Hellos followers!
It's been a long time!
I'm sorry, I just haven't had the desire to blog for awhile. I'm either too busy or too tired to.
=/
The only thing exciting that's been happening at the house is a game I think I'm gonna call Kaboom.
How do you play?
You pick any topic under the sun, whether it be how you're doing, the weather, politics, religion, your favorite color etc.
How do you win?
The longer you can talk to my Dad without him suddenly exploding on you, ya win.
3 minutes is my record. =)
The lovely Jackie is hosting a Halloween party at her house, I can't wait! I helped her gather some of the Halloween decorations at my house yesterday, and the day of the party I'm going over early to help set up. =D
Red Ribbon Week is this week.
I hate it, and the fact that I didn't think about the fact that I was putting a red shirt on this morning. So today I looked like I supported it.
Fuck.
The lady asked me if I would sign the pledge again today and again I said no.
And again she looked at me as if I were Satin.
I'm sorry, but I'm set on the plan of trying a little weed after I graduate. Don't like it? Then piss of.
And yes I do support it being legalized.
While waiting in line for lunch today the really small freshie that looks like a 4th grader started talking to me (or rather my boobs, since that's where she came up to). We talked about Ketchup. =p
Went to the docs and got my flu shot (not the Swine flu one, you're lucky if you got that one). I got Dora stickers!! =D
Applied for a job at Fun n' Stuff. Also going to apply for a job at Burlington and maybe Peppers too. =)
And with that, I leave you all farewell and with one question to answer:
How do you release your anger and frustration?
ily.
Showing posts with label Cut. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cut. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Love List
Sooooo, "Love List" huh? Lez dew eeeet!
I Love...
1) My Imagination
My mind is never still- which is probably why it used to take me a long time to fall asleep quickly. I was always just just thinking and imagining the most random things, situations and stories in my head. Now I have them under control a little bit...
Sure in hell helps me at school. =p
2) My Sarcasm and Sense of Humor
It seems to always keep that type of comedic spark going in my life and hell, if you're able to laugh at one thing or group of people you should be able to laugh at them all. It also helps on those rough days. I especially love cheering my friends up with it. =)
3) My Music Tastes
There really isn't any type of music that I've found I completely hate yet. It annoys me when others refuse to listen to something because it's too "slow" or it's "country". I love that I have a lot of variety.
4) My Eyes
I love the color. Green with little flexes of brown is what they are and when I wear the right outfit everyone seems to notice them too. =)
5) My Body
At least most of it. Especially when I get time to work out regularly. Abs=love!
6) My Goofiness
I'll do just about anything to get a good laugh out of people. Plus, it's just no fun being serious and practical all the time!
7) My Ability to Stumble Upon Strange Happenings
I've seen and had many weird things happen to me in my life so far. But what I also love is the fact that just for my own humor I'll find the most ridiculously positive sides of it all.
8) My Height
Tall enough to look down at the freshman, yet small enough to beast you at hide and seek. And what the hey, good things come in little packages!
9) My Boldness
Yes, I do color outside of the lines. What now bitch?
10) My Strength
Not so much physically, but mentally. At least I think I'm pretty strong minded. I've been through quite a lot in my life, especially when I was young. I've had to play many roles in my life to keep everything stable, and once I stumbled a bit. As much as I still want to do it again, I know I can't. That in itself is a big battle for me because I know that if I do (as dramatic as this may sound) everything, and I mean everything would be extremely royally fucked in my life in every aspect possible.
This is why I'm going to add a bonus to this "Love List":
11) My Friends and Family
No matter what has happened you guys (and you know who you are) have been with me through this and thin. Through everything, at least one of you has been there for me. Thick and thin, big and small. Even if you don't feel like you're there for me, even if you're only able to say "I'm sorry" or "I hope it get's better" that's help enough for me, because I know that no matter what you wish there was something more you could do.
I'd be happy to give everything good I have to all of you in exchange for anything bad or evil in your lives. In the end I know all I really live for in life is to see all of you happy.
How's that for fortune cookie sounding Jackie? =p
Rayy I'll have your To-Do list you requested soon too!
ily.
I Love...
1) My Imagination
My mind is never still- which is probably why it used to take me a long time to fall asleep quickly. I was always just just thinking and imagining the most random things, situations and stories in my head. Now I have them under control a little bit...
Sure in hell helps me at school. =p
2) My Sarcasm and Sense of Humor
It seems to always keep that type of comedic spark going in my life and hell, if you're able to laugh at one thing or group of people you should be able to laugh at them all. It also helps on those rough days. I especially love cheering my friends up with it. =)
3) My Music Tastes
There really isn't any type of music that I've found I completely hate yet. It annoys me when others refuse to listen to something because it's too "slow" or it's "country". I love that I have a lot of variety.
4) My Eyes
I love the color. Green with little flexes of brown is what they are and when I wear the right outfit everyone seems to notice them too. =)
5) My Body
At least most of it. Especially when I get time to work out regularly. Abs=love!
6) My Goofiness
I'll do just about anything to get a good laugh out of people. Plus, it's just no fun being serious and practical all the time!
7) My Ability to Stumble Upon Strange Happenings
I've seen and had many weird things happen to me in my life so far. But what I also love is the fact that just for my own humor I'll find the most ridiculously positive sides of it all.
8) My Height
Tall enough to look down at the freshman, yet small enough to beast you at hide and seek. And what the hey, good things come in little packages!
9) My Boldness
Yes, I do color outside of the lines. What now bitch?
10) My Strength
Not so much physically, but mentally. At least I think I'm pretty strong minded. I've been through quite a lot in my life, especially when I was young. I've had to play many roles in my life to keep everything stable, and once I stumbled a bit. As much as I still want to do it again, I know I can't. That in itself is a big battle for me because I know that if I do (as dramatic as this may sound) everything, and I mean everything would be extremely royally fucked in my life in every aspect possible.
This is why I'm going to add a bonus to this "Love List":
11) My Friends and Family
No matter what has happened you guys (and you know who you are) have been with me through this and thin. Through everything, at least one of you has been there for me. Thick and thin, big and small. Even if you don't feel like you're there for me, even if you're only able to say "I'm sorry" or "I hope it get's better" that's help enough for me, because I know that no matter what you wish there was something more you could do.
I'd be happy to give everything good I have to all of you in exchange for anything bad or evil in your lives. In the end I know all I really live for in life is to see all of you happy.
How's that for fortune cookie sounding Jackie? =p
Rayy I'll have your To-Do list you requested soon too!
ily.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
So Today...
Yeah.
It was a bad day.
Very bad morning.
Somewhat good afternoon.
Horrible evening.
Great now.
This morning my Mom told me that JJ had to go to the ER last night because his leg pain was so great and his dumbass doctor won't give him any more pain pills.
But I digress.
I've had a lot of weight on my shoulders for the past few weeks, and I guess I just needed to...let it all out?
As soon as my Mom told me about my brother I started bawling. I cried on the bus, I cried at school, cried some more, cried at golf to the point where I was shaking and nearly cried after golf because I was freaking and saying how much of a "horrible sister" I am and how I "hate myself."
Which wasn't the main reason it was just the last thing that set me off ya know?
But the good thing about today is that I got lot's of hugs and I'm happy now. =)
AND NO GOLF TOMORROW!!!!
*back flips*
And may I say I just love you guys so much?
Hug tackles will be given on sight tomorrow. So watch out. =)
Oh, and this Dane Cook skit reminded me of today (sorry it's not the actualy footage...yt didn't have it...):
ily.
It was a bad day.
Very bad morning.
Somewhat good afternoon.
Horrible evening.
Great now.
This morning my Mom told me that JJ had to go to the ER last night because his leg pain was so great and his dumbass doctor won't give him any more pain pills.
But I digress.
I've had a lot of weight on my shoulders for the past few weeks, and I guess I just needed to...let it all out?
As soon as my Mom told me about my brother I started bawling. I cried on the bus, I cried at school, cried some more, cried at golf to the point where I was shaking and nearly cried after golf because I was freaking and saying how much of a "horrible sister" I am and how I "hate myself."
Which wasn't the main reason it was just the last thing that set me off ya know?
But the good thing about today is that I got lot's of hugs and I'm happy now. =)
AND NO GOLF TOMORROW!!!!
*back flips*
And may I say I just love you guys so much?
Hug tackles will be given on sight tomorrow. So watch out. =)
Oh, and this Dane Cook skit reminded me of today (sorry it's not the actualy footage...yt didn't have it...):
ily.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Blah Bleh Meh
Okay, so in yesterday's post we established it was fucking cold in the school.
Today wasn't too warm either but we'll get to that later.
Sunday night I was up late talking to Cyrus and Rayy and watching online movies. Attempted to watch Across The Universe but it bored me so I moved onto Religulous. Then, all of a sudden, I'm not even halfway through the movie when it stops and alittle thing pops up saying "You have watched 72 minutes of video using our site. To continue to watch, wait another 54 minutes or buy our shit."
Okay...maybe I edited the last part a bit...but it was still the same message...
Had my Physics and Spanish 1 exam's yesterday.
I thought Physics was easy, but I got a C on the exam.
It FELT like I knew the answers.
I'm not gonna say anything about Spanish so I don't jinx it...
While Mom and I were pulling out of the school I suddenly remembered that we were supposed to be giving Peaches a ride home.
In the end we pulled into a driveway and she ran over to us.
Sorry Peaches.
The three of us gals got Wendy's though. =)
Picked up a package and post post office (it had Valentines Day present in it apparently) and then we took Peaches home.
Watched the movie Juno that I borrowed from Rayy. It was okay, kinda sadish.
Went upstairs and talked to Cy online and doodled in a notepad and then on myself.
I was using Sharpie so I had to use toothpaste to get it off of my skin. My hands and wrists smelled miny fresh though!
Around 6:15ish my Mom dropped me off at the High School for Cy's Prom Fair meeting.
I was a half hour early so I had to wait.
Didn't know anybody except the people I recognized walking down the halls that I've lost conneciton with. Like Dave Bina or Mackenze Mitchell.
The older girl with the on and off fake British accent was there too. I dunno her name...I think I used to know it though....
Speant most of my time in the end looking at my feet or petending to be texting someone. While inching towards the door I buumbped into Kelly Dean (Carly and Jaime's mom).
She and I cut into the line and went in. =p
Got yelled at for sitting in someone's reserved seat and gave them a bit of additude saying that I missed the sign and to take a chill, it wasn't the end of the world.
I mean, it's not like I wasn't going to move or anything. All you need to do is ask nicely and not give me mouth, or I'll give it back.
I kinda suck at the whole 'respect your elders' gig, don't I?
The show was good. Had some good laughs. Cyrus looked great in his. =)
One of the guys put a sign that said "Hi Mom!" on the back of his. =p
After that I found Cy in the cafe and sat down to wait as he went off to change. I got bored so I decided to count how many guys walking out of backstage would swing the door open and have it hit the table behind it and go "...whoops..."
There were 5.
For the raffle thing they had Cy won the Apple Bee's gift card thing. He hates Apple Bee's. A definate laugh out loud moment. =)
After that we decided we were hungry and went to Steak And Shake. I only got a small plate of fries and he got a salad and a milkshake.
I shot my straw wrapper at him.....because I'm mature....
=D
When he went to wash his hands because they were stick from the milkshake, I took the bill and hurried over to the chash register to pay for it.
I was like "Okay, we're going to have to speed this process up because he doesn't know I'm paying."
The lady laughed at me and we had a quick conversation about how she does it too and such. =p
Hey, he ALWAYS pays for me, why can't I pay for something just once?
Got home, watched Dad play call of Duty for a bit, then went to bed.
Had major chills this morning, couldn't get warm.
Discovred that my headphones are reaching the end of their life. There at that stage where if you move the wire you'll only be able to hear out of the right ear.
*sigh*
Best pair of headphones I've ever had, they lasted really long.
I wished they came in more colors...like red...
=)
Study hall was fun today, talked with Laura from VV. She's pretty cool, we talked about lots of stuff. =)
Had lunch right after. It wasn't as chaotic as I thought it was gonna be with many lunch changes and such.
Lost Peaches and Devvy Chan but Rayy sits at the table now! =D
Many people complemented me on my shiny shirt today. Thank yous, thank yous.
In Spanish we moved seats. I sit in the first row right in the middle. Exactly where I wanna be.
History class we got assigned seats too...
Bleh.
English we got our packet for our research papers...ugh...
Got home and immedeatly started on my homework (but saved a bit for study hall tomorrow) and then fell asleep.
I didn't wanna talk or deal with anyone (if you haven't noticed my rope was quite short today).
Fell asleep at 3:18 and woke up at 6:49.
Missed dinner, it was pick night anyways so I didn't care.
