I Promised Myself

A little bit ago, not to use my blog to voice my 'issues' anymore and to try and only write about the happier things in my day.

But of course promises are meant to be broken, at least a little bit. I guess my excuse is this post is really for a update and so I don't have to keep typing the same thing via IM over and over and over again.

However there is going to be some humor seeing as it's dealing with my Mother. =p

So I get home from the bus to find my Mother sitting on the couch completely out of breath and grabbing her chest. When I asked her what was wrong she said that her heart was beating very fast and that she could hardly breath.

I told her that she was either gonna call the ER or I was gonna take her there myself and ya know what she said?

"Okay that's a good idea I'll go. BUT WAIT JUDGE JUDY IS ALMOST OVER!!"

That's, what I like to say 'So Saundra'. =p

I took her to the ER and they stuck the leads onto her. Her heart rate was around 101-90 which was high for her but it wasn't too bad. It began to drop and got back down to what her pacemaker was set to which was around 74-80 (her pacemaker is set for 74).

They took blood to do some tests and also took an x-ray of her chest.

After being there for about an hour or so Mom started talking to the old lady next to us named Stella. She told us the story of why she was here and about her rescue dogs. She was really nice. =)

Dad came and was really worried naturally and annoyed that we didn't call him, but we told him it was because we weren't sure if it was serious and that he also had stuff with his mother to deal with too.

I went home to feed the dog and cat and took JJ to Wendy's. After that I did the rest of the laundry and then watched 101 Dalmatians with JJ. Dad came home with the news that "Mom is being taken to the closest South Point hospital because they want to check if she has a blood clot in her lung because the machine they have at the ER here could cause her pacemaker to stop."

Apparently there was a high level of something in her blood that suggested she could have one. Dad wasn't very good on the specifics, although I don't expect him to really be.

A lot of people have been calling the house, and I've been trying to give them all the info I could. I've called my Dad and left a message so I'll blog some more when I get the info about her at the other hospital.

Cross your fingers guys.

ily.

I Am Growing Sleepless and You're Out of Lullabies

I've been very tired lately due to not being able to sleep during the night.

For a few weeks now I've been having fucked up nightmares and all I can remember is like distorted light, and an ominous while figure. Then, every time I wake up from the dreams I feel like I'm in danger and scared and out of the corner of my eye I think I see that damn white figure and I have to turn on my light.

I haven't been able to sleep with it out in weeks because I feel too scared. It almost seems like it'll keep the nightmares away.

Last night I had a horrible one involving my mother in the hospital. Her heat was racing and she was convulsing and I was next to her crying hysterically. It made me worry. =/

Other than the nightmares, life has been pretty good so far.

Been hanging out at the Twist and Shake, I really love it there. =)

Shot at 47 at golf today! Very excited!

After golf Mom, JJ, and myself went to Chick-fil-A and then we watched some Cold Case File together.

Attempted to read Wuthering Heights. and it's also terrible. I can't even understand the one character when he talks, it really is fucking ridiculous. In the end I think I'm going to read one of the required, then A Picture of Dorian Grey, and spark notes the rest.

Played some Sim's on my bothers new TV he got for his room. I haven't played it in years. =p

Now I'll be up half reading Wuthering Heights and half doing computer things. =)

ily.

I Have This Weird Feeling

That things are going to start getting violent.

I hope it's my overactive imagination that's helping me lead to this conclusion.

ily.

Giving Up

I'm gonna give up anything school related this weekend.

Any homework I'm not gonna do.

I'm not gonna study for any tests.

I'm not going to do shit.

School has made me so tired, stressed, and pessimistic I'm at the point where I really want to break things, punch people, then kill myself.

I really do hate school.

Sure, I'll tell teacher and others OMG I LOVE IT. I'll get myself pumped at the end of summer vacation. Tell myself to get ready to learn some new things, get some knowledge.

But really.

I hate it.

I wish we never had school or they changed the way we can get an education.

I would rather be doing manual labor in my Dad's warehouse.

