LolOmgILuffHer

Andeth: Well you need to be more frikin specific
Jackie: WELL YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE THAT CONNECTION ASH AND I HAVE! WE COULD BE LIKE ASKDFJHAKSHFDKLASHFDLKAFHAKFJD AND THEN GO: OMG I KNOW!!

xD

It's true. =)

<3

ily.

I Wish

I could draw.

Dunno why. I just would love to express myself through art.

=/

Today Cy and I saw Grand Torino. He wasn't offended by the racist comments so that was good. =p

It was nice seeing it again. =)

Went back to his house and ate dinner there. Played Rock Band. When Cyrus gave me the mic to sing I pushed it away because I was too nervous. But I sung along to some songs. I don't think anyone heard me though, which is fine.

Cy and I then watched Mr. Bean. That movie was too funny. =p

Got home and had a talk with my mother before heading into the living room where my Dad had started a fire (in the fireplace).

It was really warm and so fun to watch. I'm always so captivated by the dancing flames in the fireplace. So beautiful, yet so dangerous. I love it.

JJ and Nick pulled me into the guest room and wanted to know about...health... *cough*

Silly little boys...

Going to make cookies, and then drive to the park with my Dad, we're going to take a hike in the woods

Lemon pepper chicken for dinner too! My most and always favorite dinner. Ever.

NOTHING WILL BEAT IT! o.o

Listening to Arms Of The Angels by Sarah McLaughlan. It always makes me want to cry, it's such a pretty song and her voice is so beautiful.

ily.

Blah Bleh Meh

Okay, so in yesterday's post we established it was fucking cold in the school.

Today wasn't too warm either but we'll get to that later.

Sunday night I was up late talking to Cyrus and Rayy and watching online movies. Attempted to watch Across The Universe but it bored me so I moved onto Religulous. Then, all of a sudden, I'm not even halfway through the movie when it stops and alittle thing pops up saying "You have watched 72 minutes of video using our site. To continue to watch, wait another 54 minutes or buy our shit."

Okay...maybe I edited the last part a bit...but it was still the same message...

Had my Physics and Spanish 1 exam's yesterday.

I thought Physics was easy, but I got a C on the exam.

It FELT like I knew the answers.

I'm not gonna say anything about Spanish so I don't jinx it...

While Mom and I were pulling out of the school I suddenly remembered that we were supposed to be giving Peaches a ride home.

In the end we pulled into a driveway and she ran over to us.

Sorry Peaches.

The three of us gals got Wendy's though. =)

Picked up a package and post post office (it had Valentines Day present in it apparently) and then we took Peaches home.

Watched the movie Juno that I borrowed from Rayy. It was okay, kinda sadish.

Went upstairs and talked to Cy online and doodled in a notepad and then on myself.

I was using Sharpie so I had to use toothpaste to get it off of my skin. My hands and wrists smelled miny fresh though!

Around 6:15ish my Mom dropped me off at the High School for Cy's Prom Fair meeting.

I was a half hour early so I had to wait.

Didn't know anybody except the people I recognized walking down the halls that I've lost conneciton with. Like Dave Bina or Mackenze Mitchell.

The older girl with the on and off fake British accent was there too. I dunno her name...I think I used to know it though....

Speant most of my time in the end looking at my feet or petending to be texting someone. While inching towards the door I buumbped into Kelly Dean (Carly and Jaime's mom).

She and I cut into the line and went in. =p

Got yelled at for sitting in someone's reserved seat and gave them a bit of additude saying that I missed the sign and to take a chill, it wasn't the end of the world.

I mean, it's not like I wasn't going to move or anything. All you need to do is ask nicely and not give me mouth, or I'll give it back.

I kinda suck at the whole 'respect your elders' gig, don't I?

The show was good. Had some good laughs. Cyrus looked great in his. =)

One of the guys put a sign that said "Hi Mom!" on the back of his. =p

After that I found Cy in the cafe and sat down to wait as he went off to change. I got bored so I decided to count how many guys walking out of backstage would swing the door open and have it hit the table behind it and go "...whoops..."

There were 5.

For the raffle thing they had Cy won the Apple Bee's gift card thing. He hates Apple Bee's. A definate laugh out loud moment. =)

After that we decided we were hungry and went to Steak And Shake. I only got a small plate of fries and he got a salad and a milkshake.

