Fear

It's been a rough two days...discussion in physiology kinda set off some surpressed thoughts and feelings almost to the point where I could hardly control myself.

Made answering the phones at work a bitch.

I haven't pulled an all-nighter this year at all which is strange considering I normally pulled 1-2 each week. I even pulled one for 5 days straight as a freshie....got very sick though...don't try that...

Many family members and teachers always say I work so hard because they think that it's my busy life and schoolwork that is the cause.

Really the reason is because I'm afraid that if I go to sleep and then wake up in the morning...my mother will not.

I know I'm not the only one that lives with similar fear and that it will happen eventually...but if it happens now, I know I won't be ready for it. I've always intended to be much, much older when that time comes.

But with her addiction to caffeine, cigarettes and medication, along with many other health problems...I often wonder if she'll even make it to see me graduate sometimes. I can't talk about this with people in person, otherwise the waterworks will come just like they have now.

Maybe I just shouldn't be so selfish because, like I said before, I'm not the only one who has or have had this problem...but I just love my mother too much.