Yeah I know, what a crazy teenager. I want to do work and not look like a fat ass.

But seriously, I don't give a flat fuck if my grades drop. I'm not doing anything.

I'm tired of being stressed and negative and worrying about tests, and homework and I'm tired of just having to 'deal with it' or 'get used to it'.

I've done that with enough shit already. I can stop doing it with school for awhile.

Society needs to find a better way than having kids spend 7 hours a day on their asses with the exception of standing up and sitting down to change classes and ruining their sight by staring at a text book or overhead or chalk board all day.

I say we quit the text books and start going out into the real world at an younger age and actually learning something instead of just trying to pass a class.

Like I do with almost all of mine.

I know you can only get something out of school by making something out of it...but really, there's hardly anything you can make.

Except maybe stress, depression and negativity.

ily.

ORANGE!

Wanna hear my logic?!

So, Devvy Chan said she would pick me up at 9 this morning. It takes me about a half hour or more to get ready in the morning. Her mom is usually late. So I woke up at 8:30.

She came at 9:30.

Smart huh?

=p

Went there and immedetly got food. I got a little basket of fair fries and a coke. Then we watched some of the dog show.

There was this dog called a Rat Terrior and when it came on the stage I said "Sure looks like a rat....XP" and Devvy Chan growled at me...

<.<
>.>

It did though. Like a chiwawa but worse. I don't like them either....they kinda look like giant rats...no offense to people that like them...if they had hair though they'd be okay I guess.

Some of the dogs were dressed up soooo cute though!

Devvy Chan got hungry and so I bought a BUCKET of fair fries (yes, more =p) and we shared them. Then Devvy Chan looked at jewelry with her Aunt. I stood and talked with her Uncle Guy, I have enough jewelry that I don't wear, plus it was expensive. (to me...)

Then when she was done she found me watching this slide of the hand magician person. He was so funny.

The last of his act he had these cups leaning on these little red balls and he put them under the cup (and we all saw him do it) and then he picked some kid and asked him how many balls were in the middle cup and the kid said three and then the magicians eyes got all wide and he screamed "Wrong! ORANGE!!" and there was an orange in all the cups!!! And in his hat was a cantaloupe!!!!

It was epic.

More jokes he made:

"Now before I start the trick sir, I'll need you to feel my balls"
*pulls out 3 little red balls*


Magician: Mama hit the table with the wand
*she tabs table with wand*
Magician: Harder
*she hits table a little harder with wand*
Magician: Harder!
*she tabs table even harder with wand*
Magician: Harder like last night!!!

XD

And the final thing:

"Now this show was for free, but I do love tips..."
*crowd gives him wtf look*
"And you may not know, but all the money goes to Charity....if you don't know also, she works at the corner of 5th and Main"

XXD

I gave him $2. =p

After that we went to the candy shop and I bought 1/2 a pound of fudge and when I got home gave half of it to my Uncle (he looooves fudge).

=D

Didn't really eat much dinner. Went into the other room and overheard my grammy telling my mom how that me not eating much dinner is bad, and I'm looking sick.

With golf it messed up my eating schedule, and I just don't look so hot because of my neck.

Went home, did some homework.

ily.

And P.S. I care, I really really do.

Omg, omg, omg, omg, HEART ATTACK

Golfed well on Tuesday, shot a 51. Dad made a key point that when I golf at Shawniee I hit at the guys tee's, so if i hit at the girls tee's my score is probably in the high fourties most of the time.

Swamped at work today in the warehouse. FIVE trucks came in today, the day of all days. Larry said 5 trucks have never come before. Well, it came the day there was really only one guy working in the ware house. I tried to pull orders as best as I could (taking the packing slip with the order and getting the parts for it) but I didn't know where the rivets and stuff like that were, so once Larry got caught up with what he was working on we got to those. The skid with all the boxes that were going out UPS was filled to the max.

Got home, and started reading a Dear America book about the Salem witch trials. I couldn't get through it, and it's Devvy Chan's book I borrowed on the last day of school, so I'll give it back to her tomorrow.