I shot my straw wrapper at him.....because I'm mature....

=D

When he went to wash his hands because they were stick from the milkshake, I took the bill and hurried over to the chash register to pay for it.

I was like "Okay, we're going to have to speed this process up because he doesn't know I'm paying."

The lady laughed at me and we had a quick conversation about how she does it too and such. =p

Hey, he ALWAYS pays for me, why can't I pay for something just once?

Got home, watched Dad play call of Duty for a bit, then went to bed.

Had major chills this morning, couldn't get warm.

Discovred that my headphones are reaching the end of their life. There at that stage where if you move the wire you'll only be able to hear out of the right ear.

*sigh*

Best pair of headphones I've ever had, they lasted really long.

I wished they came in more colors...like red...

=)

Study hall was fun today, talked with Laura from VV. She's pretty cool, we talked about lots of stuff. =)

Had lunch right after. It wasn't as chaotic as I thought it was gonna be with many lunch changes and such.

Lost Peaches and Devvy Chan but Rayy sits at the table now! =D

Many people complemented me on my shiny shirt today. Thank yous, thank yous.

In Spanish we moved seats. I sit in the first row right in the middle. Exactly where I wanna be.

History class we got assigned seats too...

Bleh.

English we got our packet for our research papers...ugh...

Got home and immedeatly started on my homework (but saved a bit for study hall tomorrow) and then fell asleep.

I didn't wanna talk or deal with anyone (if you haven't noticed my rope was quite short today).

Fell asleep at 3:18 and woke up at 6:49.

Missed dinner, it was pick night anyways so I didn't care.

Dad and JJ came up to check on me a few times.

Woke up to Cyrus calling me, I just picked up Ozwald when he said I had 1 missed call.

I was so close! ><

Ate cereal and then called Cy back.

That's about it.

Sorry for the mood today. Not too happy I guess.

Doug, the UPS guy at my Dad's office has brain cancer and won't make it. He's really sick. Quit his job, and everything.

I didn't know him that well, but I feel like I'm losing a best friend.

I always looked forward to him coming late every afternoon to the warehouse to pick up the boxes we packed.

Blah.

Already ranted to Cy about how life isn't fair (which sucks) and how bad things always happen to good people (which I'm tired of seeing).

I wanna call Doug, but what the fuck am I going to say? "Hey Doug, heard you're dying so I'd thought I'd hurry and say goodbye before ya choke!"

I mean seriously.

I wanna visit him more but that can't happen just I'd just break down crying right in front of him. Which is just as bad as the above phone call.

Meh.

ily.

Ah...I Am So...Blonde... XD

So, towards the end of my last posted, I noted that I might be hangin with Cyrus for the afternoon.

He picked me up around 4 and we went down in the basement to play checkers (scooby doo checkers o.o) and then we started watching the movie Elf.

Well his little brother Darayus (who's 6) came down and decided to watch it with us.

He ran upstairs and brought down 2 pieces of paper and gave Cyrus one and me one. Mine said good and the other said bad.

Then he proceeded to yell "CYRUS YOU'RE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST AND SHE'S ON THE GOOD LIST NOW GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL FRIEND!"

XXXD

And since Cyrus was on the 'naughty list' he started throwing toys at him and beating him, the 2 year old, Devon, joined in on the throwing and beating too.

Once the little darlings (=p) were done with Cyrus we emerged from the basement so Cyrus's Dad wanted to take me home.

While they were moving the cars in the drive way I went inside his mother began to interrogate me. =p

And the blonde moment began!

She asked me how long my parents have been married and I said "Ummm...I dunno, maybe 15 years?"

Apparently my parents have been married for 19 (goin on 20 this year) and I basically just told Cyrus's mom that my mom was knocked up with me before she was married...

My mom was like "OMG ASHLEY YOU CALL OR TEXT CYRUS AND TELL HIM THE RIGHT ANSWER THIS MINUTE!!!"

My Dad thought it was fucking hilarious.

=p

Then Cyrus's Dad asked me when I worked and where the office was located and I said "...Oaksville"

And his Dad said "You mean Oak Wood?" and I was like "Oh yeah yeah, Oak Wood Village, I call it Oaksville as a joke..." *hopes they're not realizing I'm trying to save my ass*

=p

On the way home though I think I impressed his Dad when I told him I lettered in golf this year and that I work out...

