What's This?!

Another post?!

You've already posted about your Sunday, your rant, and now this?!

Yes, as you can see, I decided on skipping sleeping for tonight.

Since the ranting post I have:

-Answered every single possible essay question for the WWI test in a handy journal I have sitting on my bed next to me

-Planned out my Spanish paragraph

-Downloaded the song: The Christmas Song; By Owl City and added it to Melvin

-Twittered

-Added to my blogging memories list I'm keeping in my handy journal so I can post them up on New Years

-Watched and got myself updated on all the VlogCandy video's on youtube

and

-Messed around with my blog

Now, here's why I've done with the blog:

***I've taken away the YouTube Live widget

***Taken away the twitter updates until I can acquire a cool gadget like Rayy has on her blog

***Added a Merry Christmas banner in the top, right-hand corner of my blog

and finally

***Added a cool gadget to make little snowflakes fall on my blog (it takes a moment to get them to fall though, and depending on your eyes, may be hard to see).

Oh, and I added a whole line of these little star things (****) at the bottom if anyone really cares. =p

Listening to music has improved my mood a bit.

Also looking forward to the fact of getting hugs at school tomorrow.

Hugs are always good.

=)

Remember at Anime Con I got 150 hugs all in one day?!

Yes I counted.

=p

I had a free hugs sign too!

Epicness.

Oh, and question, what happened to the RSJ? I don't have it (I think...) and I can't remember who I gave it to...

It's amazing how when you're sleep deprived you feel wide awake...

It's all a liiiiiiie, you feel hyper but deep down, deeeeeeeeeep deeeeeep down, you're really really tired.

Well, it's 5 now.

Gonna put the laptop away and slowly start getting ready for school.

See ya guys there!

=D

ily.

Techno

Woke up and dad took me out to get pancakes!

Then we stopped at Ink Stop to check out those electronic frame things, we were thinking about getting a pair for my grammy and then my grandma and grandpa (grammy= mom's mom, grandma/pa= dad's parents).

Then we decided since there wasn't anything else to do we'd go up to Best Buy and look at cameras since ours was on the fritz.

So, we came in to get a camera and left with wireless Internet and a laptop stand.

Now I know what you're thinking, how'd we swing that?

Well, turns out that we can't trade the camera, we can only send it to Kodak and get it fixed. Also, Christmas was coming soon and I was telling dad how I wanted to go wireless with my laptop. So, since we were there I got him to ask, and in the end we bought it, and my dad got me a stand for my laptop too. Best of all, the stand is not only built for a desk, but for your lap too and it's got a fan!

It goes spiny spiny. =p

The guy to install the wireless Internet is going to be coming over Wednesday. He's also going to sync our Wii to my laptop so I can watch movie on my laptop on the big screen TV downstairs.

Awesome, no?

Hamilton got stuck on JJ's top bunk today, so I had to get him down. He thanked me by kissing my hand, biting it, and then kissing it again.

That's a kitty for you. =)

Finally got around to cleaning off my computer desk. I even washed it! It's so neat now!

Oh! Wrote the prologue of "Marco. Polo. Die." finally! Decided to keep the title and write in in Sara's point of view. I also made it so she was almost talking to the reader, which I think is even cooler.

Heh...the prologue isn't even half a page and it took me an hour to write...

=p

Went to dad's parents house. It's so boring there...and my grandma can't cook. Except cake, which is so good but I can't have a lot because she uses that damn sweet-n-low crap, which gets me sicker than a dog if I eat too much. Hence why I can't drink half the diet pop in the soda machines at school.

Found my hobo gloves today, I'm going to wear them to school tomorrow. =D

Didn't get to talk to Cyrus today...I'd call him but it's late...

Picked all my nails today...and some yesterday...dammit...

That seems about it...

=)

ily.

Best Buy is Stoopid

Mkays, so I got my laptop back yesterday right? Was all excited, but I didn't go on it, I was too tired. So I log on it today.

Now

the problem with my laptop was the tons of spywhere, so they were supposed to put an anti-spywhere thing on it, and word 07 since it wasn't loading on my computer.

Well, no anti-spywhere, no word 07. There's word 03, but not 07.

I swear my dad's gonna blow that place up one day...

What made my day today:

Dad: *walks in the computer room muttering* stupid...fucking...best buy...fuckers...
Me: hey dad look, my hair's in a pony tail again!
Dad: *turns around* whoa...*shocked face*
Hammy: *comes up from behind the chair and starts batting my hair around
*we all laugh (cept hammy)*

=)

Its little things like that in life that make my day!

Oh so now I've got a deadline, Friday, if I don't stop 'cutting' some one's gonna tell my parents. Ryan told me this. At first, I was like really pissed off. Now, I'm kicking myself because this is a good thing. But, if I don't stop by Thursday I'm gonna beat ya guys too it. I'm gonna tell my mom. Why? Well cuz if you guys tell her she's gonna blame herself for being such a bad parent...and you guys know she's not.

Fuck, I might even tell her tonight. Why? I dunno it's a Tuesday I guess.

I think I realized why I'm doing this to myself. I've been trying to figure out because I don't believe depression is a disease, that's just stupid to me- sorry peaches but I lied to you when I agreed, I didn't wanna get into it. So I've got about 2 reasons:

Reason A:

Home life.

My parents have done nothing but yell and yell and yell for about 2 years now. It's not at me, its at my brother for his grades and stuff. Kinda stupid I should be feeling sad about that, but I just can't take seeing them get so disappointed in themselves and in JJ. And what really chokes me up is that JJ doesn't even seem to care and that what I try to talk to him he doesn't talk back. We always tell each other everything...now it's like there's this gap...

man I'm tearing up right now...ha

Reason B (and a stupid reason at that but hey):

Lack of love.

You ever want someone to hold you close to them? Wrap their arms completely around you and whisper in your ear it's going to be alright and kiss you? And I'm talking about a boyfriend not a parent or a friend. I long for that so much... Thing is, I don't like anyone in that way...sure I have a fair few friends that are guys (I think about 10 or so) but I don't really consider them more than my friend. They're not the one. Ya know, THE ONE? Where you wanna spend every waking moment with them? Yeah, haven't found them yet...

I feel like I have this hole inside me...call me a lame poetic weirdo, but it's like I'm missing a piece, the, the one piece. (okay so maybe that wasn't that poetic but nah nah nah nah nah).

OW

Hammy pulled my hair down and I hit my head on the back of the chair...

Anyways, I guess it's good that I'm not thinking about suicide or anything, yuck. If I killed myself my mom would die, just lay down and die, then my bro would be all messed up and then my dad would be messed up and not to mention you guys out there. I could never be that cruel, never.

Saying that, if you do tell my parents and go "ash is cutting and we all think she might want to kill herself" I'll fucking rip your head off.

and if YOU guys ever try to do it either for a first time or again and fail, the same applies. I'll make is my top priority to go to where ever you are after I hear the news.

Well that's all.

Devvys house!

woo! I'm awake! gah! her bro's keyboard is weird, very hard to type on....I'll post later...

Oh yeah...so it turns out it took $140 to fix my laptop...>< this means I owe my dad...shit....

I gotta start practicing for golf soon once it gets warm again. Ugh....oh well..I'll endure one year of it then be done.

Thats all for now. I'll blog and use my own keyboard at home...=P