Dad and JJ came up to check on me a few times.
Woke up to Cyrus calling me, I just picked up Ozwald when he said I had 1 missed call.
I was so close! ><
Ate cereal and then called Cy back.
That's about it.
Sorry for the mood today. Not too happy I guess.
Doug, the UPS guy at my Dad's office has brain cancer and won't make it. He's really sick. Quit his job, and everything.
I didn't know him that well, but I feel like I'm losing a best friend.
I always looked forward to him coming late every afternoon to the warehouse to pick up the boxes we packed.
Blah.
Already ranted to Cy about how life isn't fair (which sucks) and how bad things always happen to good people (which I'm tired of seeing).
I wanna call Doug, but what the fuck am I going to say? "Hey Doug, heard you're dying so I'd thought I'd hurry and say goodbye before ya choke!"
I mean seriously.
I wanna visit him more but that can't happen just I'd just break down crying right in front of him. Which is just as bad as the above phone call.
Meh.
ily.
Today wasn't too warm either but we'll get to that later.
Sunday night I was up late talking to Cyrus and Rayy and watching online movies. Attempted to watch Across The Universe but it bored me so I moved onto Religulous. Then, all of a sudden, I'm not even halfway through the movie when it stops and alittle thing pops up saying "You have watched 72 minutes of video using our site. To continue to watch, wait another 54 minutes or buy our shit."
Okay...maybe I edited the last part a bit...but it was still the same message...
Had my Physics and Spanish 1 exam's yesterday.
I thought Physics was easy, but I got a C on the exam.
It FELT like I knew the answers.
I'm not gonna say anything about Spanish so I don't jinx it...
While Mom and I were pulling out of the school I suddenly remembered that we were supposed to be giving Peaches a ride home.
In the end we pulled into a driveway and she ran over to us.
Sorry Peaches.
The three of us gals got Wendy's though. =)
Picked up a package and post post office (it had Valentines Day present in it apparently) and then we took Peaches home.
Watched the movie Juno that I borrowed from Rayy. It was okay, kinda sadish.
Went upstairs and talked to Cy online and doodled in a notepad and then on myself.
I was using Sharpie so I had to use toothpaste to get it off of my skin. My hands and wrists smelled miny fresh though!
Around 6:15ish my Mom dropped me off at the High School for Cy's Prom Fair meeting.
I was a half hour early so I had to wait.
Didn't know anybody except the people I recognized walking down the halls that I've lost conneciton with. Like Dave Bina or Mackenze Mitchell.
The older girl with the on and off fake British accent was there too. I dunno her name...I think I used to know it though....
Speant most of my time in the end looking at my feet or petending to be texting someone. While inching towards the door I buumbped into Kelly Dean (Carly and Jaime's mom).
She and I cut into the line and went in. =p
Got yelled at for sitting in someone's reserved seat and gave them a bit of additude saying that I missed the sign and to take a chill, it wasn't the end of the world.
I mean, it's not like I wasn't going to move or anything. All you need to do is ask nicely and not give me mouth, or I'll give it back.
I kinda suck at the whole 'respect your elders' gig, don't I?
The show was good. Had some good laughs. Cyrus looked great in his. =)
One of the guys put a sign that said "Hi Mom!" on the back of his. =p
After that I found Cy in the cafe and sat down to wait as he went off to change. I got bored so I decided to count how many guys walking out of backstage would swing the door open and have it hit the table behind it and go "...whoops..."
There were 5.
For the raffle thing they had Cy won the Apple Bee's gift card thing. He hates Apple Bee's. A definate laugh out loud moment. =)
After that we decided we were hungry and went to Steak And Shake. I only got a small plate of fries and he got a salad and a milkshake.
I shot my straw wrapper at him.....because I'm mature....
=D
When he went to wash his hands because they were stick from the milkshake, I took the bill and hurried over to the chash register to pay for it.
I was like "Okay, we're going to have to speed this process up because he doesn't know I'm paying."
The lady laughed at me and we had a quick conversation about how she does it too and such. =p
Hey, he ALWAYS pays for me, why can't I pay for something just once?
Got home, watched Dad play call of Duty for a bit, then went to bed.
Had major chills this morning, couldn't get warm.
Discovred that my headphones are reaching the end of their life. There at that stage where if you move the wire you'll only be able to hear out of the right ear.
*sigh*
Best pair of headphones I've ever had, they lasted really long.
I wished they came in more colors...like red...
=)
Study hall was fun today, talked with Laura from VV. She's pretty cool, we talked about lots of stuff. =)
Had lunch right after. It wasn't as chaotic as I thought it was gonna be with many lunch changes and such.
Lost Peaches and Devvy Chan but Rayy sits at the table now! =D
Many people complemented me on my shiny shirt today. Thank yous, thank yous.
In Spanish we moved seats. I sit in the first row right in the middle. Exactly where I wanna be.
History class we got assigned seats too...
Bleh.
English we got our packet for our research papers...ugh...
Got home and immedeatly started on my homework (but saved a bit for study hall tomorrow) and then fell asleep.
I didn't wanna talk or deal with anyone (if you haven't noticed my rope was quite short today).
Fell asleep at 3:18 and woke up at 6:49.
Missed dinner, it was pick night anyways so I didn't care.
Dad and JJ came up to check on me a few times.
Woke up to Cyrus calling me, I just picked up Ozwald when he said I had 1 missed call.
I was so close! ><
Ate cereal and then called Cy back.
That's about it.
Sorry for the mood today. Not too happy I guess.
Doug, the UPS guy at my Dad's office has brain cancer and won't make it. He's really sick. Quit his job, and everything.
I didn't know him that well, but I feel like I'm losing a best friend.
I always looked forward to him coming late every afternoon to the warehouse to pick up the boxes we packed.
Blah.
Already ranted to Cy about how life isn't fair (which sucks) and how bad things always happen to good people (which I'm tired of seeing).
I wanna call Doug, but what the fuck am I going to say? "Hey Doug, heard you're dying so I'd thought I'd hurry and say goodbye before ya choke!"
I mean seriously.
I wanna visit him more but that can't happen just I'd just break down crying right in front of him. Which is just as bad as the above phone call.
Meh.
ily.
Monday, December 8, 2008
I Really Should Be Asleep
It is now 1:39 on this lovely Sunday night.
I should be asleep but I'm wide awake, many things going through my mind right now.
Ah, I feel a very negatively vibed post coming on, feel free to skip down to the much more happier post about my Sunday under this one blog readers.
There's also a rant that's gonna be in here too...I can feel it...
Attempted to work on the binder for VV, tried to listen to the prowl tours online but it has proven to be impossible to concentrate on. It's so boring to listen to, and each of the prowls are 30-45 minutes long.
I really wish we could have actually gone on the prowl.
=/
Answered most of the other questions in the binder though.
I could write my journal right now, but I dunno what to say. I'm not good with all this industry and businussy stuff. Really all I got is that Cleveland should use the lake front property for things like shops, and hotels and other such things. Many major cities do that, it seems to bring in some business, and might make people want to move there. =/
Blah.
I asked my Dad for some help, asked him why he thought Cleveland went down and why it's taking us so long to get back up to where we were and stuff.
His answer: Taft.
Well shit, that REALLY helped me, thanks Dad.
*rolls eyes*
This week doesn't seem like it will be a very good week. Getting that creeping feeling of overwhelming on my back.
Which, those of you who knew and remember from last year what that could bring back, although I'm trying my hardest not to let it. Found the object to that childishness and will be giving it to my mother I think.
Cyrus was asking me times he could come over and I told him Tuesday and 7 should be okay but then remembered that I workout then and apparently my mom has an appointment for her arm too, which my dad will be going with her to.
><
I'm completely free Wednesday though...
Winter break is coming up, started talking to my dad, telling him how our break is like, 15 days and that I would really like to come back for a few and work in the warehouse of offices.
He said that they were cutting back majorly this month and that he doesn't think I can. =/
Apparently one of our big customers, Chick Master Inc. has gone bankrupt. They had so much sales happening around the world and then they just canceled and everything. Not to mention the top sales rep guy was laid off...
It's like someone just turned the water off or something. My dad's best business for the company so far this year was in October and September and then BAM November hit and everything just stopped.
Damn economy.
What I don't get is that, like, we've seen something like this coming for awhile right? So like, how come we failed at preventing this huge slump from happening?
Blah.
Need to find a way to make money for the holidays and other things.
Thought about shoveling driveways, that would be GREAT for my back huh?
If it were summer I could mow people's lawns...
Was thinking about cleaning my Grammy's and Uncles house's but I dunno...I'd hate to try and scrounge money off of them when they're getting me gifts for the holidays, ya know? =/
Hmmmm...
I'll think of something...
And if any of you suggest robbing a bank JJ's already beat ya to it. =p
Have to stay after school tomorrow to take that essay test...
Got most of the paragraph planned out in my head though, so that's good.
Unless she changes the topic it's on... O.O
It's 2:14 now...
Dammit why can't things like this happen on a Saturday where I DON'T have school the next day.
Meeeeeeeeeeh.
Dad's pestering me about Cyrus has really been getting to my head, but in the sense that if Cyrus asks me out and I say yes he would be in a pissed off mood and hate me or something.
Okay, so he wouldn't hate me, he's my dad, but my dad seems to know how to make my life a living hell (along with everyone else in the house).
Dammit, why do fathers always have to be all big, mean, scary, and negative when it come's to boys?!
And yes, Cyrus is 2 years older than me, which in high school can be a very big difference when it comes to social group, and education and such.
And yes, he'll be going away to college.
But for crying out loud he's making more of a fuss over Cyrus than Zak who's only ambition in life was to lay me and leave.
Ah, the irony in this situation. I sometimes laugh at it.
Debating on whether or not I should just give up sleeping and caffeine my way through the day...
Why do I have this suddenly feeling I have a physics test tomorrow...
Oh boy.
Still haven't found my Spanish book...I should check the lost and found.
Now that I'm done with my rambling and rants lets find the brighter side of all of this...
I can get my mother to help me with my Valley Voyages things tomorrow...
There is still a chance I can work for SWACO during winter break...
As for the economy...well, I dunno, everything gets worse before it gets better.
And I guess it's good that my dad cares, and that all of this is his way of trying to protect me as a father.
I could try and cram 3 hours of sleep in...
Maybe...
Meh.
I guess there aren't only negative things going on in my mind right now. There's friends, a certain someone, snowflakes, and logs on the fire.
*sigh*
Just watch, this will all blow over tomorrow.
Felt good to get it off of my chest though.
I just can't seem to end a post negative now can I?
=p
ily
I should be asleep but I'm wide awake, many things going through my mind right now.
Ah, I feel a very negatively vibed post coming on, feel free to skip down to the much more happier post about my Sunday under this one blog readers.
There's also a rant that's gonna be in here too...I can feel it...
Attempted to work on the binder for VV, tried to listen to the prowl tours online but it has proven to be impossible to concentrate on. It's so boring to listen to, and each of the prowls are 30-45 minutes long.
I really wish we could have actually gone on the prowl.
=/
Answered most of the other questions in the binder though.
I could write my journal right now, but I dunno what to say. I'm not good with all this industry and businussy stuff. Really all I got is that Cleveland should use the lake front property for things like shops, and hotels and other such things. Many major cities do that, it seems to bring in some business, and might make people want to move there. =/
Blah.
I asked my Dad for some help, asked him why he thought Cleveland went down and why it's taking us so long to get back up to where we were and stuff.
His answer: Taft.
Well shit, that REALLY helped me, thanks Dad.
*rolls eyes*
This week doesn't seem like it will be a very good week. Getting that creeping feeling of overwhelming on my back.
Which, those of you who knew and remember from last year what that could bring back, although I'm trying my hardest not to let it. Found the object to that childishness and will be giving it to my mother I think.
Cyrus was asking me times he could come over and I told him Tuesday and 7 should be okay but then remembered that I workout then and apparently my mom has an appointment for her arm too, which my dad will be going with her to.
><
I'm completely free Wednesday though...
Winter break is coming up, started talking to my dad, telling him how our break is like, 15 days and that I would really like to come back for a few and work in the warehouse of offices.
He said that they were cutting back majorly this month and that he doesn't think I can. =/
Apparently one of our big customers, Chick Master Inc. has gone bankrupt. They had so much sales happening around the world and then they just canceled and everything. Not to mention the top sales rep guy was laid off...
It's like someone just turned the water off or something. My dad's best business for the company so far this year was in October and September and then BAM November hit and everything just stopped.
Damn economy.
What I don't get is that, like, we've seen something like this coming for awhile right? So like, how come we failed at preventing this huge slump from happening?
Blah.
Need to find a way to make money for the holidays and other things.
