Pwnage, Storms, and Endings.

Slept in until 12 today.

Golf I did some major pwnage. Here's how it went:

So I was grouped with Patrick (who I think I called Paul in an earlier post...sorries), his brother Kyle, and the asshole sexist pig Frankie. We'll call him the AHSP for short. So, on the second hole he turns to Kyle and goes "Why does the CHICK (not girl, but CHICK) always hit from OUR tee's? It's not like she can hit far."

I hit the ball and made the green and he didn't make it halfway up the fairway. Pwnage 1.

Then on the third hole Kyle hits a bad shot short and into the pond. AHSP looks straight at me and says "Jeez Kyle, I think you need to stop hitting like a CHICK and you'll do better." Well that set me off. I hit my ball nice, in the middle of the fairway, long. AHSP goes up and hit his ball even shorter than Kyles and into the lake. When he was walking to his clubs I looked right at him and went "I think he needs to stop hitting like YOU." He got pissed and left our group to play with the other three-some. Pwnage 2,

I win ha ha ha.

After that JJ got me food because he's so nice, and then we went home and my mom and me watched the storm roll it. It was really windy and cool and we got to see the lightning crash down in our back field. It even hailed and stuff. Hammy tried to catch it from the window.

Spent the rest of my time up in my room. Where basically the last of my day happened.

So ya know that last post about Ryan and the ear thing and how Zak was going to call him and stuff? Well, Zak called him today and while in the middle of saying he was sorry and that it was an accident Ryan got pissed and hung up on him. After a long while Ryan logged on at some point- I didn't hear the door opening sound when he did- so when I noticed he was on I said hellos and then asked him to talk to Zak because I didn't want the fight between then to last. He went on ranting about how he said that Zak was telling him that it was his fault (god forbid anything is) and started calling Zak and asshole and stuff like that. I told him that he was over reacting a bit, and that in my point of view it was both of there faults (Zak shouldn't have been stupid to put the antenna there, and Ryan shouldn't have been stupid to let him) and he started cussing at me and told me to fuck off. I decided then that I was done with his crap, called him an asshole and then exited out of his IM.

Now out of all this and previous fights I think you all have learned that Ryan is always right, knows everything, is the king, and that nothing is ever his fault. Well I'm tired of it and I'm done dealing with him. He's lost another friend for good this time. I hope is ear gets better, but I'm done with him. I'm sorry I called him an ass, but I'm done.

The end.

I've got work tomorrow, but Thursday I'm off. Dad is going to take me to Glen Eagle to play golf. He said it's Twinsburg's course and that its nice. But lets be honest, any of Nordonia's home turf for any sport just sucks. The track, football/soccer/anything else they use it for field, golf course, gym, sucks. Even the stands and locker rooms suck. That's Nordonia for you.

Wonder what I'll do to try and keep myself from sorting boxes tomorrow.

Also, some bad news. The docter told my mom today that the nerve damage in her hand in permadent...my mom isn't going to give up yet though, she's going to a specail doctor that only does hands. I know how much it hurts her for her hand to be like this. She feels usless...and the situation is just sad to begin with. I really hope the hand doc can fix it...=(

Eeeek I should get to bed.

ily.

Ear plugs please?

*sigh*

so dinner came, and my dad suddenly starts yelling at Jj cuz apparently he wasn't holding his fork correctly which in my book since he was eating at home I'm thinking 'who gives a fuck?' but I don't say that out loud.

dad: jj hold your fork right now, you're like an animal
me: humans are animals
dad: no they aren't
me: mhm, we're just smarter, waaaaay smarter, and have better thumbs! *thumbs up*
dad: *shut the fuck up glare*

this proves a few things:
1. my dad needs to go back to school
2. he needs to get a sense of humor
3. he also needs to take a chill pill

we all start quietly munching on our food and dad then asks me if I asked my friends about golfing with them this summer. The 'friends' he's talking about is really a 'friend' and that's Ashley O, who I really only talk to at lunch. I told him that we're gonna call each other up during the summer, which is the truth, and he starts going off on how on Monday's and Wednesday I'm going to be working for him, and that Tuesday I have my golf league and stuff like that, my summer that he's all planned out apparently. Then he says something about another league (this one all girls though) I could join on Thursday. I told him I really don't want to because in truth I hate the golf leagues. I really don't make any friends there, and I don't really see what I learn except that I need to work on my driver which I already know.

