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I wrote a letter to my Grandma and Grandpa today.

I'm going to take it to their grave on Sunday.

T-Giving Break

Hmmm...recap....lets see...

Wednesday:

Was a total fucking waste of gas and time. Thanks University of Akron. I could have made how much money at work that day and instead I sat through 1 math class (which I did need to go to) then spent the rest of the day in 2 5 second classes and sitting on my ass in the library for hours (where a creepy guy kept winking at me continuously) only for 5 extra credit points.

Fuck you.

Thursday:

Was better.

Slept in and spent most of the day watching Bones and helping my Mom around the kitchen a bit. I already set the table the night before (beautifully if I do say so myself), and Jj was at Scott's making a 2nd Turkey.

Family came over around 4:30. Mom, Scott, and I all had a Cranberry Lime Smirnoff (my favorite out of them) and at like little piggies. The turkey was good and very juicy. Grandma stayed late to play Scrabble with Jj and myself and Michael drove over and joined us towards the end of the game.

He and I then 'watched' Due Date and snuggled then he left.

Friday:

Went black Friday shopping with Dev! We hit Wal Mart (shitty deals), Dots (awesome bras for $6.50), Rue 21 (amazing deals; guys hoodies for $7, shirts and skirts for $3-$9, nice panties for $1 and belts for only $2!) and Kohls (where I got my Mom kitchen seat cushions for her Christmas present and realized that I either spent/lost my $25 Kohls gift card...so I had to pay the $38 for them...AND THEY WERE ON SALE. WTF?!).

Got her a belt with an owl on it for her birthday.

Dev and I also went to Steak and Shake and enjoyed some chicken fingers and fries and talked about life. =)

Went over to Michael's around 11PM and we watched Jackass 2 on TV and he made me some effing amazing pancakes.

Saturday:

Mom's birthday today (she's 54, shhhhhhh!). It's already chaos.

Scott came over to give Mom her present he got for her and also to bring news to Jj and after he told him NO he CANNOT play games on his computer Jj did actually play games on his computer. Turns out, the games required you to pay to play them and despite the fact jj had cards with money on them he accidentally hit some button that charged my Uncle's credit card. $75+ and 4 hours at the bank later, he was here.

He has to change all his credit card numbers, his debit card number, everything because the last time he stole money off of my mom's credit card to pay for one of his games and shit someone else got the number too and we had to suffer through 3 years of identity fraud.

Jj is in deep shit.

Dad got Mom a laptop for her birthday (which I think is a waste of money, she doesn't know shit about computers...except how to screw them up) and a wireless printer for the whole house. I'm going to get the old printer when I move out (hopefully in a year or two...).

Now we're just waiting for her to get into the 'present chair' for her to open them.

Future

I asked Micheal last night if he ever thought/wanted to sleep with more than one girl before he finally met 'the one'. He said it didn't care and rather it is with just me.

I don't want to say he's the one, simply because I'm so young, but I'm pretty sure he is.

Regardless...

I don't think I want him to be the ONLY one that I've slept with.

I wanted to experience different brands of sex with different people. Wanted to explore and find out what I really liked bedroom wise. I didn't plan nor have I ever wanted to be one of those married couples that go 'ya know, you were the only one I've been with, ever since high school'.

In fact, I feel bad for couples that are like that. It just seems so blah and boring to me.

No adventure. No fun.

It makes me feel disappointed in my love life knowing that (at this point) Michael is probably going to be the only one for me (long term wise).

I love him and I'm glad he probably is 'the one' but...I just didn't think I'd find my 'one' so soon.

I'm not ready for 'the one' yet.

But I'm too afraid to lose him. Too afraid to break him.

I'm not that selfish where I would leave something so great just to go fuck a couple of guys and gals just for the sake of having a more adventurist love life.

But dammit I hate fairy tale relationships/high school sweethearts.

Sometimes...

Even though I am with the most wonderful man in the world that loves me, cherishes me, and will do anything to keep me safe and happy and I feel just as strongly about him...

I wish I had a girlfriend.

I had always planned on letting college be the time where I experimented with that and really got to know my true lez side. I even imagined bringing her home and to one of the family reunions just so my family could sneer at us as we walked around proudly.

I'd convince Michael to have a threesome if I wasn't so selfish and wanted her all to myself...

I'd rather at least like to be able to go and do the dirty with a girl one night and then come back to Michael (he would know all about it) with no consequence...

It all sounds almost cruel. Whenever I feel that way now I'll just listen to my Ashley song. Maybe then I'll stop wishing about what I'm missing out on...

Weekend Recap

Jj had his surgery this Friday (as you all know). I skipped school, snuggled with Mikey for about an hour until I got the call that Jj was out of surgery. Then I drove to party station and got him a smiley face balloon and made it to the hospital before he woke up. =)

He ended up coming home after that and pretty much slept the whole weekend. Dad and I drove all the way down to Cleveland to get Jj and sub from Grums. I had him listen to

Yeah' but Lil John and Usher. =p

Then we played pool downstairs and had some interesting conversations. It was pretty cool.

Today I bought some x-mas gifts online and from CVS and grabbed Jj some McDonalds french fries. Helped him with some ice packs for his leg and gave him his meds before heading off to Mikey's.

We had some fun and then went to the park and had an adventure because it was nice out. He played a song for me called 'Ashley' by Escape the Fate.

http://www.lyricsmania.com/ashley_lyrics_escape_the_fate.html <--- Lyrics

<3

Got 100% on my math quiz. Which is good because it's the one class I'm kind of hanging by a thread. Need a C- to pass. Have a C+ now. Better do pretty well on that final...

Well, that's about it for a recap of the weekend.

Hope everyone else hand a good one too =)

Sigh?

Sigh.