Thought about shoveling driveways, that would be GREAT for my back huh?
If it were summer I could mow people's lawns...
Was thinking about cleaning my Grammy's and Uncles house's but I dunno...I'd hate to try and scrounge money off of them when they're getting me gifts for the holidays, ya know? =/
Hmmmm...
I'll think of something...
And if any of you suggest robbing a bank JJ's already beat ya to it. =p
Have to stay after school tomorrow to take that essay test...
Got most of the paragraph planned out in my head though, so that's good.
Unless she changes the topic it's on... O.O
It's 2:14 now...
Dammit why can't things like this happen on a Saturday where I DON'T have school the next day.
Meeeeeeeeeeh.
Dad's pestering me about Cyrus has really been getting to my head, but in the sense that if Cyrus asks me out and I say yes he would be in a pissed off mood and hate me or something.
Okay, so he wouldn't hate me, he's my dad, but my dad seems to know how to make my life a living hell (along with everyone else in the house).
Dammit, why do fathers always have to be all big, mean, scary, and negative when it come's to boys?!
And yes, Cyrus is 2 years older than me, which in high school can be a very big difference when it comes to social group, and education and such.
And yes, he'll be going away to college.
But for crying out loud he's making more of a fuss over Cyrus than Zak who's only ambition in life was to lay me and leave.
Ah, the irony in this situation. I sometimes laugh at it.
Debating on whether or not I should just give up sleeping and caffeine my way through the day...
Why do I have this suddenly feeling I have a physics test tomorrow...
Oh boy.
Still haven't found my Spanish book...I should check the lost and found.
Now that I'm done with my rambling and rants lets find the brighter side of all of this...
I can get my mother to help me with my Valley Voyages things tomorrow...
There is still a chance I can work for SWACO during winter break...
As for the economy...well, I dunno, everything gets worse before it gets better.
And I guess it's good that my dad cares, and that all of this is his way of trying to protect me as a father.
I could try and cram 3 hours of sleep in...
Maybe...
Meh.
I guess there aren't only negative things going on in my mind right now. There's friends, a certain someone, snowflakes, and logs on the fire.
*sigh*
Just watch, this will all blow over tomorrow.
Felt good to get it off of my chest though.
I just can't seem to end a post negative now can I?
=p
ily
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Mornings Suck But Afternoons Make Smiles
Mom was really sick last night so I didn't go to sleep at all. I'm always afraid if I do, one day I'll wake up in the morning and all of a sudden she won't be there, ya know?
Started my history journal around 2 in the morning. Read bits of Twilight, listens to Melvin, played around with Hamilton. I think I spent most of my time hypnotized by the snow falling outside. It's so pretty. =)
When it was 5:30 I got up and got ready.
Which, leads me to this question:
Have any of you guys ever woken up one day and just suddenly wanted to do something illegal?
I'm serious.
As soon as I got out of bed this morning it was like BAM I wanna steal one of my teachers cars.
I'd return it...
I just like, wanted to sneak out of the school with the keys an just kinda drive around for while and return the car back before lunch...
Which one of my teachers cars was I gonna take?
Well, I finally decided on Mr. Johansson's. I had a whole plan figured out to by the time my morning bus ride was half way over.
Seriously.
Why Mr. Johansson's car?
Pisssh, I dunno, he's just that special. =D
This morning I was very crabby. And in PE it got even worse. I made Julia laugh really hard though.
She was making fun of me for getting into an argument with the team I was playing and sarcastically said that I 'hurt their feelings' and I was so made I growled, 'Feelings? I was gonna hurt their FACE!'
o.o
I'm violent and you love me.
History class cheered me up today. Really there was no special reason, I just always does. =)
Art class Cyrus told me that he was really sorry but he parents told him last night that on Saturday he had to do something with his grandparents and we'd have to go see the movie Sunday.
Which is actually alright since now if you guys plan something I definitely will be there!
=D
CVCC thing was...boring...but I might get into the Media course.
Todd, my cousin that's a director in FL, said that if I wanted to become a script writer it would be really good if I learned how the equipment works. Plus, I like making little videos so it all works out!
Got home and finished my history journal. Most of it is all about how Germany took over Europe and then the world. I'm not exactly one to make up good battle plans but it was fun. =)
Fell asleep at my computer as soon as I was finished and then left to go to the ceremony at the High school for the fall sports. My Uncle Scott and Grammy came.
I toured the school with them. Scott was all excited and telling me how there used to be a smoking lounge and about his senior prank that got the school all this money and stuff.
Has anybody ever heard of Operation Millie?!
Epicness, I'm related to the mastermind.
Got my letter, and then Ross, my golf teacher came too, so it was really nice seeing him.
My mom and dad came too. I was really appreciative that my mom came, even though she was sick all night and had to go the the ER today she sill wanted to see me come up on the stage and get that letter.
I love her so much, I know I could have never done that.
I'm hungry...
To the kitchen!!
ily.
Started my history journal around 2 in the morning. Read bits of Twilight, listens to Melvin, played around with Hamilton. I think I spent most of my time hypnotized by the snow falling outside. It's so pretty. =)
When it was 5:30 I got up and got ready.
Which, leads me to this question:
Have any of you guys ever woken up one day and just suddenly wanted to do something illegal?
I'm serious.
As soon as I got out of bed this morning it was like BAM I wanna steal one of my teachers cars.
I'd return it...
I just like, wanted to sneak out of the school with the keys an just kinda drive around for while and return the car back before lunch...
Which one of my teachers cars was I gonna take?
Well, I finally decided on Mr. Johansson's. I had a whole plan figured out to by the time my morning bus ride was half way over.
Seriously.
Why Mr. Johansson's car?
Pisssh, I dunno, he's just that special. =D
This morning I was very crabby. And in PE it got even worse. I made Julia laugh really hard though.
She was making fun of me for getting into an argument with the team I was playing and sarcastically said that I 'hurt their feelings' and I was so made I growled, 'Feelings? I was gonna hurt their FACE!'
o.o
I'm violent and you love me.
History class cheered me up today. Really there was no special reason, I just always does. =)
Art class Cyrus told me that he was really sorry but he parents told him last night that on Saturday he had to do something with his grandparents and we'd have to go see the movie Sunday.
Which is actually alright since now if you guys plan something I definitely will be there!
=D
CVCC thing was...boring...but I might get into the Media course.
Todd, my cousin that's a director in FL, said that if I wanted to become a script writer it would be really good if I learned how the equipment works. Plus, I like making little videos so it all works out!
Got home and finished my history journal. Most of it is all about how Germany took over Europe and then the world. I'm not exactly one to make up good battle plans but it was fun. =)
Fell asleep at my computer as soon as I was finished and then left to go to the ceremony at the High school for the fall sports. My Uncle Scott and Grammy came.
I toured the school with them. Scott was all excited and telling me how there used to be a smoking lounge and about his senior prank that got the school all this money and stuff.
Has anybody ever heard of Operation Millie?!
Epicness, I'm related to the mastermind.
Got my letter, and then Ross, my golf teacher came too, so it was really nice seeing him.
My mom and dad came too. I was really appreciative that my mom came, even though she was sick all night and had to go the the ER today she sill wanted to see me come up on the stage and get that letter.
I love her so much, I know I could have never done that.
I'm hungry...
To the kitchen!!
ily.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A little poem for you...
Didn't have enough money for a snow cone
So I took a little walk in the park
Then I found my very own free snow cone
I call it Lemon Tart.
Heh...I made that up last year.
Cute huh? =p
Mrs. Sherry drove us to school in the morning to make sure we got there safe and on time, but had to take off the rest of the day because she's sick. She say's no matter what she's going to be back tomorrow, sick or not.
I'm gonna make her a get well card. =)
Physics we're reviewing a little on the atom. Ya know, the whole protons, neutrons, and electrons gig?
Heh...it reminded me of the time my dad told my brother an atom was made up of protons, neutrons, and croutons....
PE Julia and I didn't really have any games so I decided to be on Cynthia's team for while. Then Julia joined in with us so I decided to go to the dark side and even up battle field.
It was like Badminton WW3 I swear.
History class was fun!
Everyone had to decode the Zimmerman message, which was the one that my mom and I cracked....last week I think...?
Well anyways, since I had already cracked it, me and my little band of minions (Caramel and Sam =p) got tickets for the raffle (THANK YOU MR. JOHANSSON!).
Since we had already decoded it Mr. Johansson gave us a new challenge, MAKE our own coded message.
We couldn't do it but it was sure in hell fun trying to come up with a message.
Mr. J said to make in uncrackable so in the end we were gonna just write a bunch of letters down and a messed up key.
It sure in hell would have been uncrackable then. =p
Art Cyrus asked me if I wanted to go with him and see Quantum of a Solace on Saturday. I said yes, and we're gonna be going in the afternoon so if any of you guys are planning anything and want little old me there plan it in the evening?
And if you plan it without me there, save me some crack ballz!
(For the adults and other readers to this blog, no it's not real crack, they're just balls of white chocolate and stuff, jeez...=p)
English class Mrs. Newcomer was selling heaven, and when I say heaven, I mean chocolate bars.
I bought one for me and one for my mom. =)
Forgot my jacket in my locker today...whoops, but, it didn't feel all that cold outside. I would I liked my jacket, but I could deal a half hour without it.
On the way home was thinking for music for the promo video for Valley Voyages. Mom gave me a great idea for a little something in it too.
So, it's Valley Voyages, and in the vid, while I'm changing clips from like, the bike trip to the Akron trip, I'll make a little map thing and have little dotted lines move in a path to the next place on a map of Ohio like a VOYAGE!
Like they did in Indiana Jones. =p
I dunno I like it, hope I'm able to do it.
Music is kinda iffy, thinking of making the vid short, get the basic point out about how it's a great way for kids to learn, better themselves, become leaders, and also inspire others around them to learn.
Also how it's fun and freaking rocks.
=D
There are some song's by Muse that I like, but the lyrics don't exactly match the topic...thing is, does that completely matter?
Hmmm...
I'm open for music suggestions. =)
I need to finish that history journal...or should I say start it.
Gotta scrounge up 20 bucks, 10 for coach's gift, and 10 for his daughter's gift that we're all pitching in to buy.
Meh...that's a lot of money...
As soon as I got home mom and I had to go to Sam's Club. Tee hee...they had a big box of pillow there so I ran and jumped into them!
=D
I'm not 15, I'm more like 5. =p
My mom was all excited when this old man thought her and I were sisters. =)
JJ was sick again today, so we picked up McDonalds to brighten up his day.
Once I got home I tried to figure out how to do the text on my video maker, before going to the site where I downloaded it and discovered they had a newer, better, easier version out!
Now I got it pretty much figured out, and there are so many cool transitions and texts and effects!!!
Friday Devvy Chan is riding my bus home and we're going to go see Twilight!
We ordered the tickets today!!
So excited.
Mom is sick right now...dammit I hate the weather.
She's gonna be bad tomorrow night too I know it, the temperature is gonna drop 10 degrease once it turns dark, and that's more than enough to set off another migraine.
And now I'm growling at my window.
Devvy chan I think you're wearing off of me a bit, with the whole growing thing. =p
Well, gotta finish math homework and make a card, nighty night guys!
ily.
So I took a little walk in the park
Then I found my very own free snow cone
I call it Lemon Tart.
Heh...I made that up last year.
Cute huh? =p
Mrs. Sherry drove us to school in the morning to make sure we got there safe and on time, but had to take off the rest of the day because she's sick. She say's no matter what she's going to be back tomorrow, sick or not.
I'm gonna make her a get well card. =)
Physics we're reviewing a little on the atom. Ya know, the whole protons, neutrons, and electrons gig?
Heh...it reminded me of the time my dad told my brother an atom was made up of protons, neutrons, and croutons....
PE Julia and I didn't really have any games so I decided to be on Cynthia's team for while. Then Julia joined in with us so I decided to go to the dark side and even up battle field.
It was like Badminton WW3 I swear.
History class was fun!
Everyone had to decode the Zimmerman message, which was the one that my mom and I cracked....last week I think...?
Well anyways, since I had already cracked it, me and my little band of minions (Caramel and Sam =p) got tickets for the raffle (THANK YOU MR. JOHANSSON!).
Since we had already decoded it Mr. Johansson gave us a new challenge, MAKE our own coded message.
We couldn't do it but it was sure in hell fun trying to come up with a message.
Mr. J said to make in uncrackable so in the end we were gonna just write a bunch of letters down and a messed up key.
It sure in hell would have been uncrackable then. =p
Art Cyrus asked me if I wanted to go with him and see Quantum of a Solace on Saturday. I said yes, and we're gonna be going in the afternoon so if any of you guys are planning anything and want little old me there plan it in the evening?