=D

Once I was dropped off I told my dad and mom about the interrogation and they gots some kicks and giggle outta it.

Heh...my mom asked me if cyrus's mom was cacashion and I wasn't really paying attention and said "Oh no, she's white."

Rayy says I'm the smartest person ever. =p

Well that's it for tonight.

More funny tomorrow, yes?

ily.

Sooooooooo

This guy made my day:

Me: hellos
Cyrus: hey you
Me: waz up?
Cyrus: i have a list of people for you because I kicked butt and took names
Me: whoo hoo! =D

XD

Last night I told Cyrus to kick butt and take names at his Kung Fu Tournament that was today.

That's about it. =)

Pumped some iron today and worked on my paper. Oh, and watched the movie Silence Of The Lambs on youtube. It was rather good.

Now for bed!

ily.

Ho Ho, Steameeeh

Okay, so I forced myself outta bed around 10:30ish this morning. Turns out I stayed up half the night last night (try until like 4:30 in the morning) because I was afraid to leave my mom alone. My dad slept in the guest room, which is the room all the way at the end of the hallway upstairs. I wished he would have slept on the couch (like my mom has had to because he snores so fucking loud when he drinks that I can even hear him from my bedroom...-_-). I mean, what if my mom needed to go to the ER and when she called us we couldn't hear?? So I sat at the top of the stairs with my pillow, curled in a ball. Hammy came up later and sat next to me, so at least I had some company I guess.

Mom fell asleep, and I didn't wanna be grumpy at Dev's, so I decided to go back into my room, my back was killing me from being in a ball for hours anyways. I get most of my sleep in the morning, from 5-10ish, so I'm sorta kinda well rested....

Attempted to clean my room and then packed some things to go to Dev's. I brought her 4 Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup cans because I know how much she likes them, and come Chewy Bars. I know how she's trying to lose weight, and they're only 90 calories. They seem to give me a little energy boost too, so I brought some over to try (these were chocolate cherry ones) and she liked them, so I gave her the rest in the box. Mom got me some chocolate, and smores one's Devvy Chan, so don't worry I have breakfast.

Watched the movie To Kill A Mocking Bird. I thought it was pretty good, and it was in black and white, and I like black and white movies. I've gotta say, for those who watched the movie A Separate Piece, the acting, effects, and just plain movie was a hell of a lot better even though it was in black and white.

I'm gonna look at the question's again, I think you can answer at least some of them. Otherwise, I wanna read the book since I liked the movie.

Devvy Chan and I were gonna walk today, but it was tooooooooooo hot (notice the title), so we watched the movie Stick It (which was good) and Bring It On (which, well I dunno I didn't really like, I'm not one for cheerleaders). I played with her dog, and went home around 7 with my mom to water plants and watch The Ruins. Zak said it sucked, but Mom and I liked it. She said the ending in the book was different from the ending in the movie though.

It was weird while watching the movie. Well, when we had to pause it so mom could get more yogurt. She suddenly started going off on how proud of me she was, and how she was so sorry about her getting sick a lot, and started crying, saying that she was selfish she had children, and how much she loved me. I got really scared because she kinda sounded....well suicidal. Not that she would kill herself, just that it the way she was saying all this sounded like she was gonna...die soon. Like she knew her time was short. I dunno if my mom is gonna make it to my graduation, and I always feel guilty for wanting her to live more. She's always in so much pain. I don't think any of you see it, but she's in a lot of pain, and she has been ever since she was a kid. I mean, her back molars are cracked from grinding them down so much in pain....and all the meds and shots she has to take and get. She shouldn't deserve to live like that. Nobody should.

My laptop can't seem to find the wireless Internet connection I've been using for the past two days. I'm hoping that if I connect it downstairs, and then restart it might help. If not then this will defiantly suck.

I heard it was gonna be even hotter tomorrow, and dad want's me to golf. Of course he does, on the day where it's gonna be above 90. Well fuck that, I'm not getting my sleep deprived ass outta bed at 7 in the morning to practice for his dream (for those of you that don't know, it's making the team...). I'll go to the range tomorrow, but I'm not gonna golf when the weather is in the 90's unless I have to. Our cleaning lady is coming over tomorrow anyways, so mom will have to take me in the afternoon (when it will be hotter than hell out) to the range. But hey, I'd rather do that then get up early and golf.