Quizzes and Snacks

Have you ever had one of those quizzes where you're completely rocking the whole front side of the page and then you turn it over and go 'wtf is this shit?!'.

Yeah.

Just had one of those.

AND I forgot my bag of snacks in my car....

BUT

When I skip out of classes early today (psych and ethics) I can eat them on the way to and in the hospital.

I care more about my brother's surgery than school today.

The Moon

If you haven't noticed (which if you haven't I'm just gonna say it right now, you're either blind or dumb) I changed my blog template.

I wanted to go bright (like a flower or something) but then again, I wanted it to be of something I really loved.

And if it's one thing I love, it's the moon.

Even though it appears (almost) every night, I'm amazed by it every time I look up. To me it represents power, beauty, and grace. If anything, moon light is my favorite thing in the world. I love the way it covers the earth and lights up the dark. It's color is also simply magnificent.

Nothing interesting happened today. Gotta wake up around 5:45 so I can drive the girl I baby sit to school (Makenna), then go to work for 8 hours, then go pick Makenna back up from school and baby sit her for another 4-5 hours.

Gonna be a loooooong day.

When It Rains It Pours

And holy shit did it pour yesterday...

I got new wipers though...the kind that are rubber like and shape to your wildsheild....they're flipping amazing. =)

Amazon.Com is having their black Friday sale already. Got a blu ray dvd for $4 (that's including shipping). =O

Should do math homework tonight....kinda wanna look at new blog templates though....Probably should do math, somehow kinda screwed up my wrist at work today. The less I use it, the better.

I'm making popcorn chicken =)

Also, my shingles are going away (kinda...they don't itch anymore).

Yeah, I had shingles (have...). Go stress, poor diet and lack of sleep!!!

Homework and Sleep

Saturday night after watching SNL with my mom I spent the rest of the hours watching Pocahontas online. Then I did and IMBD only to discover that Christian Bale voiced the character of Thomas in the movie.

My mind. Was blown. It doesn't even freaking sound like him!

This morning I slept in until about 11:50 then rolled my lazy ass out of bed to shower and start my math homework.

I was planning on getting it all done by dinner but i decided...hey, I'm still super tired, and I wanna watch the 2nd Pocahontas...so I went back to bed and watched that. Which I was really disappointed in. Pocahontas and John Smith we so in love in the first movie and then she leaves him for this girly ass guy instead...Bleh.

I napped after that until about 5:30 then had dinner with the fam.

Dad told us the story again about how when he was in kindergarten he put one of his Dad's slippers in the fish tank so the fish had a cave to swim through...and every time Grandpa (his dad...grandpa to me...) would sit in the lazy boy chair (NEXT TO THE FISH TANK) and go "Dammit, where are my GD slippers?!".

He never noticed.

=p

Did my math quiz and now I'm here blogging. Really wanna watch Bo Burnham's Words Words Words again on Netflix...I effing love that guy. He's cute and funny and all hell, not to mention positively brilliant.

Oh yeah, and JJ made me a paper throwing star. He goes for another surgery this coming Friday.

Inner Bad Thoughts

Some of my inner bad thoughts are starting to come out.

Like:

I hate fat people that are gay. Gays are already hated enough. The fact that you're a fat ass makes it even worse for the community.

It's a stupid feeling really...but hey.

Long Time No See

When I got home from school Friday night and retreated to the confines of my room I found a notebook filled with a few journal entries.

It made me realize just how much I missed blogging.

I originally stopped after reading past blog posts. 4 years ago I was the typical pre-teen: Whiny, random, silly and depressed easily and the fact slightly embarrassed me. However, the memories I recorded, whether happy or sad, brought me excitement.

Finding that notebook reminded me of that.

So I'm going to try and keep up with Laughing Under The Sun.

What has happened so far since I've been gone?

A lot.

The basics is that I'm now a freshman in college and that University of Akron. I commute and my major is Marketing and Sales. My grades are all great (except for math but as long as I'm passing I couldn't give a damn), and I've met some cool people.

I've been with Michael Alexander Dubay for 1 year and 9 months now and we are going as strong as ever. Even though I try not to think about things like marriage and kids in the future (simply because I feel that at 18 I don't need to think about those things) I can't help but feel that he is 'the one'.

Been working at S.W.Anderson. We let our one warehouse guy (John) go and have had our new guy Tom (who I call TomTom...like the GPS system) since July. He's a pretty fucking awesome dude. He's in his 40's, has a lazy eye and isn't afraid or ashamed to talk about it when asked and if you make a good joke about it he even laughs and gives you brownie points. He's been involved in a fighting style called Kail and can defiantly kick ass and take names. His eating habits and skinniness are also similar to mine but he exercises and drinks protein shakes and I've started to get into it too.

Baby sitting wise I've been watching the two most awesome and cutest kids in the world: Makenna (9) and Ryan (7 and Larry from work son).

Have rekindled my friendship with Jackie and keeping up my friendships with Devlyn, Rachel, Erin, Justin and Andy.

In fact, Andy just came over to give me back my calculator he's had for about a year and a half... =p

Got my first speeding ticket. There was a guy that was checking me out in a truck (an ugly old guy...) so I decided I'd put the pedal to the floor and get ahead of him. Bad idea. As soon as I passed him a cop appeared on the side of the road and clocked me at 82 in a 65. Though I can say...I was pretty impressed my car sped up that fast in that short of time. =p

I helped a guy on my OpinionAided app/website and talked him out of committing suicide. Every time I answer one of his questions he always reminds me how I saved his live. Makes me feel kind of awesome I can help a complete stranger.

Got my first credit card. It's been helpful. Managing money fine.

Also decided I'm going to cut pop and fast food drastically out of my diet. Eat more mango's too =p

Thinking about giving my blog a new look, make it brighter.

Watching SNL with mama now!