And if you plan it without me there, save me some crack ballz!
(For the adults and other readers to this blog, no it's not real crack, they're just balls of white chocolate and stuff, jeez...=p)
English class Mrs. Newcomer was selling heaven, and when I say heaven, I mean chocolate bars.
I bought one for me and one for my mom. =)
Forgot my jacket in my locker today...whoops, but, it didn't feel all that cold outside. I would I liked my jacket, but I could deal a half hour without it.
On the way home was thinking for music for the promo video for Valley Voyages. Mom gave me a great idea for a little something in it too.
So, it's Valley Voyages, and in the vid, while I'm changing clips from like, the bike trip to the Akron trip, I'll make a little map thing and have little dotted lines move in a path to the next place on a map of Ohio like a VOYAGE!
Like they did in Indiana Jones. =p
I dunno I like it, hope I'm able to do it.
Music is kinda iffy, thinking of making the vid short, get the basic point out about how it's a great way for kids to learn, better themselves, become leaders, and also inspire others around them to learn.
Also how it's fun and freaking rocks.
=D
There are some song's by Muse that I like, but the lyrics don't exactly match the topic...thing is, does that completely matter?
Hmmm...
I'm open for music suggestions. =)
I need to finish that history journal...or should I say start it.
Gotta scrounge up 20 bucks, 10 for coach's gift, and 10 for his daughter's gift that we're all pitching in to buy.
Meh...that's a lot of money...
As soon as I got home mom and I had to go to Sam's Club. Tee hee...they had a big box of pillow there so I ran and jumped into them!
=D
I'm not 15, I'm more like 5. =p
My mom was all excited when this old man thought her and I were sisters. =)
JJ was sick again today, so we picked up McDonalds to brighten up his day.
Once I got home I tried to figure out how to do the text on my video maker, before going to the site where I downloaded it and discovered they had a newer, better, easier version out!
Now I got it pretty much figured out, and there are so many cool transitions and texts and effects!!!
Friday Devvy Chan is riding my bus home and we're going to go see Twilight!
We ordered the tickets today!!
So excited.
Mom is sick right now...dammit I hate the weather.
She's gonna be bad tomorrow night too I know it, the temperature is gonna drop 10 degrease once it turns dark, and that's more than enough to set off another migraine.
And now I'm growling at my window.
Devvy chan I think you're wearing off of me a bit, with the whole growing thing. =p
Well, gotta finish math homework and make a card, nighty night guys!
ily.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
IZ SNOWING!
I took Hamilton outside this morning to see the snow and he tried to catch all the snowflakes. Silly little kitty. =p
Didn't do much today. Slept in until 12 because there wasn't anything to do.
Felt like being real juvenile after taking my history test.
With my dad.
As he watched as I got some of the answers from the online book.
And helped me look for them.
And then as we checked my score.
To see I failed it.
*head desk*
Why. Can't. I. Take. Tests. This. Year.
I mean fuck I could do well on tests (except in math) and not do most my homework until this year.
Now where the tests will bring me down like, 2 letter grades, even if I DID do the homework, I can't take.
I haven't gotten a single A on a test yet.
And I think I do so well on them and then BAM congrats, here's an F, piping hot and ready for your let down!
*sigh*
I'm still feeling juvenile...can ya tell?
Yeah...
BIG MOMENT!
We watched a movie as a family today.
We haven't done that in AGES!
We watched Indiana Jones, it was kinda lame, but I'd recommend it to people.
Studied for my English test tomorrow (HA!) and then read some of Grapes Of Wrath. It's actually a pretty good book. I understand it at least. =)
Speaking of books, started writing mine as well. Didn't get very far, only have a page but hey, it's progress right?
Dammit I bit all my finger nails off today.
Old habits die hard...
Rayy you forgot your shirt and pants at my house so I'll be bringing them to school in the morning. =)
Meh.
You ever just want to get in bed and sleep off all of your problems forever?
Yeeeeeah.
But life must go on!
So I should stop ranting about my tests and starting thinking about the music and format for my VV movie. =D
It's 11 right now...but I'm not that tired...
School...
Everyone better wear their PJ's inside out.
=p
ily.
Didn't do much today. Slept in until 12 because there wasn't anything to do.
Felt like being real juvenile after taking my history test.
With my dad.
As he watched as I got some of the answers from the online book.
And helped me look for them.
And then as we checked my score.
To see I failed it.
*head desk*
Why. Can't. I. Take. Tests. This. Year.
I mean fuck I could do well on tests (except in math) and not do most my homework until this year.
Now where the tests will bring me down like, 2 letter grades, even if I DID do the homework, I can't take.
I haven't gotten a single A on a test yet.
And I think I do so well on them and then BAM congrats, here's an F, piping hot and ready for your let down!
*sigh*
I'm still feeling juvenile...can ya tell?
Yeah...
BIG MOMENT!
We watched a movie as a family today.
We haven't done that in AGES!
We watched Indiana Jones, it was kinda lame, but I'd recommend it to people.
Studied for my English test tomorrow (HA!) and then read some of Grapes Of Wrath. It's actually a pretty good book. I understand it at least. =)
Speaking of books, started writing mine as well. Didn't get very far, only have a page but hey, it's progress right?
Dammit I bit all my finger nails off today.
Old habits die hard...
Rayy you forgot your shirt and pants at my house so I'll be bringing them to school in the morning. =)
Meh.
You ever just want to get in bed and sleep off all of your problems forever?
Yeeeeeah.
But life must go on!
So I should stop ranting about my tests and starting thinking about the music and format for my VV movie. =D
It's 11 right now...but I'm not that tired...
School...
Everyone better wear their PJ's inside out.
=p
ily.
Par-tays and the Bar
Slept in until 11:30 today...then again I did stay up late talking with Cyrus until all hours of the night.
=p
Watched some anime too, Hellsing. I finally figured out if this one character was a man or a woman, turns out its a woman. Only took me 8 episodes.
It got soooo dark today....for a second I thought I had fallen asleep at my laptop or something and didn't realize it.
At first it thunder stormed and I really wanted to go outside and run around in the rain...but my dad said no I'd get sick...
Soon though it just turned into rain and it rained ALL DAY.
I like rain...but not that much.
Rayy came over and we fooled around on my wireless Internet before getting dressed, getting lost, and then finally finding the place.
At first Rayy and I were kinda outsiders because most of the people were from Orange. Then Kelly and Lexy came and Gina and Megan from the golf team so it was okay.
Towards the end, after we opened presents and such, Rayy, myself and these three other people from Orange played this game called...
................
It began with an O....
Damn my random short term memory loss!
There were 2 girls and 1 guy that we played the game with. One of the girls name was Jess, Rayy and I didn't remember the other one's name though.
Then there was the guy, Evan.
I swear it was like, a man version of me.
He gave really good hugs!
=D
All three of us decided that we should keep in contact in some way. Evan said he had a facebook but I don't have one and really don't want one... =/
I do have his number, but he said it was an out of state area code.
I really need to get unlimited texting for my celly...
After all 5 of us got done playing the game Rayy took the beaded necklaces laying around and made a jump rope out of it and we jump roped!
It was epic.
I think that was the best thing that happened all night. =p
Came home an hour early and then had Rayy's mom pick her up because my mom was getting sick.
Then I hung out with my dad at the bar in the basement like I normally do most weekends.
We talked about high school, drugs, drinking, friends, and other such things. Then he started playing an oldies channel on the TV HD Radio and laughed because I knew more songs that were playing than he did. =p
Now I'm here, kinda tired, might listen to Melvin for while before going to sleep.
Heh...I'm still in my dress...
Wonder what it will be like tomorrow...I know I'm working out but...that's it...
Sometimes I hate the weekends...there's nothing to blog about...
*sigh*
Maybe on a day there's nothing to post about I'll write a funny story. =p
ily.
=p
Watched some anime too, Hellsing. I finally figured out if this one character was a man or a woman, turns out its a woman. Only took me 8 episodes.
It got soooo dark today....for a second I thought I had fallen asleep at my laptop or something and didn't realize it.
At first it thunder stormed and I really wanted to go outside and run around in the rain...but my dad said no I'd get sick...
Soon though it just turned into rain and it rained ALL DAY.
I like rain...but not that much.
Rayy came over and we fooled around on my wireless Internet before getting dressed, getting lost, and then finally finding the place.
At first Rayy and I were kinda outsiders because most of the people were from Orange. Then Kelly and Lexy came and Gina and Megan from the golf team so it was okay.
Towards the end, after we opened presents and such, Rayy, myself and these three other people from Orange played this game called...
................
It began with an O....
Damn my random short term memory loss!
There were 2 girls and 1 guy that we played the game with. One of the girls name was Jess, Rayy and I didn't remember the other one's name though.
Then there was the guy, Evan.
I swear it was like, a man version of me.
He gave really good hugs!
=D
All three of us decided that we should keep in contact in some way. Evan said he had a facebook but I don't have one and really don't want one... =/
I do have his number, but he said it was an out of state area code.
I really need to get unlimited texting for my celly...
After all 5 of us got done playing the game Rayy took the beaded necklaces laying around and made a jump rope out of it and we jump roped!
It was epic.
I think that was the best thing that happened all night. =p
Came home an hour early and then had Rayy's mom pick her up because my mom was getting sick.
Then I hung out with my dad at the bar in the basement like I normally do most weekends.
We talked about high school, drugs, drinking, friends, and other such things. Then he started playing an oldies channel on the TV HD Radio and laughed because I knew more songs that were playing than he did. =p
Now I'm here, kinda tired, might listen to Melvin for while before going to sleep.
Heh...I'm still in my dress...
Wonder what it will be like tomorrow...I know I'm working out but...that's it...
Sometimes I hate the weekends...there's nothing to blog about...
*sigh*
Maybe on a day there's nothing to post about I'll write a funny story. =p
ily.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Ashlet Luffs You Too!
So I logged onto the computer today and checked my e-mails and there were all these comments made on my blog.
So I was like:
HOLY CRAP I'M SO LOVED!!! EEEP!! O.O
My mom, who was walking past the computer room, stopped and looked at me funny. =p
Just realized I didn't do anything for my Valley Voyages stuff today....I'll work on it Thursday...
I read the stuff for English though so that's a first!
I don't feel like doing homework at all this week...just sleeping...
Meh.
Assembly today for the Veterans. I wanted to slap the people who were just standing around during National Anthem and giving everyone this sleepy look.
As you can see, I think it's a big deal to put your hand over your heart and stand when hearing something like the pledge or the National Anthem. When we watch football games or baseball games at our house and they're doing the Anthem there we stand and put our hands over our hearts.
Seriously.
Physics Mr. O'Brian used a blow tourch! Andy said I couldn't touch it... =(
I packed cheesey crackers for a morning snack today. I put in a little more so that when I was full I could give the rest to Caramel during 2nd period. I didn't think that he wouldn't be there cuz he was in band. >< href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjan1QOjpUJjn6zy4vc1bygoiior-Y45nw2oqcXZlkNoCe1ODM2H5X_O5ID86mibvzJrBI9eOdgCSt_VCh_SFue1h6FkSXsDDGJwRMgJn9Mjl20OlZb9pEKGo6-q2hLEspttwlABw2sofY/s1600-h/Henery+The+Monkey+001.jpg">
Dad and Henry.
Henry sittin in my computer chair.
I think he's gonna stay there and be my computer buddy for now on.
=D
Hmmm....oh yeah!
I think I'm gonna steal Rayy's chat thinggy....
Sorry Rayy....
It'll be toward the sidebar somewhere, dunno where. But it bascially is like AIM, and if you're on the blog and I'm online we can chat!
Awesome, no?
=)
ily.
So I was like:
HOLY CRAP I'M SO LOVED!!! EEEP!! O.O
My mom, who was walking past the computer room, stopped and looked at me funny. =p
Just realized I didn't do anything for my Valley Voyages stuff today....I'll work on it Thursday...
I read the stuff for English though so that's a first!
I don't feel like doing homework at all this week...just sleeping...
Meh.
Assembly today for the Veterans. I wanted to slap the people who were just standing around during National Anthem and giving everyone this sleepy look.
As you can see, I think it's a big deal to put your hand over your heart and stand when hearing something like the pledge or the National Anthem. When we watch football games or baseball games at our house and they're doing the Anthem there we stand and put our hands over our hearts.
Seriously.
Physics Mr. O'Brian used a blow tourch! Andy said I couldn't touch it... =(
I packed cheesey crackers for a morning snack today. I put in a little more so that when I was full I could give the rest to Caramel during 2nd period. I didn't think that he wouldn't be there cuz he was in band. >< href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjan1QOjpUJjn6zy4vc1bygoiior-Y45nw2oqcXZlkNoCe1ODM2H5X_O5ID86mibvzJrBI9eOdgCSt_VCh_SFue1h6FkSXsDDGJwRMgJn9Mjl20OlZb9pEKGo6-q2hLEspttwlABw2sofY/s1600-h/Henery+The+Monkey+001.jpg">
Dad and Henry.
