I tried doing one of those compromising things where you try to make everyone happy.

It used to work a lot for me when I was younger.

Now that I'm older it seems like shit just hit's the fan.

No one is willing to compromise anymore in my life.

It's either Yes or No. I can't get people to try and help me make a balance. Even if it means that the thing they wanted would still happen, just not in the exact way they planned it.

And then when things completely go to shit, I'm always the one that end's up being the bad guy.

So I figure, if both people can't be happy, then no one is going to be happy. That way no one can say I'm choosing sides or not taking the time to realize their needs or something.

It leaves me the unhappiest, due to the fact I've disappointed/failed two people instead of one.

But that's okay.

I need to start being more independent. I used to not really rely on anyone for my happiness. Now it completely depends on me being with someone. Whether it's a boyfriend or a friend, I'm only at my most happiest now if someone is there.

I don't like that.

I need to start relying mostly on myself again. And I need to quit telling people things and just be quite again.

I won't voice my opinion and I won't really tell people how I'm feeling anymore. If anything is wrong, I'll tell the majority no and if they persist I'll just say I'm tired.

No more wearing my heart on my sleeve. That way if I'm feeling down only I can pick myself back up.

It is now 10PM and instead of being with my boyfriend or RP and Bill I'm home alone.

But that's okay.

I'll be okay.




I wish all the above were true.

Hopefully this is just another one of those 'moments' and everything will work out tomorrow.

I just really wished it would have worked out today.

I just really wish I didn't feel so empty and a complete disappointment to myself.