Giant.


Best movie ever when we were all little. So we watched it again. It was good all the same. =)

Then we went from a nice little cartoon to Saw 6. Which was, although slightly disturbing and gory a pretty good movie. I really liked the concept of it.

Sunday I spent the day in my PJ's.

School today was crazy. The morning bell rang early, the computer system was down (AGAIN), and not only was it raining outside but it was raining inside too.

The best part about today though was that today was my 1 year anniversary with my Mikey. I made him a card this morning with crayons and he took me out to Apple Bee's. =)

Our waiter was gay, and his name was Paul B. so I called him Pauly B. He was so nice. =p

Tonight I gotta study for English, Government and do a little VV stuff as well. Time to get my poet on yo.

=)

Slowin Down For Now

At work right now. All my office work is finished and I've been workin warehouse most of the day. Larry taught me how to get an order approved as well as a few more things. He even told me 'good job' a few times which made me feel a lot better. It's just been one of those months where you feel that everything you do is a mistake and you can't stop worrying about it. And every time I hear about a problem going on I think it has to do with me. Quite annoying. None of them have been me- yet... Hung out at Jackie's and we spend hours searching for online coupons for Zeppie's. Couldn't find any. And Ginonino's was way cheaper anyways, so we got pizza and spicy boneless garlic wings there. Once we had our munchies we watched the movie 'Hide and Seek'. Next day I hung out with Mikey. We fell asleep together under his electric blankie and when we woke up it was like a winter wonderland outside! The both of us just kinda held each other and watched it fall. We couldn't relax for long though because we had to go to dinner at my Grammy's which was yummy. Last night I worked all day and then my Aunt DB took Michael, JJ, and myself out to dinner at Reddi's pizza. We went back to her house after and Michael set up her new cable box...she was so excited at all the new channels she was getting. Greg in the office is getting married tomorrow. I'm so excited for him. He's going to Mexico for his honeymoon too...I told him to bring me back some drugs. ;p Don't know what my plans are tonight. I gotta call Akron U about some thing and then start writing my stuff for my VV presentation. Which is on the 28 of this month. Again. I'm only pissy because that will be the 3rd year anniversary of his death...maybe it's good I have the distraction though. Day of silence is the 15...gotta get t shirt monies in maybe...if not I know I'll participate. Which reminds me I should see if I have to work that day... Well, some new orders are coming in now! Gotta go pull 'em, pack 'em, and ship 'em! I love the warehouse.