Henry sittin in my computer chair.
I think he's gonna stay there and be my computer buddy for now on.
=D
Hmmm....oh yeah!
I think I'm gonna steal Rayy's chat thinggy....
Sorry Rayy....
It'll be toward the sidebar somewhere, dunno where. But it bascially is like AIM, and if you're on the blog and I'm online we can chat!
Awesome, no?
=)
ily.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Intresrting morning, loud afternoon
So I had another blonde moment this morning. I turned on the news and they were showing all these people packed in a church balling their eyes out, and the minister said "May he rest in peace."
Well then they flip back to the news anchor lady and she said "Obama-" and as soon as I heard that I went "OMG MOOOM WHAT HAPPENED TO OBAMA?!" and had a heart attack until the lady finished her sentence "Obama will be in the White House...yadda...yadda yadda...."
So I was basically like "Oooooooooh....never mind!" =)
I wore my hobo gloves to school today, many people liked them.
Mr. O'brian told people that they he didn't like it when you sat down and slept on your desk or did whatever while they were saying the pledge on the announcements in the morning.
I won't name names....
Anyways, he told them that you should at least show respect for the country that you're so lucky to live in and at least stand up, you don't need to pledge to anything, which is what I tell the asses that sit in their seats all the time.
Then one kid was all "well what if I don't want to say 'under god' I don't believe in hiiiim naaaaaaaah."
I'm not gonna like I really wanted to belt him then and there. But I didn't.
Self control, remember?
Heh...JJ says I need anger management. =p
Anyways, for one, was he not listening when Mr. O'brian said that they didn't have to say the pledge, just stand up?? Jeezums.
Well, thank goodness for Robin Williams who made up a new pledge for them. It goes like this:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One Nation
Under Canada
Above Mexico
With liberty and justice for all
=D
But of course, then you'll get people complaining about the Mexicans.
=p
Also, today in physics Mr. O'brian explained how he was going to re-play the video that we watched Friday because we were going to have a quiz on it today and he didn't think we would remember the stuff from the video- or was even paying attention.
Well, halfway into the video some of the dumb-dumbs in the class got this really puzzled look on their face and started whispering to each other "D...didn't we see this before? Like...yesterday- I mean last week? Yeah, I remember this part...why are we watching this again...?"
I know, wow.
Isn't it great that they'll be helping to run the country one day?!
Now, part 2 of my interesting morning.
In 3rd period I was piratically molested.
Yep.
Ya know Anthony Tiptin? Well I was sitting on the bleachers talking to Julia and he started poking me in the side (strangely how Zak used to...and he's his friend...*cough*) and I told him to stop since as you all know, I'm rather ticklish.
Well I guess he thought that since he couldn't poke me he'd try to reach down my shirt, and then pants, and THEN drag me onto his lap.
Kinda like what Zak would try to do....*cough**cough*
If I didn't want to get suspended for 'fighting' I would have showed his nose up his brains, and if that failed, at least cause him to lose a few teeth.
Its not like it hurts that bad...remember in 4th grade when Johnathon Secular (guessing on the spelling of his last name there) punched me in the face because I said no when he asked me out and I lost 3 teeth?!
He got anger management and I got money from the tooth fairy. =p
Spanish class was okay, need to study for the speaking test though.
History took notes, and then talked to Mr. Johansson about how were were going to convert all the video files onto my laptop.
My mom says I can stay after school though. =)
It'd be like a party! =o
=p
Art Cyrus and I went on an adventure around the school. We just left class early, everyone had cleaned up anyways.
English failed yet another reading test.
I read Moby Dick today though, so no worries on the next one.
Got home, and took a nap until dinner.
I was planning on working out but it wouldn't fit into the weekly schedule (since I work out every other day 3 times a week) and I was so tired.
Dinner I told my mom and dad about my blonde moment and they started getting into a political debate and screaming.
They still are screaming.
Which pisses me off because I was rushing through my homework so I could escape upstairs and I completely fucked up on my math homework and history map.
The math homework I fixed, I'll have to get another map and re-color it during history tomorrow. I answered all the questions at least.
Wireless Internet Wednesday...just 2 more days...then I can be in my nice comfy bed upstairs where it's quote and I can actually study...
There's always a bring side right?
Heh...JJ's one friend gave him his PSP because he got an XBOX 360 and his one friend also has Grand Theft Auto for the PSP.
While I was sitting with JJ in the lazy boy chair (yes we both amazingly still fit in it) he had the volume full blast and was trying to beat up a druggie and the druggie guy was swearing. My mom was waling by and she said "I don't' appreciate that language...." and I yelled "JJ TALK TO THE HOOKER!" and then my mom was like "MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T RIP YOU OFF!"
So swearing is bad but hookers are okay.
I love my mom. =)
I need to get working on my Valley Voyages tomorrow...and find out something about Iraq or whatnot. I'll have to re-read the post of the VV blog again...although the same one is on Mr. Johansson's blog....Ah, the power of copy and paste.
I read my history book and started the extra credit stuff today at least!
I hope I didn't need to put the answers on a separate sheet of paper....
I guess I'll find out tomorrow. =p
I wonder what's gonna happen tomorrow in PE...
ily.
Well then they flip back to the news anchor lady and she said "Obama-" and as soon as I heard that I went "OMG MOOOM WHAT HAPPENED TO OBAMA?!" and had a heart attack until the lady finished her sentence "Obama will be in the White House...yadda...yadda yadda...."
So I was basically like "Oooooooooh....never mind!" =)
I wore my hobo gloves to school today, many people liked them.
Mr. O'brian told people that they he didn't like it when you sat down and slept on your desk or did whatever while they were saying the pledge on the announcements in the morning.
I won't name names....
Anyways, he told them that you should at least show respect for the country that you're so lucky to live in and at least stand up, you don't need to pledge to anything, which is what I tell the asses that sit in their seats all the time.
Then one kid was all "well what if I don't want to say 'under god' I don't believe in hiiiim naaaaaaaah."
I'm not gonna like I really wanted to belt him then and there. But I didn't.
Self control, remember?
Heh...JJ says I need anger management. =p
Anyways, for one, was he not listening when Mr. O'brian said that they didn't have to say the pledge, just stand up?? Jeezums.
Well, thank goodness for Robin Williams who made up a new pledge for them. It goes like this:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States Of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One Nation
Under Canada
Above Mexico
With liberty and justice for all
=D
But of course, then you'll get people complaining about the Mexicans.
=p
Also, today in physics Mr. O'brian explained how he was going to re-play the video that we watched Friday because we were going to have a quiz on it today and he didn't think we would remember the stuff from the video- or was even paying attention.
Well, halfway into the video some of the dumb-dumbs in the class got this really puzzled look on their face and started whispering to each other "D...didn't we see this before? Like...yesterday- I mean last week? Yeah, I remember this part...why are we watching this again...?"
I know, wow.
Isn't it great that they'll be helping to run the country one day?!
Now, part 2 of my interesting morning.
In 3rd period I was piratically molested.
Yep.
Ya know Anthony Tiptin? Well I was sitting on the bleachers talking to Julia and he started poking me in the side (strangely how Zak used to...and he's his friend...*cough*) and I told him to stop since as you all know, I'm rather ticklish.
Well I guess he thought that since he couldn't poke me he'd try to reach down my shirt, and then pants, and THEN drag me onto his lap.
Kinda like what Zak would try to do....*cough**cough*
If I didn't want to get suspended for 'fighting' I would have showed his nose up his brains, and if that failed, at least cause him to lose a few teeth.
Its not like it hurts that bad...remember in 4th grade when Johnathon Secular (guessing on the spelling of his last name there) punched me in the face because I said no when he asked me out and I lost 3 teeth?!
He got anger management and I got money from the tooth fairy. =p
Spanish class was okay, need to study for the speaking test though.
History took notes, and then talked to Mr. Johansson about how were were going to convert all the video files onto my laptop.
My mom says I can stay after school though. =)
It'd be like a party! =o
=p
Art Cyrus and I went on an adventure around the school. We just left class early, everyone had cleaned up anyways.
English failed yet another reading test.
I read Moby Dick today though, so no worries on the next one.
Got home, and took a nap until dinner.
I was planning on working out but it wouldn't fit into the weekly schedule (since I work out every other day 3 times a week) and I was so tired.
Dinner I told my mom and dad about my blonde moment and they started getting into a political debate and screaming.
They still are screaming.
Which pisses me off because I was rushing through my homework so I could escape upstairs and I completely fucked up on my math homework and history map.
The math homework I fixed, I'll have to get another map and re-color it during history tomorrow. I answered all the questions at least.
Wireless Internet Wednesday...just 2 more days...then I can be in my nice comfy bed upstairs where it's quote and I can actually study...
There's always a bring side right?
Heh...JJ's one friend gave him his PSP because he got an XBOX 360 and his one friend also has Grand Theft Auto for the PSP.
While I was sitting with JJ in the lazy boy chair (yes we both amazingly still fit in it) he had the volume full blast and was trying to beat up a druggie and the druggie guy was swearing. My mom was waling by and she said "I don't' appreciate that language...." and I yelled "JJ TALK TO THE HOOKER!" and then my mom was like "MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T RIP YOU OFF!"
So swearing is bad but hookers are okay.
I love my mom. =)
I need to get working on my Valley Voyages tomorrow...and find out something about Iraq or whatnot. I'll have to re-read the post of the VV blog again...although the same one is on Mr. Johansson's blog....Ah, the power of copy and paste.
I read my history book and started the extra credit stuff today at least!
I hope I didn't need to put the answers on a separate sheet of paper....
I guess I'll find out tomorrow. =p
I wonder what's gonna happen tomorrow in PE...
ily.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
To all my friends...
Remember:
-Everything gets worse before it gets better
-I'll always be there to make you laugh
-My mom is your mother too
-We can keep secrets
-We're just a phone call away
-If you ever need to get away I'm here
-I can't make you're life work out the way you want but I can help you live through it
-Smile even though you're sad
-It's okay to be afraid
-It's okay to cry
-Hurting yourself won't make things better
-Pills are fake happiness
-If you take your hurt out on your friends you'll drive them away
-It could always be worse
-Laugh at yourself every once in awhile
-There is always a positive side
-There is always a way out
-There is always someone that cares
-You're friends will always be there
And I'll always be with you helping you laugh under the sun.
Now smile. =)
ily.
-Everything gets worse before it gets better
-I'll always be there to make you laugh
-My mom is your mother too
-We can keep secrets
-We're just a phone call away
-If you ever need to get away I'm here
-I can't make you're life work out the way you want but I can help you live through it
-Smile even though you're sad
-It's okay to be afraid
-It's okay to cry
-Hurting yourself won't make things better
-Pills are fake happiness
-If you take your hurt out on your friends you'll drive them away
-It could always be worse
-Laugh at yourself every once in awhile
-There is always a positive side
-There is always a way out
-There is always someone that cares
-You're friends will always be there
And I'll always be with you helping you laugh under the sun.
Now smile. =)
ily.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Happy Halloweeny!
Guss what happened as soon as I got on the bus this lovely Halloween.
Mrs. Sherry, handed out glow sticks.
Seriously.
Mine was purple!
Walked into the school and was bombarded with people in costumes. I was walking behind this guy dressed up as the Hulk. He painted his entire body green!! (Or as far as I could tell...)....(shut up).
So many girls were dressed as sluts (nurses, bunnies, cowgirls). Yeah, I was wearing a shortish skirt and boots, but at least my ass wasn't hanging out unlike some peoples...
PE wasn't epic today. Nobody really did anything funny...
Used my lunch to try and print our my history report since SOMEBODY in my house keeps forgetting to go out and buy color for the printer. *cough*cough*dad*cough*cough*.
I thought, just stick in the flash drive, print it to green 3, and then bang, done and back to lunch. But NOOOOOOOOOO, green 3 had to be out of order (the only color printer) and my flash drive acting all bugged. So then in the end I only had 5 minutes left of lunch.
Cameron was with me while we were trying to print it out...I think he got scared because I was practically growling. But I mean come on! The day I would like to print out something, the something of which has to be more of a presentation, everything goes wrong. I would have really liked to have seen my project printed out.
Only got to eat a chicken sandwich...not even considered a lunch in my book. So when Senorita passed out candy I was like O.O FOOD!!
I had M&M's. =)
History class fixed my sour mood. Apparently somebody made cake for their project, and Mr. Johansson said we could finish it. That cake was goooooood.
