High Hopes

I never have high hopes for anything and try not to get really excited about things that may happy in the future. The reason being because if I do, and those things don't happen or meet expectations, I fall from those high hopes, crash, and burn.

Even if it was something that other people would think is silly or small.

Though right now even I can't understand why I'm so upset. I'm kind of acting like a child.

I mean sure, I've looked forward to doing something like it for years. And there are rational reasons why it's not happening. And it's not like I'll never get the chance to do it again.

I dunno.

Maybe it was just bad timing.

High hopes crashing mixed with my erupting volcano of emotions (a.k.a. Ashley's every so monthly 'cry time').

We also ran out of milk so I couldn't eat my cereal.

Meh.

Some good things happened today.

-I started class scheduling (though things weren't so smooth in that department either)
-Work was okay
-I get to dog sit for the woman I also baby sit for(getting paid nicely) AND I got her the most awesomest birthday present (can't wait to see the look on her face. It's a gift certificate for a 1hr massage along with a basket of yummy smelling soaps and lotions)
-Dance Moms was on (next weeks episode looks like it's gonna be freakin crazy)
-I got to hug Mikey today

I guess they balance out.


Rawr.

=/ Humph

I've always been pretty content with life.

But now.

Just being content is starting not to be enough anymore.

All I'm doing is living.

I don't have any real purpose right now.

A lot of people have told me that's what it feels for a lot of kids my age.

I hope so.

R.

I may be wrong, but when I first met you in 8th grade you seemed like a pretty happy kid to me- aside from the pressure from your parents etc. (though that is more a cultural thing of sorts, yes?).

I think after Jackie ran to Ryan that day to complain about whatever petty problem she had with you, and him going to far (as always) and not giving a shit how much his words or actions hurt (as always) that was the catalyst of it all.

Like it was just enough to hit that right nerve, or push you over that edge.

And you've still never been able to recover.

And I've thought this even before my falling out with them (though I still may be wrong, and of course I'm being even more biased saying it now).

You are skinny, and beautiful and I really do love your blunt personality. How you say it like it is.

In fact I admire it.

I know I can never be that friend for you, that hope that you're looking for. But I'm gonna do my best to at least let you know that you have a small friend (or at least someone who worries about you and hopes you will be okay and cares) and if you ever need to vent just send a text and I can be online or call you.

Life is just too busy for me anymore for me to be online all the time unfortunately. =/

I can keep telling you how awesome I think you are over and over again (and I will) and that you're worth it. However, I know, and most importantly you know, it's only up to you to accept those things as truth, and that you are the one that has the power to pick yourself back up. A friend can only lend a helping hand and provide support.

You've acknowledged that.

And I know you can do it, many do, even if you don't think you know.

I'd tell you this in person (or at least in a more direct form than this), but I think that in a blog post if feels more meaningful, and me just telling it to you seems...I dunno, sappy in a way?

I dunno.

It sounds stupid...but before I go to bed at night I try to list 3-5 good things that happened to me that day. (Like legit, I really do this). Whether they be trivial like 'I got McDonalds today' or big like 'I got a raise' or something.

Maybe if you tried it...it could help?

Sometimes, it pays off to be a silly.

You got this hun.

Cushion

Cleveland was 3rd on the list for 'most obese cities'.

A little 'cushion for the pushin' is alright...

But if you like to roll with the rolls I think that's fucking disgusting.

People who are obese are disgusting.

People who are attracted to people who are obese are disgusting.

And people who are obese and not doing anything about it and couldn't give a shit are really fucking disgusting.

I'm thankful every day to have the metabolism that's been keeping me the super skinny bitch I am today.

I realize not everyone has it.

But when you have rolls on your rolls on your rolls...

Yeah.

Fat people are just really annoying me today.