Going to see the movie Wanted tomorrow with my Mom, JJ, Grammy, and Uncle Scott. He got a new Jeep Wrangler, so I finally get to see it and ride in it! *squeals* I'm so excited!! I like those types of cars. Well, gonna go to bed, and if I can't sleep, I'll attempt and my summer reading book.

Oh yeah, got my first pay check yesterday!!! It's so cool!

ily.

Devy Chan is ova

Devvy chan is here! Friday my uncle picked us up from school and drove us home, then we played DRR, ate pizza hut, and raced on the Wii. After the first 20 laps my right hand was starting to hurt from only driving with it so with the next race I drove with my feet! Scary thing was I did better than with my one hand! xD

Attempted to do some homework while Devvy and Ryan played on Runescape. Stayed up until a little after 12.

Today we finished the rest of the pizza and cheese sticks, I got an account on runescape, we walked the dog about 3 miles, then went back on runescape. During dinner a woodpecker came to the bird feeder. But not just any woodpecker, a pileated woodpecker. Pretty cool huh? My dad said that they were on the endangered species list a few years ago too.

Something weird is up with the home computer. A thing keeps popping up saying we have a virus, when spy sweeper and Norton say we're all clean, and when you type a search on google porn comes up. My dad's friend searched chips and porn came up.... He say's he'll try and fix it though.

Well gotta go to the store with mommy, and then Dev and I are gonna try and race again!

=)

FINALLY

YES, FINALLY, I FINALLY WATCHED FOREST GUMP!! How it happened:

*zak and I looking in movie cabinet*
me: so what do you wanna watch?
zak: i dunno, anything you want
me: pick three or something
zak: um...*thinks* either ______, ______, or Forest Gump
(they're like _____ cuz I forgot which one's he picked...)
me: i've never watched that movie before
zak: O.O HOW COULD YOU NOT?? PUT. IT. IN.

So we watched it, and I thought it was good. Funny, but sad in the end. Funny how I know this cuz I really only watched half of it...during the end zak found our old Darth Vader voice changer mask and we made Darth Vader sound black XD

Then we watched Saturday night live, and they were doing this news thing and one of them was like: Today President Bush announced that he was going to put man on the moon. He said not to worry, it will be very accurate since he'll be doing it when there is a full moon.

XD

You ever feel hyper yet tired at the same time? Like your eyes are wide opened and stuff but in the back of your mind you just wanna fall over and sleep? I feel like that right now =P

Dad took me golfing today. By the third hole the blisters on my feet were so bad dad let me play in my socks! It was fun! And geese almost attacked us! And it got really dark and thunder like! And I made this really cool putt!

Then we went and had burgers and while we were leaving at Boston Hills ski place...you'll never believe who I saw....THOMAS THE FREAKING TANK ENGINE!! HE WAS THERE! FOR REAL!!! AND HE WAS PULLING A REAL TRAIN! IT WAS A REAL ENGINE MADE LIKE THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!!

*hyperventilates*

alright I'm good now.

It rained, then zak came over. =)

and that was my great night =)

Ice Cream!

So school was normal today. We started summer sporting in PE and I question why they had bowling because in our school that is a winter sport...

Went on a 3 mile walk today with my dad and the dog. Also wrote more of chappie 3! Did I ever send you guys chappie 2? Also, the spacing in my book is going to be different. Turns out, as Rayy showed me, that the way I was doing it was wrong, but it's all better now! Also, she's been so kind as to edit the spacing on my 1st book so lets give her a hand!

Speaking of Rayy, I wanted to go to the range today and hit golf balls (when I said to my dad: "Hey can I go to the range and hit today?" he looked at me and it was almost like I touched his heart or something since, he always used to force me to go. I thought that was nice, made my day and I'm sure it made his.) Anyways, so I get in all my golf gear- a polo, tan caprices, and golf shoes (new ones!)- and get all my golf gear- golf bag, golf balls (new!) golf glove (also new!) and other golf stuff- I get in the car and we drive to the range and the street is blocked 0ff with a fire engine and a ambulance. Weird. So we decided to go to Mr. T's Ice Cream. On the way we surprised Rayy and picked her up to get ice cream with us!