Art class I saw Cyrus. He perked up my mood even more. He dressed up as a cowboy. =)
Oh, and apparently during that period there was supposed to be a banana battle in the cafe. But only 2 people came.
English I was worried about the test. It seemed easy but what the hell does that mean anymore?
Discovered that I was so scatterbrained today that I forgot to have my teacher sign my absent slip thing. So I signed out a pass and brought all my stuff with me and walked all the way to the other side of the school. Mayer wasn't their, so I faked his, but at least Mr. Johansson was there. After turning it into the office I found a girl that rode my bus and we just walked around the halls aimlessly. There was only two minutes left of school.
I was finally the first one on the bus today. Heh, I'm normally the last so Mrs. Sherry was all "CONGRATS!"
Bus ride home a girl discovered a spider was in her seat, so what did she proceed to do? Stand up in the aisle way, throw her things, point at it, and scream bloody murder. Yes, very smart.
I couldn't hear my IPod over her so I walked to the back of the bus (mind you my boots and it's moving) knocked the spider down in my hand and throw it out the window.
Got home, relaxed, and then got ready again for Peache's party. I was the first one there! (I didn't count Ryan because of course he would have been there already). Then everyone else came (in order) Devvy Chan, Andy, and Rayy.
She had a paddle ball thing! In the end, I got up to 68!!! Skillz.
Sami came over with her gang and invited us to go trick or treating with her up the street!
Thanks Sami!!
I got lot's of candy. Rayy and I also got popcorn. =p
We all watched family guy as we traded candy, then went on to play Truth or Dare then spin the bottle.
Odd thing?
There was only 1 guy.
=p
Had to come home early because my mom was getting really sick.
Got home and came onto here. Gonna work on changing the blog and stuff tomorrow.
That's about it.
ily.
Mrs. Sherry, handed out glow sticks.
Seriously.
Mine was purple!
Walked into the school and was bombarded with people in costumes. I was walking behind this guy dressed up as the Hulk. He painted his entire body green!! (Or as far as I could tell...)....(shut up).
So many girls were dressed as sluts (nurses, bunnies, cowgirls). Yeah, I was wearing a shortish skirt and boots, but at least my ass wasn't hanging out unlike some peoples...
PE wasn't epic today. Nobody really did anything funny...
Used my lunch to try and print our my history report since SOMEBODY in my house keeps forgetting to go out and buy color for the printer. *cough*cough*dad*cough*cough*.
I thought, just stick in the flash drive, print it to green 3, and then bang, done and back to lunch. But NOOOOOOOOOO, green 3 had to be out of order (the only color printer) and my flash drive acting all bugged. So then in the end I only had 5 minutes left of lunch.
Cameron was with me while we were trying to print it out...I think he got scared because I was practically growling. But I mean come on! The day I would like to print out something, the something of which has to be more of a presentation, everything goes wrong. I would have really liked to have seen my project printed out.
Only got to eat a chicken sandwich...not even considered a lunch in my book. So when Senorita passed out candy I was like O.O FOOD!!
I had M&M's. =)
History class fixed my sour mood. Apparently somebody made cake for their project, and Mr. Johansson said we could finish it. That cake was goooooood.
Art class I saw Cyrus. He perked up my mood even more. He dressed up as a cowboy. =)
Oh, and apparently during that period there was supposed to be a banana battle in the cafe. But only 2 people came.
English I was worried about the test. It seemed easy but what the hell does that mean anymore?
Discovered that I was so scatterbrained today that I forgot to have my teacher sign my absent slip thing. So I signed out a pass and brought all my stuff with me and walked all the way to the other side of the school. Mayer wasn't their, so I faked his, but at least Mr. Johansson was there. After turning it into the office I found a girl that rode my bus and we just walked around the halls aimlessly. There was only two minutes left of school.
I was finally the first one on the bus today. Heh, I'm normally the last so Mrs. Sherry was all "CONGRATS!"
Bus ride home a girl discovered a spider was in her seat, so what did she proceed to do? Stand up in the aisle way, throw her things, point at it, and scream bloody murder. Yes, very smart.
I couldn't hear my IPod over her so I walked to the back of the bus (mind you my boots and it's moving) knocked the spider down in my hand and throw it out the window.
Got home, relaxed, and then got ready again for Peache's party. I was the first one there! (I didn't count Ryan because of course he would have been there already). Then everyone else came (in order) Devvy Chan, Andy, and Rayy.
She had a paddle ball thing! In the end, I got up to 68!!! Skillz.
Sami came over with her gang and invited us to go trick or treating with her up the street!
Thanks Sami!!
I got lot's of candy. Rayy and I also got popcorn. =p
We all watched family guy as we traded candy, then went on to play Truth or Dare then spin the bottle.
Odd thing?
There was only 1 guy.
=p
Had to come home early because my mom was getting really sick.
Got home and came onto here. Gonna work on changing the blog and stuff tomorrow.
That's about it.
ily.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Meh...
Suddenly I don't feel much like posting...
Mom is going to Vegas tomorrow.
There was a new kid in our physics class.
Only us girl's played on the hockey team today and we won both games without the guys.
Spanish class was...annoying....everyone was acting like morons. It was like they had never taken Spanish before.
Think I did pretty well on my history test today.
Talked with Cyrus in art today. =)
Went to get my hair trimmed and stuff.
Forgot to bring my geometry stuff home and now I don't know how to do my homework. Which means my grade will fall again. I was all excited because I was almost to a B-, screwed now. I had an A+ until I did bad on a test and then it went down like a ton of bricks.
Blah.
Going to bed now.
Oh yeah, lots of hugs tomorrow please?
ily.
Mom is going to Vegas tomorrow.
There was a new kid in our physics class.
Only us girl's played on the hockey team today and we won both games without the guys.
Spanish class was...annoying....everyone was acting like morons. It was like they had never taken Spanish before.
Think I did pretty well on my history test today.
Talked with Cyrus in art today. =)
Went to get my hair trimmed and stuff.
Forgot to bring my geometry stuff home and now I don't know how to do my homework. Which means my grade will fall again. I was all excited because I was almost to a B-, screwed now. I had an A+ until I did bad on a test and then it went down like a ton of bricks.
Blah.
Going to bed now.
Oh yeah, lots of hugs tomorrow please?
ily.
Monday, August 25, 2008
@#%%^$@$%!
Stayed up till 3 again last night cuz I couldn't sleep again. This is gonna be great once school rolls around.
Dad took me to the office so I could have my 'last day lunch' and then I sat around and did nothing for about and hour and a half.
On the van ride to the school everyone decided that they should blast the hannah-mother-fucking-tanna the whole 45 minutes to the golf course.
I'm seriously gonna snipe that fucking son of a bitch slut whore face.
Golf game was okay. Shot a 55. Meh. Actually that's bad.
Tried to drown out that little slutassbitchwhoreface with my IPod on the way home but it didn't work. Coach lectured us. And my dad rubbed my terrible score in my face and went on a rant about how I need to play golf more, and go to the range and shit. Then he asked me what color golf bag I wanted so he could pick it up at Dicks. I said black. SO he goes on another rant about how I'm turning into some Gothic bitch and that he isn't gonna deal with shit like that, and if I turn into a black 'bloodsucker' he was gonna kick me outta the house and said that the next thing I was gonna do was start slitting my wrists.
Ha too late for that.
And seriously, just because I like black, doesn't mean I'm gonna turn into...what did he say, a black bloodsucker? Yeah love you too dad.
Got home and wanted to get on the computer and it was acting up and I got so pissed that I threw my wireless mouse against the wall. There's a dent there now, but the mouse is still in tact. I've bashed and threw it so many times, people with anger issues like me should get them.
Got my shit together for school.
I fucking hate school.
Yeah, ya get to see your friends, but that's just about it.
Still need to do those stupid fucking questions too.
Fuck.
ily.
Dad took me to the office so I could have my 'last day lunch' and then I sat around and did nothing for about and hour and a half.
On the van ride to the school everyone decided that they should blast the hannah-mother-fucking-tanna the whole 45 minutes to the golf course.
I'm seriously gonna snipe that fucking son of a bitch slut whore face.
Golf game was okay. Shot a 55. Meh. Actually that's bad.
Tried to drown out that little slutassbitchwhoreface with my IPod on the way home but it didn't work. Coach lectured us. And my dad rubbed my terrible score in my face and went on a rant about how I need to play golf more, and go to the range and shit. Then he asked me what color golf bag I wanted so he could pick it up at Dicks. I said black. SO he goes on another rant about how I'm turning into some Gothic bitch and that he isn't gonna deal with shit like that, and if I turn into a black 'bloodsucker' he was gonna kick me outta the house and said that the next thing I was gonna do was start slitting my wrists.
Ha too late for that.
And seriously, just because I like black, doesn't mean I'm gonna turn into...what did he say, a black bloodsucker? Yeah love you too dad.
Got home and wanted to get on the computer and it was acting up and I got so pissed that I threw my wireless mouse against the wall. There's a dent there now, but the mouse is still in tact. I've bashed and threw it so many times, people with anger issues like me should get them.
Got my shit together for school.
I fucking hate school.
Yeah, ya get to see your friends, but that's just about it.
Still need to do those stupid fucking questions too.
Fuck.
ily.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Boolaloop...
not in a good mood now.
1. laptop keeps fucking freezing on me
2. writers block
3. Devvy chan is away =( (but that's okay devvy lol)
4. My back is killing me from work today
5. I still need to take a shower
6. it's the longest day of the year today so it's gonna last longer
7. It's not Friday yet
Alright alright fuck...let's think about positives....
1. Had Wendy's for lunch
2. had really good steak that mom made for dinner
3. i got to talk to Zak today
4. um...
yeah...that's all I can think of.
Yesterday Rayy, Zak, Sami, Elli, Ed, Jason, and me all went and saw Zohan. Only had a bit of after credits after. Zak wanted to do it during the movie but I dunno call me old fashion but I don't like to do that stuff unless we're alone. I mean, also, if Jackie and Ryan were making out I'd tell them to get a room, we don't need to have you swapping spit while we're trying to eat popcorn ya know? He's coming over for like 10 hours Friday though so yayz.
It was cold today, I had to wear a jacket in the warehouse for the morning.
Vampire Knights episode 11 was good. Getting another idea for a book, but it hasn't totally bloomed yet. Cuz it kinda ya know, needs a plot. I'm getting my ass in gear for Search and Destroy don't worry. I really wanna type the ending.
*sigh* that's all for now I guess.
um...anybody wanna give me a free hug? I need one today.
1. laptop keeps fucking freezing on me
2. writers block
3. Devvy chan is away =( (but that's okay devvy lol)
4. My back is killing me from work today
5. I still need to take a shower
6. it's the longest day of the year today so it's gonna last longer
7. It's not Friday yet
Alright alright fuck...let's think about positives....
1. Had Wendy's for lunch
2. had really good steak that mom made for dinner
3. i got to talk to Zak today
4. um...
yeah...that's all I can think of.
Yesterday Rayy, Zak, Sami, Elli, Ed, Jason, and me all went and saw Zohan. Only had a bit of after credits after. Zak wanted to do it during the movie but I dunno call me old fashion but I don't like to do that stuff unless we're alone. I mean, also, if Jackie and Ryan were making out I'd tell them to get a room, we don't need to have you swapping spit while we're trying to eat popcorn ya know? He's coming over for like 10 hours Friday though so yayz.
It was cold today, I had to wear a jacket in the warehouse for the morning.
Vampire Knights episode 11 was good. Getting another idea for a book, but it hasn't totally bloomed yet. Cuz it kinda ya know, needs a plot. I'm getting my ass in gear for Search and Destroy don't worry. I really wanna type the ending.
*sigh* that's all for now I guess.
um...anybody wanna give me a free hug? I need one today.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
If there was a god...
I'd slit his throat and friggin burn him.
My mom was okay today. Her leg was fine, she didn't feel headachey, she was in a happy mood, it was a great mother's day. Well in the last two hours she just got really sick, really fast.
My mom is the most smart, caring, kindest person I've ever known in my life and she works so hard. She deserves so much. Yet what does she get? Well, when my dad isn't picking a fight or insulting her or she isn't dealing with some asshole somewhere she's lying sick in bed, puking her guts out in a trashcan with the most terrible migraine you can ever imagine.
She does all this good stuff, even when she's SICK, and that's what happens to her?
What the fuck?
What did she do to deserve that? What could she have possibly done to have her have to suffer that much?
And it's not like this is a once a year thing, this is like a once every how many days thing.
I hate seeing her like that. I hate it. She's so weak, and she's so sick and every time she gets sick she feels so sorry and so ashamed we have to see her like that.
