Future Excitement

My god. I can't wait for Con and the possibilities of Ocean City and my 2nd tattoo. Warm weather would be nice too. And I've had this sudden desire to learn the art of Hookah and get a tumbler. I also can't wait to start learning Mandarin as well.

SO. MUCH. STUFF.

Goals and the Bucket List

I've gotten to try so many different things this new year, and it's hardly even started yet.

Recently, I've tried archery and I've also gotten to go to my first shooting range. I'm also starting my education on Mandarin and have even dipped down into studying religion a bit (although that last one is required for my Humanities class I find it quite exciting).

I anticipate completing a lot of things on my bucket list this year and going out of my comfort zone a bit more.

I've recently had a few ponderings and conversations about trust. It's something that I feel I know a lot and yet so little about. I used to trust, quite easily. I would expect nothing but the best intentions from people. But now it's quite the opposite. I can't go around without thinking that someone is out to get me in some way. Or that their intentions are purely selfish and are only made out to look like they care.

My biggest goal/desire in life is to find someone that I truly and unquestionably trust. I don't know if they're in my life right now, or will be. However, it scares me that I may not find this in life. Granted, I know it will also take some work on my part. I feel that I have made some progress, and I can think of a few 'candidates'...

It's just, trust to me is my happiness and reason in life. If I can't trust anyone like that then my life just seems unfulfilled and as if there is no point to it. I put a lot of value in it.

I've been careless with it before, and that has come to bite me in the ass (although I've learned a lot from that...), yet sometimes I still urge to be a bit careless and trust people when I know I probably shouldn't.

Maybe I should trust myself more first.

Maybe I'm just an idiot.

Regardless if I am or not, I'd still rather be a happy idiot...

NSLS

Today I got a letter from Akron saying that I've been selected to join the National Society of Leadership and Success. If it wasn't for my mother's badgering I would have thrown the letter away immediately. Apparently it's a real honor, I guess, and a great opportunity.

In reality, I'm not that excited about it at the moment. My first reaction was confusion and anger.

I couldn't have been selected for my grades. I can't really imagine my teachers nominating me. I'm not very talkative in class, I don't really participate at all. If I have a question or anything I'll wait until after class to ask it.

I feel that I haven't shown any signs of leadership while on campus. I just try to work hard/do well, and in the end, I feel that I even fail to do that.

I dunno...

The whole letter just sparked a whole bundle of insecurities. At one point I wanted to shake whoever thought I was worth this, or could even do this. I don't feel smart enough or capable enough.

I'll do it, I guess. It's a good opportunity. It will look good. It can help me get scholarship money. That means I need to get a better attitude about this. I need to tell myself that I can do this and that it'll be great. If anything, I can't waste the $85 that will be spent to even get into this.

I find it stupid that I have to pay for this 'honor'...I guess it's a lot of bang for my buck or something. Nothing is free in life as they say...

Meh. I'll be okay...I'm always okay in the end. I have to be.

Awkward Turtle?

When you and your boyfriend come up from the basement and your father goes "Your mother was never quiet either" and then raises a beer in salute before walking away.

Oops. 

Bwahaha.