R.

I may be wrong, but when I first met you in 8th grade you seemed like a pretty happy kid to me- aside from the pressure from your parents etc. (though that is more a cultural thing of sorts, yes?).

I think after Jackie ran to Ryan that day to complain about whatever petty problem she had with you, and him going to far (as always) and not giving a shit how much his words or actions hurt (as always) that was the catalyst of it all.

Like it was just enough to hit that right nerve, or push you over that edge.

And you've still never been able to recover.

And I've thought this even before my falling out with them (though I still may be wrong, and of course I'm being even more biased saying it now).

You are skinny, and beautiful and I really do love your blunt personality. How you say it like it is.

In fact I admire it.

I know I can never be that friend for you, that hope that you're looking for. But I'm gonna do my best to at least let you know that you have a small friend (or at least someone who worries about you and hopes you will be okay and cares) and if you ever need to vent just send a text and I can be online or call you.

Life is just too busy for me anymore for me to be online all the time unfortunately. =/

I can keep telling you how awesome I think you are over and over again (and I will) and that you're worth it. However, I know, and most importantly you know, it's only up to you to accept those things as truth, and that you are the one that has the power to pick yourself back up. A friend can only lend a helping hand and provide support.

You've acknowledged that.

And I know you can do it, many do, even if you don't think you know.

I'd tell you this in person (or at least in a more direct form than this), but I think that in a blog post if feels more meaningful, and me just telling it to you seems...I dunno, sappy in a way?

I dunno.

It sounds stupid...but before I go to bed at night I try to list 3-5 good things that happened to me that day. (Like legit, I really do this). Whether they be trivial like 'I got McDonalds today' or big like 'I got a raise' or something.

Maybe if you tried it...it could help?

Sometimes, it pays off to be a silly.

You got this hun.