Now, here's where the title of the postie comes in to play.

So dad went to go on a bike ride around 7 to ride the high tension wires in the back of our house (that bridge that goes over Vally View is where he would start off). I went upstairs to get my stuff ready for Dev's tomorrow so I didn't forget anything, so I didn't know if he left by car or just rode from our house to the bridge.

I watch some TV, and bring my mom ice packs because the migraine is really hitting her hard. Another load of shit she has to deal with along with her now dead nerve in her arm- which the doc said will never heal- her bad leg from all the injections and stuff she needs to take, a pacemaker- thing to keep her heartbeat normal and stuff like that, if you've noticed the scar near her coller bone- and just plain life in general.

Well I go to look around for dad around 8 because I wanna tell him I'm going golfing on Friday whether he likes it or not. That's all I need is to race around tomorrow. Anyways, I check the basement, not there. Check the barn, not there. Both car's are there, so I could assume that he just took his bike, but there are tire tracks in the grass, but they were there when I got home from work. So I thought he was on his bike trip and went upstairs and then back down to watch TV.

10:00 at night, he still isn't home.

I called around, asked if my dad was anywhere, because maybe he rode over to a buddy of his. Not there. Called his cell 19 times, left 3 messages, no answer. I checked around the house for his phone and listened for it in the garage, but I couldn't hear it. So this is what the situation seems to be:

Dad hasn't come back from his bike ride, which he started 3 hours ago and should have been home, he has his cell phone and is not answering it, he didn't take the car, it's pitch black out, mom is sick and it looks like tonight she'll be going to the ER where they can fuck up her other arm, and my Uncle Scott is out of town.

There is the omg's in the title.

So I call my Grandma, and I go outside to let in the dog and tell her what's up. She say's she'll come over, and as soon as I hang up the phone some dude just walks into the garage (heart attack part in the title). Well I let the dog off her leash and was about to dial the second 1 in 911 when I hear "Shaners! Hey girl."

.................................

It's dad.

He said that he decided to go to bike night at Quaker Steak instead....and his cell phone was in the car. I looked, and turns out it was buried in the arm rest on vibrate. That's why I couldn't hear it.

Mom is still sounding pretty bad, sometimes she'll go to the ER at 3 in the morning. So I dunno. Waiting again. I hope she is okay for tomorrow. Dad will be at work and JJ at summer school until 11:15. I would feel better if she wasn't left home alone.

*sigh*

ily.

*sob*

kjsusyefjcjwyenkashdflkahcdaslkv

='(

I forgot my x-drive in one of the computers in the IMC lab during histroy class!!! How can I be so fucking stupid?! I didn't even notice till I was home and that was around 8:30!!

My mom said she'd take me to the school since I was broken down crying. I mean, that thing has my book on it, poems, other stories, pics, my powerpoint for history, other homework! DAMMIT!

The nice janitor dude let us in, and we looked in all the computers and behind the desk, even in the drawers. He didn't have keys to the lost and found though, so I'm going to have to wait until monday to see if anyone stole it or not. Which I'm guessing it's a big yes because theving (as rayy said) is becoming a problem in our school. What if they look in it and take something, or copy shit from my book or poems and call it their own?! I knew I should have put a password on that thing fuck hy didn't I do that?!

Now I'm going to be worried about it all weekend, and I can't type anything or finish our history project...

What if I do get it back and somebody messed with everything?! I really hope someone turned it in....and didn't do shit with it, and look in it...

><

this isn't gonna be a very good weekend....I hope Monday is better....

zaks coming over today so that's good. Maybe he can calm me down...and I got's a massage to look forward to too....

*sigh*

rayy did you hear anything about an x-drive during history???

Thanks for the story and everything else in ur postie (may 16).

Devvy how are you doin? Are the brownies gone?

Peaches and Ryan, waz up?

Zak ily.

Erin, nice face.

Edward, coopa coopa football players.

(don't ask peeps)

Well I guess I'm gonna shower then eat lunch...it's like 10:45 right now...(in the morning for those who couldn't figure that out...).