We then saw a really tall man waving in the back of these businesses, it was like a plastic thing, my dad didn't even reach his knee! I took a pic on my phone, I'll have to show it to you later! Then gave her the tour of my dad's office. Fun fun!

Now I'm here. I'm gonna get my laptop upstairs and type chappie 3!

Oh and did you see youtube's icon for earth day?! It's awesome!

Best Buy is Stoopid

Mkays, so I got my laptop back yesterday right? Was all excited, but I didn't go on it, I was too tired. So I log on it today.

Now

the problem with my laptop was the tons of spywhere, so they were supposed to put an anti-spywhere thing on it, and word 07 since it wasn't loading on my computer.

Well, no anti-spywhere, no word 07. There's word 03, but not 07.

I swear my dad's gonna blow that place up one day...

What made my day today:

Dad: *walks in the computer room muttering* stupid...fucking...best buy...fuckers...
Me: hey dad look, my hair's in a pony tail again!
Dad: *turns around* whoa...*shocked face*
Hammy: *comes up from behind the chair and starts batting my hair around
*we all laugh (cept hammy)*

=)

Its little things like that in life that make my day!

Oh so now I've got a deadline, Friday, if I don't stop 'cutting' some one's gonna tell my parents. Ryan told me this. At first, I was like really pissed off. Now, I'm kicking myself because this is a good thing. But, if I don't stop by Thursday I'm gonna beat ya guys too it. I'm gonna tell my mom. Why? Well cuz if you guys tell her she's gonna blame herself for being such a bad parent...and you guys know she's not.

Fuck, I might even tell her tonight. Why? I dunno it's a Tuesday I guess.

I think I realized why I'm doing this to myself. I've been trying to figure out because I don't believe depression is a disease, that's just stupid to me- sorry peaches but I lied to you when I agreed, I didn't wanna get into it. So I've got about 2 reasons:

Reason A:

Home life.

My parents have done nothing but yell and yell and yell for about 2 years now. It's not at me, its at my brother for his grades and stuff. Kinda stupid I should be feeling sad about that, but I just can't take seeing them get so disappointed in themselves and in JJ. And what really chokes me up is that JJ doesn't even seem to care and that what I try to talk to him he doesn't talk back. We always tell each other everything...now it's like there's this gap...

man I'm tearing up right now...ha

Reason B (and a stupid reason at that but hey):

Lack of love.

You ever want someone to hold you close to them? Wrap their arms completely around you and whisper in your ear it's going to be alright and kiss you? And I'm talking about a boyfriend not a parent or a friend. I long for that so much... Thing is, I don't like anyone in that way...sure I have a fair few friends that are guys (I think about 10 or so) but I don't really consider them more than my friend. They're not the one. Ya know, THE ONE? Where you wanna spend every waking moment with them? Yeah, haven't found them yet...

I feel like I have this hole inside me...call me a lame poetic weirdo, but it's like I'm missing a piece, the, the one piece. (okay so maybe that wasn't that poetic but nah nah nah nah nah).

OW

Hammy pulled my hair down and I hit my head on the back of the chair...

Anyways, I guess it's good that I'm not thinking about suicide or anything, yuck. If I killed myself my mom would die, just lay down and die, then my bro would be all messed up and then my dad would be messed up and not to mention you guys out there. I could never be that cruel, never.

Saying that, if you do tell my parents and go "ash is cutting and we all think she might want to kill herself" I'll fucking rip your head off.

and if YOU guys ever try to do it either for a first time or again and fail, the same applies. I'll make is my top priority to go to where ever you are after I hear the news.

Well that's all.

Tired of it

So i just lost a friend today- or more they lost me. Ryan the "God" of the MT (morning table= table me and most of my friends and some other ppl. sit at in the morning before the bell rings at school) just yet again exploded on me for no reason. I'm tired of it, I'm pissed, and I can't stand it anymore. I don't feel like doing anything anymore right now, just work and that's it. It might seem like i'm all happy on the outside but i'm really not right now. At least i have Dev, Rayy and everyone else by my side. I love you guys to death!