And I get so scared and feel so helpless because you can't do anything about it and most of the time she has to go to the ER and I always have to wait and see if she made it again this time. Because even though my mom is tough, in the back of my mind I know one of these days she just isn't going to and my dad is going to come home from the ER around 3 in the morning and she's not going to be in the car with him and she'll never be in the car with him or with us unless it's like a fucking hearse.
I have no clue what I would do without my mom. I can't even begin to describe how messed up I would be if I would ever lose her. And I defiantly can't even describe how messed up I would be if I lost her to one of those migraines.
Everyone is always worried when she's sick. Jj always cries when she goes to the ER. What do you think is going to happen if that time comes when she never comes back? What would happen to him? What would happen to all of us?
And I always get so fucking pissed off because this shouldn't be happening to her! She should be sitting out on the deck right now or something, hugging a book or talking on the phone, not lying in bed, hugging an ice pack to her head and trying not to lose it from all the pain.
And get this, even when she's sick she'll work her ass off still. If Lee Eaton needed this by this date, or if someone needed the best cheese cake ever made (hers) or if it's Christmas cards that need to be mailed, or bills to pay, or stuff we need for school to be filled out, she'll get it done, on time and have it be a hell of a lot better than any healthy person who did it.
She always tells us, that even though she's sick, that us kids make up for it and we're the greatest in the world, and that we make her so happy, even if we do some pretty stupid ass stuff.
But is that really enough? Does she really just deserve us? Does she really deserve me, a stupid, emotionally messed up girl, who can never get more than merit roll in school and that doesn't even have a future or any real great talent? I must really be missing something here.
My mom had a stroke in her 30's and had to re-learn everything, from how to walk to the alphabet. She's gone through surgery without anesthetic, baked 7 cheese cakes in one night, and has made me proud to have her as a mom.
But even after all that this happens, almost all the time.
And I can't stop it.
I wish I had my pocket knife back.
My mom was okay today. Her leg was fine, she didn't feel headachey, she was in a happy mood, it was a great mother's day. Well in the last two hours she just got really sick, really fast.
My mom is the most smart, caring, kindest person I've ever known in my life and she works so hard. She deserves so much. Yet what does she get? Well, when my dad isn't picking a fight or insulting her or she isn't dealing with some asshole somewhere she's lying sick in bed, puking her guts out in a trashcan with the most terrible migraine you can ever imagine.
She does all this good stuff, even when she's SICK, and that's what happens to her?
What the fuck?
What did she do to deserve that? What could she have possibly done to have her have to suffer that much?
And it's not like this is a once a year thing, this is like a once every how many days thing.
I hate seeing her like that. I hate it. She's so weak, and she's so sick and every time she gets sick she feels so sorry and so ashamed we have to see her like that.
And I get so scared and feel so helpless because you can't do anything about it and most of the time she has to go to the ER and I always have to wait and see if she made it again this time. Because even though my mom is tough, in the back of my mind I know one of these days she just isn't going to and my dad is going to come home from the ER around 3 in the morning and she's not going to be in the car with him and she'll never be in the car with him or with us unless it's like a fucking hearse.
I have no clue what I would do without my mom. I can't even begin to describe how messed up I would be if I would ever lose her. And I defiantly can't even describe how messed up I would be if I lost her to one of those migraines.
Everyone is always worried when she's sick. Jj always cries when she goes to the ER. What do you think is going to happen if that time comes when she never comes back? What would happen to him? What would happen to all of us?
And I always get so fucking pissed off because this shouldn't be happening to her! She should be sitting out on the deck right now or something, hugging a book or talking on the phone, not lying in bed, hugging an ice pack to her head and trying not to lose it from all the pain.
And get this, even when she's sick she'll work her ass off still. If Lee Eaton needed this by this date, or if someone needed the best cheese cake ever made (hers) or if it's Christmas cards that need to be mailed, or bills to pay, or stuff we need for school to be filled out, she'll get it done, on time and have it be a hell of a lot better than any healthy person who did it.
She always tells us, that even though she's sick, that us kids make up for it and we're the greatest in the world, and that we make her so happy, even if we do some pretty stupid ass stuff.
But is that really enough? Does she really just deserve us? Does she really deserve me, a stupid, emotionally messed up girl, who can never get more than merit roll in school and that doesn't even have a future or any real great talent? I must really be missing something here.
My mom had a stroke in her 30's and had to re-learn everything, from how to walk to the alphabet. She's gone through surgery without anesthetic, baked 7 cheese cakes in one night, and has made me proud to have her as a mom.
But even after all that this happens, almost all the time.
And I can't stop it.
I wish I had my pocket knife back.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Not Really A Good Week
Still not feeling too peppy....been thinking about a few things....
Yesterday my mom and dad got into this huge yelling fight about my brothers pants being too tight. It later turned into a more adult like argument, but the thing to start it was PANTS? *sigh*
Zak might be coming over Friday if he can get a ride home. It's been a few days now since the kissing and crap and I still feel nothing. To me it's just a kiss... Was I wrong to say yes to him? At first when he was trying to ask it was all cute and stuff and I thought it could turn into something. It's just now that I really put my mind to it- and this is when I'm not putting my mind on my math homework and parents- Zak isn't exactly my type of guy. I mean he's tall- really tall- and I'd like a tall guy, but I'd also like an athletic one. They don't have to play a sport but I mean he doesn't even work out, and I do and I'm a girl (as in guys usually work out more than girls do and stuff).
We talk on the phone almost everyday, and he says I love you and I say I love you too. But I feel like I'm lying. (by the way Erin just sent me a text saying that max told her he loves her so at least they've got something going)....(sorry Erin if I wasn't supposed to say that...). Anyways, I really don't feel like I like Zak more than a good friend. Maybe it's too soon?
Argh I dunno. I hope dad likes him I guess. I really am cruel....
*sigh*
In keyboarding today Carly asked me why I was hold Rayy's hand. I just shrugged my shoulders and said we were trying to walk straight and that we were friends and stuff. She said oh, sorry, it's just people were whispering. To those people fuck you and get a life.
Why is it that any little gustier could automatically deem a person gay or a lez? I was holding her hand, so what? Not to mention my other arm was wrapped around Zak! *guilty once again* This just shows that some people in our school really need to get a life.
Max told this really funny joke in study hall today, here it is:
So there were three men lined up at the gates of heaven. An angel said that they were running out of room and that you had to have died a horrible, or tragic death to get in. The first man walked up. The angel asked: How did you die?
man 1: well, I had heard my wife had been cheating on me, so I went home a little early but no one was there, but I knew something was up. I went out on my 25 floor apartment balcony to drink my beer and discovered a man hanging off of it! So, I smashed his fingers with a hammer and he fell into the bushes but was only stunned, so I then I threw a fridge down and he died. From all the excitement I had a heart attack and died.
Alright, you can go in, said the angel. The second man then came up and the angel asked again: How did you die?
man 2: well I was exercising on my 26th floor balcony when I fell off! Luckily I grabbed onto the 25th floor one right below me. Suddenly, this crazy guy starts pounding on my fingers with a hammer and I fall into the bushes stunned! Then, this fridge comes falling and killed me!
You can pass, said the angel. Finally, the last man came up and the angel asked once more: How did you die?
man 3: well I was hiding in this fridge....
That's it! Funny huh?
Track today was bad in PE. Sure, I was ahead all the way up until the last turn, but then I couldn't breath and everything starting getting black, I had to walk the way unless I wasn't to collapse right there. After the finish line I felt like I was going to puke my guts out, and I hate puking. I told the teacher and she just told me not to throw chunks on her...thanks for the help...
Bio I feel asleep (it's right after PE) and my teacher poked me right when the bell rang and asked: Track? and I groaned and nodded. I didn't mean to fall asleep, my head was just leaning against the wall and I dozed off. She said she wasn't going to take point off though so claps for her.
Keyboarding I couldn't concentrate, so I therefore couldn't catch up, although I am basically where everyone else is. Our warm-up was jokes, so that's how we all started telling jokes in study hall.
Oh yeah, wanna help end world hunger?? http://www.freerice.com/ go to it! Yesterday I helped donate 3,640 grains of rice! Whoo hoo!
On the day of my last post I told my mom I wanted to cut again, so she's been keeping an eye on me. The cat doesn't help, because he scratched up my wrist, but she was there when it happened and yelled at me because it was my fault I was agitating him. But it's just so fun!
Have to work out tonight, then ghost hunter's at 9 which means I'll have to shower tomorrow. I don't just wanna wash my body and not my hair, you never feel squeaky clean.
Really windy outside today, but was too tired to go in it.
Sorry post was so long.
Dev your maga is good so far...methinks I like aram....fight to the death on Monday?
Rayy I'm not a lez and I know you're not either, but you're my bestest buddy!
Erin congrats.
Ed, I'm gonna kick your aspirin
Peaches and Ryan...um...cheers?
Other people that read my blog hellos and feel free to comment so I know you're reading, I like comments.
P.s. This was a loooooooooooooooooooooog post
P.s.s. heh I just made it longer =p
Yesterday my mom and dad got into this huge yelling fight about my brothers pants being too tight. It later turned into a more adult like argument, but the thing to start it was PANTS? *sigh*
Zak might be coming over Friday if he can get a ride home. It's been a few days now since the kissing and crap and I still feel nothing. To me it's just a kiss... Was I wrong to say yes to him? At first when he was trying to ask it was all cute and stuff and I thought it could turn into something. It's just now that I really put my mind to it- and this is when I'm not putting my mind on my math homework and parents- Zak isn't exactly my type of guy. I mean he's tall- really tall- and I'd like a tall guy, but I'd also like an athletic one. They don't have to play a sport but I mean he doesn't even work out, and I do and I'm a girl (as in guys usually work out more than girls do and stuff).
We talk on the phone almost everyday, and he says I love you and I say I love you too. But I feel like I'm lying. (by the way Erin just sent me a text saying that max told her he loves her so at least they've got something going)....(sorry Erin if I wasn't supposed to say that...). Anyways, I really don't feel like I like Zak more than a good friend. Maybe it's too soon?
Argh I dunno. I hope dad likes him I guess. I really am cruel....
*sigh*
In keyboarding today Carly asked me why I was hold Rayy's hand. I just shrugged my shoulders and said we were trying to walk straight and that we were friends and stuff. She said oh, sorry, it's just people were whispering. To those people fuck you and get a life.
Why is it that any little gustier could automatically deem a person gay or a lez? I was holding her hand, so what? Not to mention my other arm was wrapped around Zak! *guilty once again* This just shows that some people in our school really need to get a life.
Max told this really funny joke in study hall today, here it is:
So there were three men lined up at the gates of heaven. An angel said that they were running out of room and that you had to have died a horrible, or tragic death to get in. The first man walked up. The angel asked: How did you die?
man 1: well, I had heard my wife had been cheating on me, so I went home a little early but no one was there, but I knew something was up. I went out on my 25 floor apartment balcony to drink my beer and discovered a man hanging off of it! So, I smashed his fingers with a hammer and he fell into the bushes but was only stunned, so I then I threw a fridge down and he died. From all the excitement I had a heart attack and died.
Alright, you can go in, said the angel. The second man then came up and the angel asked again: How did you die?
man 2: well I was exercising on my 26th floor balcony when I fell off! Luckily I grabbed onto the 25th floor one right below me. Suddenly, this crazy guy starts pounding on my fingers with a hammer and I fall into the bushes stunned! Then, this fridge comes falling and killed me!
You can pass, said the angel. Finally, the last man came up and the angel asked once more: How did you die?
man 3: well I was hiding in this fridge....
That's it! Funny huh?
Track today was bad in PE. Sure, I was ahead all the way up until the last turn, but then I couldn't breath and everything starting getting black, I had to walk the way unless I wasn't to collapse right there. After the finish line I felt like I was going to puke my guts out, and I hate puking. I told the teacher and she just told me not to throw chunks on her...thanks for the help...
Bio I feel asleep (it's right after PE) and my teacher poked me right when the bell rang and asked: Track? and I groaned and nodded. I didn't mean to fall asleep, my head was just leaning against the wall and I dozed off. She said she wasn't going to take point off though so claps for her.
Keyboarding I couldn't concentrate, so I therefore couldn't catch up, although I am basically where everyone else is. Our warm-up was jokes, so that's how we all started telling jokes in study hall.
Oh yeah, wanna help end world hunger?? http://www.freerice.com/ go to it! Yesterday I helped donate 3,640 grains of rice! Whoo hoo!
On the day of my last post I told my mom I wanted to cut again, so she's been keeping an eye on me. The cat doesn't help, because he scratched up my wrist, but she was there when it happened and yelled at me because it was my fault I was agitating him. But it's just so fun!