Well I guess saying that I didn't like the leagues so much set him off because he then he yells a me saying that he's spent all his time and money planning the golf things and stuff, and that I'm a loser and a quitter and I always give up, and I'm never good enough, and never can reach a goal and that right here right now I should decide whether or not I'm going to do golf this summer because if not he'll just sell the clubs to some kid that actually wants and is good at golf and will use them.

Look at all that motivation! Gee thanks dad! I really know I can actually live up to something for you now!

Anyways, he keeps yelling at me, and I push away from the table, slam the door and go up in the guest room and start tearing up, feeling sorry for leaving Dev, having dinner being ruined, and leaving a bit of food my mom slaved over most of the day on my plate and also feeling sorry for Jj cuz I know he hates seeing me like that.

My mom comes up about 2 minutes later, gives me a hug, and then yells at me saying that my bedroom is a mess, and how I can never keep it clean for more than two seconds.

Even more motivation!

I'd like to point out some things from the above:

1. dad saying how he's spent all his time and money planning things out for golf

Yes, thanks for buying me golf clubs, getting me lessons, taking me to the range and stuff like that, I really appreciate it. But I didn't ask for you to plan out my whole summer around golf and working for you, I have more of a life outside of that. I didn't ask to try out for the golf team, you always just made it seem that I HAD to do this. I didn't ask to be on a league this year, you always just went ahead behind my back and signed me up. I didn't ask for you to drive me around and plan when I need to go to the range, I can ask mom and plan things myself. I'm 14, I can do things like that. Also, I can also plan the things around MY schedule not YOUR schedule.

2. I'm a quitter and I always give up

Well you can see where my motivation is coming from for golf, but I don't remember quitting anything, or giving up cept on maybe math, but I'm more lazy at that. I haven't stopped working out either now have I?

3. dad: "I'll sell the clubs some kid that actually wants and is good at golf and will use them."

Thanks once again. I guess all those complements you've given me all the past were just lies then.

4. My room being messy

My room wasn't messy. There were just the sleeping bags on the floor that a slept on, Dev's stuff, and my stuffed animals spread about the room. Once Dev packed, I put away the sleeping bags, and piled all the animals it looked clean.

Also, I try to keep my room clean but it's hard when I spend almost everyday up here now, and why do you care it's not YOUR room, it's MY room and maybe I like it this way.

It's sad to know that the only confidence I get for golfing now is from random strangers at a golf range.

Do I want to quit? Yes.

Am I going to quit? No.

Why? Cuz I'm not a QUITTER.

The only reason I did golf really was because when I was young I thought it would get my dad to love me more. As I got older I thought that was silly. Doesn't seem as silly now though. It seems like the only way to live up to his expectations is to golf and be on the pro tour and stuff.

Sorry dad, guess I'm a failure.

Back to the say I guess. Dev came up after awhile and asked if I had a knife. I said know, but told her to be honest, I was really thinking about it, and thinking about it hard. She told me she worries about me- and not in that 'ha ha i worry about you sometimes' way because I'm funny or something.

I'm sorry everyone. I really didn't mean to make you worry. I shouldn't have told you guys I guess, you all have your own problems and enough to worry about.

These last few days, especially when Rayy and Dev were here, I woke up will more self confidence that I've ever had in a long time, and looking forward to what seemed like a great summer of 08. It's amazing how all of that can just disappear in the blink of an eye.

It's hot in my room.

I should have showered today, now I smell like chlorine for school tomorrow, great.

The blemish cream doesn't seem to be working so I guess I'm coming to school ugly too.

I'm tired but I'm too hot to go to sleep.

I guess I should stop making this post even longer seeing that I posted today already.

ily.