Have to work out tonight, then ghost hunter's at 9 which means I'll have to shower tomorrow. I don't just wanna wash my body and not my hair, you never feel squeaky clean.
Really windy outside today, but was too tired to go in it.
Sorry post was so long.
Dev your maga is good so far...methinks I like aram....fight to the death on Monday?
Rayy I'm not a lez and I know you're not either, but you're my bestest buddy!
Erin congrats.
Ed, I'm gonna kick your aspirin
Peaches and Ryan...um...cheers?
Other people that read my blog hellos and feel free to comment so I know you're reading, I like comments.
P.s. This was a loooooooooooooooooooooog post
P.s.s. heh I just made it longer =p
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Best Buy is Stoopid
Mkays, so I got my laptop back yesterday right? Was all excited, but I didn't go on it, I was too tired. So I log on it today.
Now
the problem with my laptop was the tons of spywhere, so they were supposed to put an anti-spywhere thing on it, and word 07 since it wasn't loading on my computer.
Well, no anti-spywhere, no word 07. There's word 03, but not 07.
I swear my dad's gonna blow that place up one day...
What made my day today:
Dad: *walks in the computer room muttering* stupid...fucking...best buy...fuckers...
Me: hey dad look, my hair's in a pony tail again!
Dad: *turns around* whoa...*shocked face*
Hammy: *comes up from behind the chair and starts batting my hair around
*we all laugh (cept hammy)*
=)
Its little things like that in life that make my day!
Oh so now I've got a deadline, Friday, if I don't stop 'cutting' some one's gonna tell my parents. Ryan told me this. At first, I was like really pissed off. Now, I'm kicking myself because this is a good thing. But, if I don't stop by Thursday I'm gonna beat ya guys too it. I'm gonna tell my mom. Why? Well cuz if you guys tell her she's gonna blame herself for being such a bad parent...and you guys know she's not.
Fuck, I might even tell her tonight. Why? I dunno it's a Tuesday I guess.
I think I realized why I'm doing this to myself. I've been trying to figure out because I don't believe depression is a disease, that's just stupid to me- sorry peaches but I lied to you when I agreed, I didn't wanna get into it. So I've got about 2 reasons:
Reason A:
Home life.
My parents have done nothing but yell and yell and yell for about 2 years now. It's not at me, its at my brother for his grades and stuff. Kinda stupid I should be feeling sad about that, but I just can't take seeing them get so disappointed in themselves and in JJ. And what really chokes me up is that JJ doesn't even seem to care and that what I try to talk to him he doesn't talk back. We always tell each other everything...now it's like there's this gap...
man I'm tearing up right now...ha
Reason B (and a stupid reason at that but hey):
Lack of love.
You ever want someone to hold you close to them? Wrap their arms completely around you and whisper in your ear it's going to be alright and kiss you? And I'm talking about a boyfriend not a parent or a friend. I long for that so much... Thing is, I don't like anyone in that way...sure I have a fair few friends that are guys (I think about 10 or so) but I don't really consider them more than my friend. They're not the one. Ya know, THE ONE? Where you wanna spend every waking moment with them? Yeah, haven't found them yet...
I feel like I have this hole inside me...call me a lame poetic weirdo, but it's like I'm missing a piece, the, the one piece. (okay so maybe that wasn't that poetic but nah nah nah nah nah).
OW
Hammy pulled my hair down and I hit my head on the back of the chair...
Anyways, I guess it's good that I'm not thinking about suicide or anything, yuck. If I killed myself my mom would die, just lay down and die, then my bro would be all messed up and then my dad would be messed up and not to mention you guys out there. I could never be that cruel, never.
Saying that, if you do tell my parents and go "ash is cutting and we all think she might want to kill herself" I'll fucking rip your head off.
and if YOU guys ever try to do it either for a first time or again and fail, the same applies. I'll make is my top priority to go to where ever you are after I hear the news.
Well that's all.
Now
the problem with my laptop was the tons of spywhere, so they were supposed to put an anti-spywhere thing on it, and word 07 since it wasn't loading on my computer.
Well, no anti-spywhere, no word 07. There's word 03, but not 07.
I swear my dad's gonna blow that place up one day...
What made my day today:
Dad: *walks in the computer room muttering* stupid...fucking...best buy...fuckers...
Me: hey dad look, my hair's in a pony tail again!
Dad: *turns around* whoa...*shocked face*
Hammy: *comes up from behind the chair and starts batting my hair around
*we all laugh (cept hammy)*
=)
Its little things like that in life that make my day!
Oh so now I've got a deadline, Friday, if I don't stop 'cutting' some one's gonna tell my parents. Ryan told me this. At first, I was like really pissed off. Now, I'm kicking myself because this is a good thing. But, if I don't stop by Thursday I'm gonna beat ya guys too it. I'm gonna tell my mom. Why? Well cuz if you guys tell her she's gonna blame herself for being such a bad parent...and you guys know she's not.
Fuck, I might even tell her tonight. Why? I dunno it's a Tuesday I guess.
I think I realized why I'm doing this to myself. I've been trying to figure out because I don't believe depression is a disease, that's just stupid to me- sorry peaches but I lied to you when I agreed, I didn't wanna get into it. So I've got about 2 reasons:
Reason A:
Home life.
My parents have done nothing but yell and yell and yell for about 2 years now. It's not at me, its at my brother for his grades and stuff. Kinda stupid I should be feeling sad about that, but I just can't take seeing them get so disappointed in themselves and in JJ. And what really chokes me up is that JJ doesn't even seem to care and that what I try to talk to him he doesn't talk back. We always tell each other everything...now it's like there's this gap...
man I'm tearing up right now...ha
Reason B (and a stupid reason at that but hey):
Lack of love.
You ever want someone to hold you close to them? Wrap their arms completely around you and whisper in your ear it's going to be alright and kiss you? And I'm talking about a boyfriend not a parent or a friend. I long for that so much... Thing is, I don't like anyone in that way...sure I have a fair few friends that are guys (I think about 10 or so) but I don't really consider them more than my friend. They're not the one. Ya know, THE ONE? Where you wanna spend every waking moment with them? Yeah, haven't found them yet...
I feel like I have this hole inside me...call me a lame poetic weirdo, but it's like I'm missing a piece, the, the one piece. (okay so maybe that wasn't that poetic but nah nah nah nah nah).
OW
Hammy pulled my hair down and I hit my head on the back of the chair...
Anyways, I guess it's good that I'm not thinking about suicide or anything, yuck. If I killed myself my mom would die, just lay down and die, then my bro would be all messed up and then my dad would be messed up and not to mention you guys out there. I could never be that cruel, never.
Saying that, if you do tell my parents and go "ash is cutting and we all think she might want to kill herself" I'll fucking rip your head off.
and if YOU guys ever try to do it either for a first time or again and fail, the same applies. I'll make is my top priority to go to where ever you are after I hear the news.
Well that's all.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Why
It seems when you take a stainless steel pocket knife and put it against your wrist and press as hard as you think you can nothing happens.
At least for me.
Sure there is a small little line left, but it goes away after about 10 minutes.
Then my wrist burns for a bit.
I started doing this about 4 days ago? I dunno...
I dunno why I do it either.
I feel happy right now, i don't think there is any reason why I should do it. I tell myself that when I look at that pocket knife sitting on my end table. It's shiny in the light. It's stainless steel too and from China. That means if you lick it you'll get led poisoning. One time I hid it and thought that would work. How stupid is that? I know where it is, I freaking hid it. So I went back and got it and ya know, put it to my wrist.
I let it sit there for a moment ya know? I think about a whole bunch of different things like:
-Don't do it
-Push harder this time
-I like this song on my Ipod
-There's a finger print on the blade
-Hey my dad gave me this a few years ago, he got it from his work
-Why am I doing this?
-Wow it's late
-I want a permanent mark, just one
-What's wrong with me?
-1...2...3...
-Put it away
-Hide it
-Don't hide it
-Throw it away
-Don't throw it away, its got other gadgets too like a cork screw, mini scissors, nail file etc.
-4...5...6...
-What will my friends think?
-This is bad, I'm bad
-I'll blame it on the cat
-The line always goes away
-I should make this go away
It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. have you ever tried this before? Just once? Or just put the a blade to your wrist and see if you would do it but never do? Have you ever gotten this far? Have you ever gone farther than me? I hope I never get further. I hope I stop. Why don't I stop?
I'm talking to Dev right now. My voice sounds happy, I feel really happy.
Yet why do I put it up to my wrist? Am I like really really depressed deep down? I never like to be sad, when I am I try and push that feeling down into the pit of my stomach. It feels weird there for a second, like I'm going to puke, but then it goes away. Is my little 'trash bin' over filled? I don't think this is a way to empty it...
Wow those last two sentences sound stupid...oh well...
I read a book called Cut. The girl was cutting herself because....well I can't tell you that, it would ruin the book. But in the beginning she didn't know why. I hope I find out why before I like have to go to a therapist or something. I don't like them much...it seems they ask all the wrong questions or questions you don't know how to answer because you don't have the answer...
Maybe I'll stop tomorrow night. Maybe I won't.
I'm gonna tell my mom sooner or later I think....but I'll wait...I can stop on my own...I think...
Dev says she's hyper now. =) I smiled, I'm happy right? I'm smiling, I'm happy, I feel happy.
Why?
Why do I do this to myself?
I'd rather be confused like Dev or Ellie because boy asked them out than this.
I just looked in the light at my wrist right now. The mark is gone. I want I new one. Just one. Only one, that's permanent. Then I'll stop.
I shouldn't say that. I should stop now.
I should.
I will.
Soon.
I hope...
Do you hope I stop?
I think you do.
I hope you do.
Well that's it. That's my post.
What? You're thinking it must be a joke?
Yeah if I were you I would too. Seeing that I'm always so happy all the time. Right?
I love you. I just thought I would say that. I don't know why, it just sounds nice.
At least for me.
Sure there is a small little line left, but it goes away after about 10 minutes.
Then my wrist burns for a bit.
I started doing this about 4 days ago? I dunno...
I dunno why I do it either.
I feel happy right now, i don't think there is any reason why I should do it. I tell myself that when I look at that pocket knife sitting on my end table. It's shiny in the light. It's stainless steel too and from China. That means if you lick it you'll get led poisoning. One time I hid it and thought that would work. How stupid is that? I know where it is, I freaking hid it. So I went back and got it and ya know, put it to my wrist.
I let it sit there for a moment ya know? I think about a whole bunch of different things like:
-Don't do it
-Push harder this time
-I like this song on my Ipod
-There's a finger print on the blade
-Hey my dad gave me this a few years ago, he got it from his work
-Why am I doing this?
-Wow it's late
-I want a permanent mark, just one
-What's wrong with me?
-1...2...3...
-Put it away
-Hide it
-Don't hide it
-Throw it away
-Don't throw it away, its got other gadgets too like a cork screw, mini scissors, nail file etc.
-4...5...6...
-What will my friends think?
-This is bad, I'm bad
-I'll blame it on the cat
-The line always goes away
-I should make this go away
It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. have you ever tried this before? Just once? Or just put the a blade to your wrist and see if you would do it but never do? Have you ever gotten this far? Have you ever gone farther than me? I hope I never get further. I hope I stop. Why don't I stop?
I'm talking to Dev right now. My voice sounds happy, I feel really happy.
Yet why do I put it up to my wrist? Am I like really really depressed deep down? I never like to be sad, when I am I try and push that feeling down into the pit of my stomach. It feels weird there for a second, like I'm going to puke, but then it goes away. Is my little 'trash bin' over filled? I don't think this is a way to empty it...
Wow those last two sentences sound stupid...oh well...
I read a book called Cut. The girl was cutting herself because....well I can't tell you that, it would ruin the book. But in the beginning she didn't know why. I hope I find out why before I like have to go to a therapist or something. I don't like them much...it seems they ask all the wrong questions or questions you don't know how to answer because you don't have the answer...
Maybe I'll stop tomorrow night. Maybe I won't.
I'm gonna tell my mom sooner or later I think....but I'll wait...I can stop on my own...I think...
Dev says she's hyper now. =) I smiled, I'm happy right? I'm smiling, I'm happy, I feel happy.
Why?
Why do I do this to myself?
I'd rather be confused like Dev or Ellie because boy asked them out than this.
I just looked in the light at my wrist right now. The mark is gone. I want I new one. Just one. Only one, that's permanent. Then I'll stop.
I shouldn't say that. I should stop now.
I should.
I will.
Soon.
I hope...
Do you hope I stop?
I think you do.
I hope you do.
Well that's it. That's my post.
What? You're thinking it must be a joke?
Yeah if I were you I would too. Seeing that I'm always so happy all the time. Right?
I love you. I just thought I would say that. I don't know why, it just sounds nice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)